Another sleepy weekend, this time with fumes.
I think this is the beginning of Hardcore Hermitting Week Four, and ... I almost am starting to feel better?
Its difficult to gauge, I think I'd be feeling better if I hadn't been sick last weekend. And between illness and world-wide news last week, I was pretty ready to go home Friday night and stay in my chantry until the world's proper end. But my neighbor-friend tempted me two blocks away to his house with grass fed beef shin and properly cooked bone marrow, and probably some plant matter that I don't remember. My stomach couldn't get thru all of it, but I think I ate most and didn't explode, so yay for that.
He also got me started on Hemlock Grove, for better or worse. Its VERY Twin Peaks like, to the point where I think they played a remix of the theme music during the school-dance scene in episode 2. It has the same weird ungainly mix of pacing, where some bits are just so f'ing boring and pointless, and other parts you need to rewind and turn on the subtitles to figure out what just happened. A lot more graphic than TP, with much better special effects, and more teenage drama thrown in. Also, lots of characters vomiting, I guess that's supposed to make it more edgy. *shrugs* Got a bit more than halfway through this weekend, will probably finish it next weekend.
Things happened other than tv this weekend. Which is very good b/c I had to catch up on chores I put off last weekend due to the stomach ick.
-Laundry. Tho I had to put off the bed linens again b/c I didn't think I was up to that level of cardio this weekend. Still, three weeks of clothes plus bathroom and kitchen linens. Bedroom next weekend.
-All the regular chores. Cuz they're regular. Tho now that I'm paying more attention to grocery store prices, am realizing that vegetables aren't the same price all year round. Durh.
-SOUP. The cooking demons won, and I accidentally bought too many veggies for lunches, so I figured I'd make two soups afterall. Both were nummy, but I'm not sure I'm confident enough to serve my improvised puree's to other people. In both cases I fried onions in bacon fat until translucent gold-ish stage, then added a quart of stock and (newly rediscovered last legs) chopped celery. To one I added carrots, the other got cauliflower, with different spices and seasonings and whatever for each. I froze about two cups of each, ate the rest of the carrot soup by the end of the weekend, and can enjoy cauliflower soup for the rest of the week. Tho I think I'm bad at this b/c boiling the veggies to tenderness took twice as long as expected each time. And tho the freezer is less full, I still have four quarts of stock left. Sho maybe more soup next week, still have a lot of canned pumpkin to get rid of. And an immersion blender to play with.
-Cleaned the bathroom, or at least the shower/bath and the sink. But the bleach really f'ed me up for the rest of Sunday (no windows in my bathroom), so I'm glad I didn't end up pushing myself to clean the balcony and kitchen on the same day. And I'm lucky it wasn't too cold to leave the back door open for an hour to air everything out again. I though I had to replace the filters on my heavy duty filtration mask, but it seems like keeping it sealed in a plastic ziploc for months helped increase their lifespan.
Sadly, no creative beading/writing work got done this weekend. But I half expected that due to being sick last week. I did dream of packing up lots of beads and jewelry supplies Saturday nite, tho, to take with me somewhere or other. Don't remember any other details. I did re-pack a bunch of the new materials into my traveling bead kit for this week. Yay new necklaces in strange new color combos. Maybe someday I'll remember to photograph the pile of pieces I've already completed.
This week's focus is to read the books I already have on treating anxiety problems. B/c I'm wondering, *if* the Alpha Wave Intrusion is anxiety based, and *if* the hyper-vigilance problem I have is anxiety based, and *if* my supposed anxiety problems are being exacerbated by lack of sleep, then I might be caught up in a bad cycle.
I'm also trying to ignore/not indulge the hypervigilance. If I think I see something flicker in the corner of my eye, or just beyond my field of vision, I do my best to just not look. Not sure if this is a healthy way of doing it, I'm hoping my cognitive behavioral therapy books will give me better ideas. Except that CBT seems to focus on thoughts, and for me this is a thoughtless, automatic behavior. Or so it seems thus far, maybe they're just really quick thoughts. CBT has a technique which is basically "What's the worst that could happen if your phobia is real/true?" But I'm not sure I would remember to do that every 5 minutes (some nights, not all) due to brain fog. *sigh* Brain, y u do this to me?
And after my last acupuncture treatment, I felt more relaxed but my hypervigilance actually seemed more amped up for the evening. Which was kinda wtf, but I guess that's not new for me. I did sleep better for a couple nights before the flu started, so maybe they're separate problems afterall? *shrugs* At least I already own the books.
This week's tarot reading looks dramatic but hopeful:
Its too bad I wasn't asking a y/n question, b/c that's two automatic yeses. But still very favorable. The clarity and success of the sun may indicate/lead to a conclusion that something else needs to end already. But doing that leads me to new opportunities, and possibly ones good for my finances. Hopefully it will start feeling like spring to me. Also looks good considering my new angle on anxiety problems, if the sun brings new/old/unrealized bits to light.
Also mulling over b'day plans. Maybe go for dinner with ppl in a Chrys-safe restaurant, and then go to see the new Star Trek movie? But this would be 5/18, and I'm not sure which of my friends will not have already seen it by Saturday.
Beltane is coming up, and I just don't give a f#$%. Another reminder to change the salt-bowl. Tho I'm tempted to make this year's prayer something along the lines of "No, F#$% YOU universe!!" *sigh* Its a 'school' nite anyway. Some friends' b'days are the following weekend, fun but I'll probably only be able to do one.
But here I am, and I will keep on keepin' on for another week. I actually feel kinda impatient right now, like I'd rather be at home doing creative stuff than here at work. Tho if I *were* suddenly home, that's no guarantee that I'd actually do anything. Still pretty brain fogged, so who knows.
