Time To Change Some Stories of Myself

[qos]

We define ourselves, in part, by the stories we tell about ourselves. We choose certain aspects of ourselves and make them prominent by the way we privelege them in how we talk about ourselves to others -- and in our own internal dialogue

Comments

[rin_x_x]

You know whats funny? I went through the same thing. I had a boyfriend that was online and was with for a year and a halfish. I got banned from the computer, and we ended up breaking up. I was pretty freaking miserable for the next two years, and I always thought of stories of him coming back to me (despite the abuse). Although after that part I cant much remember. I think it ended differently sometimes. my stories were usually kind of like archetypical, had to deal with seasons and stuff. Its how I kept myself amused a lot when I was younger. Too bad daydreaming isn't a career path.

So anyways roughly about two years later I was in gym class, sitting beside my then-to-be-now-boyfriend, and we were going over health stuff, and it came up that it can often take up to two years for someone to help get over extreme grief. And I remember that day that I realized for a while that I hadn't been grieving and wanting him to come back.

I still sort of had those stories, kind of while I was with my now boyfriend. I don't think it was him, but the idea of that first love who wronged me begging to come back. And I think I blocked a lot the endings out because Im ashamed to admit them. But it was earlier this year that I found out some stuff that my first ex did, and when I asked him about it, he denied it. And it was funny, at that moment .. everything just .. went away. I realized I didn't love him anymore. I don't think I loved him for a long time. but it was funny because maybe earlier that week I was thinking about those stories again, wondering if he'd come back and we'd be happy together. But after me and my SO got serious... I didn't like them really anymore. They were a fun fantasy, sure. But I couldn't really consider leaving my SO for him.

I guess this didn't come out that story-like. There were a lot that he just got featured in. He's still in there (I have grand, epic fantasies involving many of my friends joining together to beat some evil people XD), but my SO is by my side, with me either rescuing him or him rescuing me. And sometimes, when Im bitter, it gets flaunted. Perhaps Im stroking my ego too much. Lol.

Hm. Sorry. I didn't mean to rant. >< I just really sympathized with the whole internal story thing. Its an odd thing for it to come to a end, but it opens up a world of possibilites, and allows people to move on with their lives.