Time's Up
My grieving was long, and I don't begrudge that. uncrowned_king was worth every minute and every tear -- but I'm done now. He remains dear to me, part of my heart and soul, but I am no longer in constant pain because of his passing.
I know I've written that before, but this process has been a three-steps-forward-one-or-two-steps-back journey. And I hadn't realized that even after I'd reached the "Acceptance" phase there would still be convalescing to do.
But the last two weeks have blessed me with a series of encounters and stimulus which have fast-forwarded my healing and brought me fully back to life again. I've been feeling eager, energetic, optimistic, even joyous -- all emotions that I'd often thought would be beyond me for the rest of my life. After months of aching because I was unable to feel desire or creativity or longing or interest in anything, I have ideas, plans, and plots bubbling up inside me.
My life has become very boring over the past few years. I'm grateful to those of you who still bother to read this journal.
I'm tired of being boring.
I'm tired of the emptiness.
I'm tired of "numb" being the best I can hope for from day to day.
And now, finally, I have the energy and inspiration to do something about it.
I don't want to write about it quite yet. I've learned to value silence a bit more than I used to -- but hopefully there will be new posts soon with new energy.
I know I've written that before, but this process has been a three-steps-forward-one-or-two-steps-back journey. And I hadn't realized that even after I'd reached the "Acceptance" phase there would still be convalescing to do.
But the last two weeks have blessed me with a series of encounters and stimulus which have fast-forwarded my healing and brought me fully back to life again. I've been feeling eager, energetic, optimistic, even joyous -- all emotions that I'd often thought would be beyond me for the rest of my life. After months of aching because I was unable to feel desire or creativity or longing or interest in anything, I have ideas, plans, and plots bubbling up inside me.
My life has become very boring over the past few years. I'm grateful to those of you who still bother to read this journal.
I'm tired of being boring.
I'm tired of the emptiness.
I'm tired of "numb" being the best I can hope for from day to day.
And now, finally, I have the energy and inspiration to do something about it.
I don't want to write about it quite yet. I've learned to value silence a bit more than I used to -- but hopefully there will be new posts soon with new energy.