Milton...
Milton died this morning. I dont know what to say really, he was a good little bird and i loved him a lot. What gets me is i dont know if i will ever have another canary that will fly around my room with a song in his heart and poop on my alarm clock and then when he is ready fly right back into his cage. I dont know if i will ever have another little bird that will snuggle up under my chin and peck my neck. I just wish i knew what was wrong.
THings have been so weird lately. I feel sophicated and needy all at the same time. It seems the walls are crumbling all around me and i cant stop them. I am really scared of the future and simultaneosly (sp?) dying for it to sweep me away.
Andrew is starting to mean to so much to me and that really bothers me in a sense. I dont want to feel miserable about leaving anything behind. I dont want to worry about where his life is going. I know that he will find his way just like i wll find mine. Sometimes i just feel so fucked up about the whole situation. He makes me happier than anyone else can right now. Its weird cus when i think about being with him i get really confused but when i am actually with him, talking face to face with him, laughing and listening to his music and lying in his bed everything feels right. Its only when i leave taht i start questioning things. Its only when I catch his name being whispered in the back of the classroom that my heart starts to pick up and my eyes start to prickle. But anytime taht happens i just try and take a deep breath and imagine his smile.
Its funny because i have tried to write this entry in the past about five times. ANd i always end up deleting it. I just want to be with my friends and have fun this year. Honestly i feel lke i am wasting it with this drama but its like a whole wheelbarrow of things have fallen on me all at the smae time. WHy couldnt they be spaced out throughout the years? I could handle them better in singularly.
Milton dying has just been like the fly on top of the shit heap. I loved that little guy and i hope that wherever he is there is a giant alarm clock he can crap on while twittering to his heart's content.
THings have been so weird lately. I feel sophicated and needy all at the same time. It seems the walls are crumbling all around me and i cant stop them. I am really scared of the future and simultaneosly (sp?) dying for it to sweep me away.
Andrew is starting to mean to so much to me and that really bothers me in a sense. I dont want to feel miserable about leaving anything behind. I dont want to worry about where his life is going. I know that he will find his way just like i wll find mine. Sometimes i just feel so fucked up about the whole situation. He makes me happier than anyone else can right now. Its weird cus when i think about being with him i get really confused but when i am actually with him, talking face to face with him, laughing and listening to his music and lying in his bed everything feels right. Its only when i leave taht i start questioning things. Its only when I catch his name being whispered in the back of the classroom that my heart starts to pick up and my eyes start to prickle. But anytime taht happens i just try and take a deep breath and imagine his smile.
Its funny because i have tried to write this entry in the past about five times. ANd i always end up deleting it. I just want to be with my friends and have fun this year. Honestly i feel lke i am wasting it with this drama but its like a whole wheelbarrow of things have fallen on me all at the smae time. WHy couldnt they be spaced out throughout the years? I could handle them better in singularly.
Milton dying has just been like the fly on top of the shit heap. I loved that little guy and i hope that wherever he is there is a giant alarm clock he can crap on while twittering to his heart's content.