The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (4/?)
FOUR: THE HOMECOMING (RE)HARMONIZATION
Sheldon Cooper’s mind worked in mysterious, sometimes devious, ways.
That it was a cold, calculating mind predisposed to mathematical brilliance, no one would ever doubt, but everyone seemed to be under the misconception that this rendered his thought processes otherwise limited.
Balderdash.
Sheldon learnt from a very young age to carefully cultivate this fallacy; it left him with abundant time to tinker with his inventions and equations, while the mundane matters of everyday life were dealt with by other, more mediocre, minds.
He could have easily used his genius for evil, to avenge those who sought to belittle and bully - but he was fairly certain that his mother - and Jesus - would not be too pleased with him if he did - so instead, he used his powers for... the pursuit of physics.
Social interactions, with humanity as a whole, had always baffled and repulsed him. With the exception of the familial bonds he shared with his Meemaw, his late father, his mother and sisters, he had never really nurtured associations of any kind. His first and best friend was Leonard, and that had led to a kinship and fraternity with Howard and Raj. In fact, his little universe functioned like a well-oiled machine until... she moved in next door.
Penny.
He had even started thinking of his life as B.P. and A.P. - Before and After Penny - a fact reflected in his daily activities log; a log that had, especially of late, an alarming tendency to feature quite a few pages on his exasperating neighbour, her various idiosyncrasies, and her general inappropriate touchy-feely mannerisms.
And then something extraordinary had occurred.
She - Penny - this singular yet average, shrewd and naive, caustic but kind, amusing but stern, delightful yet difficult, disorganised and chaotic, bewildering and beautiful, blonde slip of a girl - had not been intimidated or otherwise affected by him. In fact, quite the opposite. It had been - and still was - quite unnerving.
The mighty Sheldon Cooper, PhD, had apparently met his match - not his intellectual match, of course, for that was patently impossible - but his match in almost every other sense. She challenged him on both the big things and the slightly less big things that held import in his life. She frequently won these confrontations, too, which was outrageous in and of itself. What he had never expected, however, was how she would change him.
He had not thought it possible but in the two years that she had lived across the hall from them, Penny had brought about several, sometimes alarming, modifications in his rigid existence.
She talked to him - incessantly, if he was not careful - of things that could never concern him in a million years.
She sat in his spot.
She beat him at Halo.
She called him at work.
She came into his bedroom.
She derided his countless routines and orderly existence at every opportunity.
She called him a whack-a-doodle. (And what on earth was a whack-a-doodle, anyway?)
She touched everything - including his food, including him - often and with enthusiasm.
It had come to the point where now he was touching her of his own volition. It was not to be borne.
How was a man like him to deal with a woman such as her?
It was perplexing - even for a brilliant mind guy like him. A phrase of hers, albeit one of the few that he did not object to.
His first inclination had, of course, been to ignore her very existence, but as a strategy - that failed miserably every time she spoke to him. How could he not comment on the humdrum drivel that spewed forth?
Then smiled at him.
Penny and her damnable smiles, always shifting and changing like arctic snow dunes. A myriad different ones, each of them unique and spectacular in their own way, one each for every cheerful emotion that flitted across her expressive face.
The more devastating of her repertoire of smiles were those that began and ended in her eyes.
Penny’s smiles were matched only by her scowls, which seemed to be tossed his way with distressing frequency.
They were different from the glares levelled at Wolowitz when an inappropriate comment was made.
And likewise, quite unlike the frowns flung at Leonard when he was being overly obsequious.
Certainly, the grimaces directed at Koothrappali, when he had a grasshopper in his hand, could not even begin to compare.
No, the ones sent his way were... unique; he was sure he treasured them more than her smiles.
And therein lay the biggest problem Sheldon had faced since the inception of string theories: how to deal with the predicament that was Penny?
Ignoring her was out of the question, and apparently moving away to the North Pole did little to help his dilemma. And he had really hoped that the distance between them would help reset his own mind, and bring it back to normal. For thoughts of Penny were increasingly occupying it, and he didn’t appreciate the distraction; in fact, he was greatly puzzled by it.
What was it about her that made him think of her at the most inconvenient moments?
Like while watching the Northern Lights flicker in the night sky (and wishing she was there to share the experience, and at the same time thinking that the aurora’s jade luminosity reminded him of her eyes, and truth be told, without nary a hint of a twitch: her eyes were infinitely more luminous).
Like while recording data in the Arctic wilderness and imagining her reaction to its vast, desolate beauty. Like while writing a grant (and instead chatting to her about her dismal finances).
Like during Star Trek (where Spock kisses Uhura, wondering what it would be like to kiss a girl and Penny’s face is the only one he can imagine in Uhura’s stead).
That last thought had bordered on sacrilegious.
In fact, he was almost afraid to return home to Pasadena.
He missed Penny. Not just a little, but a great deal. He would never admit it to another living soul, but the solace of being stationed at the Arctic had, in essence, forced himself to face his greatest fear.
Sheldon Cooper had developed feelings, and they were certainly not those of the platonic variety.
No, these were the sort of feelings that cramped your innards and dispersed swarms of lepidopterans into your stomach.
