To Sleep, Perchance.
So this is where I'm dumping all my thinky thoughts about my sleep problems, to keep them in one place for now. I'm still somewhat in mind-racing mode, so now that I'm awake I'm having ALL THE THOUGHTS.
Doctor Miscommunication & Alpha Waves
In late January, I went to see my pcp, and she showed me the letter from the sleep doc that said I had mild sleep apnea. I am 99% sure of this. So it was kindof a suprise when I went to the sleep doctor yesterday (2/28/13) and he said "I never said you had sleep apnea. You have circadian rhythm disorder and alpha wave intrusion." So I'd been doing the wrong research for a month. *headdesk* I have no idea where the miscommunication was. Either he sent my pcp the wrong letter (which he vehemently denies) or she opened the wrong file on her computer screen. I just don't know.
Anyway, Circadian Rhythm Disorder treatment = go to bed the same time every night, take a tiny amount of melatonin at the same time a few hours before bed every nite, shine a bright light in your face for 20 mins every morning. So I may start sleeping from 11pm-7am every night regardless of work schedule (its not like I'm doing anything late into the evenings anymore :-P) for a few weeks. On later mornings, at least I'll have time to exercise, if I even remember what exercise is. (GAH, BRAIN FOG!!!!!!) Though the lights range from $60-$120, so that could take a while to procure.
As for Alpha Wave Intrusion... more complicated. (Alpha Wave Intrusion on Wikipedia). From what I understand, its like my brain is kindof in the restorative-sleep-delta-wave pattern, except there's an alpha wave pattern on top, which means my brain is not actually completely asleep and I'm not getting my restorative REM2s. It seems like one of those insidious, subtle disorders that doesn't test well and nobody's put much work into studying. And often found in fibro patients, leading ppl to ask me once again "How do you have so many fibro symptoms except for the all encompassing pain?"
But it would explain why I wake up feeling stressed out so often, if my brain hasn't stopped thinking all night despite it being UNCONCIOUS. *sigh* Srsly, brain? And I thought the sleep apnea thing was weird, given how nobody has ever said I snore. Talk in my sleep tho, yah, lots.
So its basically "Lets throw drug darts at the dart board that is Chrysilla's brain chemistry and see what happens." And I HATE that. Tho at least pills would be quicker and easier to get than a CPAP machine, and no awkward wearing of things during sleep.
Gabapentin/Neurontin hates me.
First, Dr.B (sleep doc) has decided to try me on Gabapentin/Neurontin (Gabapentin on Wiki), which is not a sleep aid, but instead a neural/nerves thing. Often used on epilepsy, fibro, and lots of other stuff not sleep related. He asked me if my depression has been super bad, b/c Gab has a tendency to make people sad. And that's all he told me about side effects. And he was starting me on a super small dose, 100mg, possibly to raise to 200 if it didn't work. From what I've seen online, people with the pain and neural problems tend to take it at 500-2000mg.
It was easy enough to fill the Rx, so I took the Gabapentin at 100mg last night. Felt weird warm fuzzy tingles all throughout my body (tho still having a couple of my usual muscle twitches, they don't hurt or wake me up they just happen), kinda drowsy, and could not focus my brain. Usually I like to replay something fictional in my brain as I drift off to sleep, but in this case I just couldn't focus so I couldn't relax.
And then my brain wasn't just unfocused, it was racing. Not in a normal anxiety attack way, b/c that's like where focus meets racing "OMG MICE ROACHES MICE MICE MICE STOMACHACHE MICE AAARGH." In this case, it was more like "OMG FISH PETER JACKSON CAKE GAMEBOY STYROFOAM sdaf;lahger;oinafdghaksehriu FISH." And my heart was still pounding, but I wasn't afraid of anything or anxious about anything in particular. Kinda like those adrenal kicks I get after a 2-3 day wheat/dairy hangover, but my brain was more vivid.
Now that I'm looking at the wiki page, there's a note of "Also, children 3-12 years of age were observed to be susceptible to mild-to-moderate mood swings, hostility, concentration problems, and hyperactivity." Which is similar to what the Claritin D and Benadryl boxes say, and I have similar reactions to those. So ... F#@$. I don't know if these things are chemically similar, maybe I'll email my Dad about it. He's a chemist, and has the same reaction to these chems.