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/
Its difficult to gauge, I think I'd be feeling better if I hadn't been sick last weekend. And between illness and world-wide news last week, I was pretty ready to go home Friday night and stay in my chantry until the world's proper end. But my neighbor-friend tempted me two blocks away to his house with grass fed beef shin and properly cooked bone marrow, and probably some plant matter that I don't remember. My stomach couldn't get thru all of it, but I think I ate most and didn't explode, so yay for that.
He also got me started on Hemlock Grove, for better or worse. Its VERY Twin Peaks like, to the point where I think they played a remix of the theme music during the school-dance scene in episode 2. It has the same weird ungainly mix of pacing, where some bits are just so f'ing boring and pointless, and other parts you need to rewind and turn on the subtitles to figure out what just happened. A lot more graphic than TP, with much better special effects, and more teenage drama thrown in. Also, lots of characters vomiting, I guess that's supposed to make it more edgy. *shrugs* Got a bit more than halfway through this weekend, will probably finish it next weekend.
Things happened other than tv this weekend. Which is very good b/c I had to catch up on chores I put off last weekend due to the stomach ick.
-Laundry. Tho I had to put off the bed linens again b/c I didn't think I was up to that level of cardio this weekend. Still, three weeks of clothes plus bathroom and kitchen linens. Bedroom next weekend.
-All the regular chores. Cuz they're regular. Tho now that I'm paying more attention to grocery store prices, am realizing that vegetables aren't the same price all year round. Durh.
-SOUP. The cooking demons won, and I accidentally bought too many veggies for lunches, so I figured I'd make two soups afterall. Both were nummy, but I'm not sure I'm confident enough to serve my improvised puree's to other people. In both cases I fried onions in bacon fat until translucent gold-ish stage, then added a quart of stock and (newly rediscovered last legs) chopped celery. To one I added carrots, the other got cauliflower, with different spices and seasonings and whatever for each. I froze about two cups of each, ate the rest of the carrot soup by the end of the weekend, and can enjoy cauliflower soup for the rest of the week. Tho I think I'm bad at this b/c boiling the veggies to tenderness took twice as long as expected each time. And tho the freezer is less full, I still have four quarts of stock left. Sho maybe more soup next week, still have a lot of canned pumpkin to get rid of. And an immersion blender to play with.
-Cleaned the bathroom, or at least the shower/bath and the sink. But the bleach really f'ed me up for the rest of Sunday (no windows in my bathroom), so I'm glad I didn't end up pushing myself to clean the balcony and kitchen on the same day. And I'm lucky it wasn't too cold to leave the back door open for an hour to air everything out again. I though I had to replace the filters on my heavy duty filtration mask, but it seems like keeping it sealed in a plastic ziploc for months helped increase their lifespan.
Sadly, no creative beading/writing work got done this weekend. But I half expected that due to being sick last week. I did dream of packing up lots of beads and jewelry supplies Saturday nite, tho, to take with me somewhere or other. Don't remember any other details. I did re-pack a bunch of the new materials into my traveling bead kit for this week. Yay new necklaces in strange new color combos. Maybe someday I'll remember to photograph the pile of pieces I've already completed.
This week's focus is to read the books I already have on treating anxiety problems. B/c I'm wondering, *if* the Alpha Wave Intrusion is anxiety based, and *if* the hyper-vigilance problem I have is anxiety based, and *if* my supposed anxiety problems are being exacerbated by lack of sleep, then I might be caught up in a bad cycle.
I'm also trying to ignore/not indulge the hypervigilance. If I think I see something flicker in the corner of my eye, or just beyond my field of vision, I do my best to just not look. Not sure if this is a healthy way of doing it, I'm hoping my cognitive behavioral therapy books will give me better ideas. Except that CBT seems to focus on thoughts, and for me this is a thoughtless, automatic behavior. Or so it seems thus far, maybe they're just really quick thoughts. CBT has a technique which is basically "What's the worst that could happen if your phobia is real/true?" But I'm not sure I would remember to do that every 5 minutes (some nights, not all) due to brain fog. *sigh* Brain, y u do this to me?
And after my last acupuncture treatment, I felt more relaxed but my hypervigilance actually seemed more amped up for the evening. Which was kinda wtf, but I guess that's not new for me. I did sleep better for a couple nights before the flu started, so maybe they're separate problems afterall? *shrugs* At least I already own the books.
This week's tarot reading looks dramatic but hopeful:
Its too bad I wasn't asking a y/n question, b/c that's two automatic yeses. But still very favorable. The clarity and success of the sun may indicate/lead to a conclusion that something else needs to end already. But doing that leads me to new opportunities, and possibly ones good for my finances. Hopefully it will start feeling like spring to me. Also looks good considering my new angle on anxiety problems, if the sun brings new/old/unrealized bits to light.
Also mulling over b'day plans. Maybe go for dinner with ppl in a Chrys-safe restaurant, and then go to see the new Star Trek movie? But this would be 5/18, and I'm not sure which of my friends will not have already seen it by Saturday.
Beltane is coming up, and I just don't give a f#$%. Another reminder to change the salt-bowl. Tho I'm tempted to make this year's prayer something along the lines of "No, F#$% YOU universe!!" *sigh* Its a 'school' nite anyway. Some friends' b'days are the following weekend, fun but I'll probably only be able to do one.
But here I am, and I will keep on keepin' on for another week. I actually feel kinda impatient right now, like I'd rather be at home doing creative stuff than here at work. Tho if I *were* suddenly home, that's no guarantee that I'd actually do anything. Still pretty brain fogged, so who knows.
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/