Eventually I fell asleep, although every little noise made my brain wake up. Went to bed between 10 & 11pm (b/c I was f'ing tired) and then woke up around 3 or 3:30 b/c someone was smoking pot in the stairwell again, and I guess the smell woke me up. Ugh. And then it was a similar "brain shut down pls I need to sleep" until I eventually fell asleep again, after a while.
Was VERY difficult to get up in the morning, but I still managed to get out of bed a bit earlier than usual b/c I figured "If I don't get up NOW, I'm not going to :-/" Was totally discombobulated and uncoordinated all day until this point. I feel like I've been having anxiety attacks all night, even though I know I was asleep.
Still made it to my allergy appointment, for both my regular shots but also for some upkeep and paperwork and things like that. Luckily I had all of my documents together before I took the evil drugs last night.
Next Steps
I hate playing Russian Roulette with my brain chemistry :-P
Since I'm clearly having flashbacks to my old anxiety problems, I've been thinking about the drugs I used to take back then (2007-8?). I was unable to sleep due to mind-racy panic attacks so the psychiatrist put me on Clonopin. Also not strictly a sleep aid, its more prescribed as an anti anxiety med. And it worked and didn't make me miserable with side effects. I'm going to ask the sleep doc about that, the worst thing he can do is say no. I'm not sure if its meant to treat a brain that won't shut up when one is already unconscious, but it seemed to help before.
Was also thinking about the last time I really worked on my sleep, and it was winter of 2010-11 when I decided to wean myself off of doing melatonin every night. I had gotten on the melatonin to get myself off the Clonopin in the first place, when I stopped seeing that psychiatrist. Then by the spring time I was chronic fatigued. Maybe I should start experimenting with taking melatonin every night again. Which is also recommended for the circadian rhythm shift.
And then there's the brief clearing of brain-haze I had in January 2012. I used to think it was just the dietary changes I'd had between Thanksgiving and Xmas 2011, but I also had a bad sinus infection all through winter break. For which I took lots of otc meds, but now I don't remember which ones, or in which combinations. Could those have helped calm the alpha intrusion while I was sick? So maybe its a combo of diet and brain-meds that I need to fix meself.
So, time to write an email to my sleep doctor, and try and make it through the day while still in ARGH mode. And look into making friends with a bear totem, cuz why not hedge my bets.
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/
Doctor Miscommunication & Alpha Waves
In late January, I went to see my pcp, and she showed me the letter from the sleep doc that said I had mild sleep apnea. I am 99% sure of this. So it was kindof a suprise when I went to the sleep doctor yesterday (2/28/13) and he said "I never said you had sleep apnea. You have circadian rhythm disorder and alpha wave intrusion." So I'd been doing the wrong research for a month. *headdesk* I have no idea where the miscommunication was. Either he sent my pcp the wrong letter (which he vehemently denies) or she opened the wrong file on her computer screen. I just don't know.
Anyway, Circadian Rhythm Disorder treatment = go to bed the same time every night, take a tiny amount of melatonin at the same time a few hours before bed every nite, shine a bright light in your face for 20 mins every morning. So I may start sleeping from 11pm-7am every night regardless of work schedule (its not like I'm doing anything late into the evenings anymore :-P) for a few weeks. On later mornings, at least I'll have time to exercise, if I even remember what exercise is. (GAH, BRAIN FOG!!!!!!) Though the lights range from $60-$120, so that could take a while to procure.
As for Alpha Wave Intrusion... more complicated. (Alpha Wave Intrusion on Wikipedia). From what I understand, its like my brain is kindof in the restorative-sleep-delta-wave pattern, except there's an alpha wave pattern on top, which means my brain is not actually completely asleep and I'm not getting my restorative REM2s. It seems like one of those insidious, subtle disorders that doesn't test well and nobody's put much work into studying. And often found in fibro patients, leading ppl to ask me once again "How do you have so many fibro symptoms except for the all encompassing pain?"
But it would explain why I wake up feeling stressed out so often, if my brain hasn't stopped thinking all night despite it being UNCONCIOUS. *sigh* Srsly, brain? And I thought the sleep apnea thing was weird, given how nobody has ever said I snore. Talk in my sleep tho, yah, lots.
So its basically "Lets throw drug darts at the dart board that is Chrysilla's brain chemistry and see what happens." And I HATE that. Tho at least pills would be quicker and easier to get than a CPAP machine, and no awkward wearing of things during sleep.
Gabapentin/Neurontin hates me.
First, Dr.B (sleep doc) has decided to try me on Gabapentin/Neurontin (Gabapentin on Wiki), which is not a sleep aid, but instead a neural/nerves thing. Often used on epilepsy, fibro, and lots of other stuff not sleep related. He asked me if my depression has been super bad, b/c Gab has a tendency to make people sad. And that's all he told me about side effects. And he was starting me on a super small dose, 100mg, possibly to raise to 200 if it didn't work. From what I've seen online, people with the pain and neural problems tend to take it at 500-2000mg.
It was easy enough to fill the Rx, so I took the Gabapentin at 100mg last night. Felt weird warm fuzzy tingles all throughout my body (tho still having a couple of my usual muscle twitches, they don't hurt or wake me up they just happen), kinda drowsy, and could not focus my brain. Usually I like to replay something fictional in my brain as I drift off to sleep, but in this case I just couldn't focus so I couldn't relax.
And then my brain wasn't just unfocused, it was racing. Not in a normal anxiety attack way, b/c that's like where focus meets racing "OMG MICE ROACHES MICE MICE MICE STOMACHACHE MICE AAARGH." In this case, it was more like "OMG FISH PETER JACKSON CAKE GAMEBOY STYROFOAM sdaf;lahger;oinafdghaksehriu FISH." And my heart was still pounding, but I wasn't afraid of anything or anxious about anything in particular. Kinda like those adrenal kicks I get after a 2-3 day wheat/dairy hangover, but my brain was more vivid.
Now that I'm looking at the wiki page, there's a note of "Also, children 3-12 years of age were observed to be susceptible to mild-to-moderate mood swings, hostility, concentration problems, and hyperactivity." Which is similar to what the Claritin D and Benadryl boxes say, and I have similar reactions to those. So ... F#@$. I don't know if these things are chemically similar, maybe I'll email my Dad about it. He's a chemist, and has the same reaction to these chems.
Eventually I fell asleep, although every little noise made my brain wake up. Went to bed between 10 & 11pm (b/c I was f'ing tired) and then woke up around 3 or 3:30 b/c someone was smoking pot in the stairwell again, and I guess the smell woke me up. Ugh. And then it was a similar "brain shut down pls I need to sleep" until I eventually fell asleep again, after a while.
Was VERY difficult to get up in the morning, but I still managed to get out of bed a bit earlier than usual b/c I figured "If I don't get up NOW, I'm not going to :-/" Was totally discombobulated and uncoordinated all day until this point. I feel like I've been having anxiety attacks all night, even though I know I was asleep.
Still made it to my allergy appointment, for both my regular shots but also for some upkeep and paperwork and things like that. Luckily I had all of my documents together before I took the evil drugs last night.
Next Steps
I hate playing Russian Roulette with my brain chemistry :-P
Since I'm clearly having flashbacks to my old anxiety problems, I've been thinking about the drugs I used to take back then (2007-8?). I was unable to sleep due to mind-racy panic attacks so the psychiatrist put me on Clonopin. Also not strictly a sleep aid, its more prescribed as an anti anxiety med. And it worked and didn't make me miserable with side effects. I'm going to ask the sleep doc about that, the worst thing he can do is say no. I'm not sure if its meant to treat a brain that won't shut up when one is already unconscious, but it seemed to help before.
Was also thinking about the last time I really worked on my sleep, and it was winter of 2010-11 when I decided to wean myself off of doing melatonin every night. I had gotten on the melatonin to get myself off the Clonopin in the first place, when I stopped seeing that psychiatrist. Then by the spring time I was chronic fatigued. Maybe I should start experimenting with taking melatonin every night again. Which is also recommended for the circadian rhythm shift.
And then there's the brief clearing of brain-haze I had in January 2012. I used to think it was just the dietary changes I'd had between Thanksgiving and Xmas 2011, but I also had a bad sinus infection all through winter break. For which I took lots of otc meds, but now I don't remember which ones, or in which combinations. Could those have helped calm the alpha intrusion while I was sick? So maybe its a combo of diet and brain-meds that I need to fix meself.
So, time to write an email to my sleep doctor, and try and make it through the day while still in ARGH mode. And look into making friends with a bear totem, cuz why not hedge my bets.
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/