These were the feelings that made your palms sweaty and rendered your voice shrill - or shriller than usual.
These were the feelings that diverted your thoughts in inopportune moments and constricted your heart in your chest.
These were the sort of feelings that tended to grow and embed themselves in your psyche until they drove you to madness... or marriage.
These were the sort of feelings that kept Sheldon Cooper, PhD, up at dawn, talking to Penny, when he should have been preparing for his work day; they were the sort of feelings that made him turn down a guaranteed extension that would have kept him and his research team in the Arctic until the new year; they were the sort of feelings that had him terrified at the thought of their relationship changing now that he had finally admitted these feelings to himself.
And, most importantly, they were the sort of feelings that made him so happy to head home because it meant he would see her again.
Penny.
**
A small, secret, thoroughly delighted smile appeared on Sheldon’s face as Leonard turned his car into the parking lot of their apartment building. In the inky confines of the car, no one noticed. Sheldon didn’t really care. The rare expression of happiness was not for their benefit.
He glanced at his watch. Traffic had held them up and it was now 1:40 a.m. Penny should be waiting to greet him in the hallway as promised by now. He tried to keep the skip out of his step and longed to take the stairs two at a time. Wolowitz and Koothrappali were chattering away behind him - obviously delighted at their reunion, and taking their own sweet time. Leonard, though seemed oddly retrospective at his side. He loathed to ask, dreading a potentially whiny Penny-doesn’t-want-me-answer, but he needed to do something to quell the queasiness he was feeling as he moved, step by step, closer to 4B.
“Leonard, is something amiss?”
“No - why do ask?”
“You’re unusually quiet.”
“It’s just that...” Leonard paused - they were on the second floor landing - and looked up at him. “I missed having you around, buddy. I really, really didn’t think I would, but I did.”
“Oh!”
“As did I,” Howard chimed in. “It’s just not the same without you guys. You complete us.”
“Yeah,” Leonard grinned, and Sheldon edged closer to the stairs to the third floor.
“We missed having you guys around too, didn’t we, Sheldon?” Raj levelled a meaningful glance at him.
“Indeed, we did. Our friendship has its moments.”
“What does that mean? Howard - I don’t think they missed us as much as we missed them!”
“Call me crazy but I’m getting that same vibe.”
“Dude, you getting frostbite on your butt was the best thing that ever happened to us!” Raj chuckled. “Your replacement was a girl. A hot girl.”
“May we continue this conversation as we ascend to our apartment?” Sheldon asked, looking longingly at the stairway.
“You guys were in that cabin - alone - with a girl?” Howard looked livid, his face eerily matching the hue of his deep purple pants. “Why the hell didn’t you mention this sooner?”
“We didn’t want to feel like you were missing out!” Raj snorted.
“Spill the beans on the hot chick,” Howard insisted, Leonard looking equally intrigued but not nearly as incensed.
“Jordan Mendes is a promising young physicist with a great body of work to her name,” Sheldon explained indignantly.
“Or just a great body?” Howard smirked, nudging Raj in the ribs. Sheldon huffed and started up the stairs, the rest following like lemmings.
“Dude - she’s the ideal woman - beauty and brains,” Raj sounded wistful even to Sheldon’s untrained ears. “She’s also very nice and I can speak to her in monosyllables and sign language.”
“Whoa.” This from Leonard.
“Duuuude.” This from Howard, accompanied by a fist pump. “Did you tap that?”
“Wolowitz, really!” Sheldon admonished as they stepped onto the third floor landing. “You will not besmirch Dr. Mendes in my presence. She deserves to be treated respectfully, as Raj and I have treated her since she joined our expedition.”
“Wait,” Howard froze mid-step, “does Sheldon have a thing for Dr. Mendes?” Howard asked Raj in shock. A similar flabbergasted look appeared on Leonard’s face.
“I do not have a thing for her,” Sheldon answered. “I just like her. She’s nice.”
“Holy crap on a cracker.” This from Leonard. Sheldon’s smirk was a completely involuntary response.
“I like her too - so lay off her, Howard. She’s going to be here for two weeks, and Sheldon and I would like to be on speaking terms with her when she leaves.” Raj addressed them sternly. Sheldon rolled his eyes in disgust. Too late, he thought. He could practically see the wheels turning in the minds of the two men who had not had the pleasure of working with Jordan Mendes over the past few months.
“Maybe we should be courteous and invite her over for dinner, Sheldon,” Leonard suggested as he followed Sheldon up the final flight of stairs. “She’s in a strange city and she won’t know anyone and it’s just the nice thing to do.”
“Raj and I have already extended such an invitation to her.”
“What? Wow. I’m impressed. Maybe all this time in the Arctic was good for you, Sheldon. You seem, I don’t know, different somehow.”
“It’s probably just jet lag, Leonard. Rest assured, I’ll get over it and return to my normal self,” Sheldon said absently, ignoring Leonard’s muttered: That’s what I’m afraid of.
He got a funny feeling in his chest as he reached the fourth floor landing just outside 4A.
There was no one there.
He glanced over to 4B. No sign of life, no hint of any movement. His chest felt strangely hollow, as if all his cardiopulmonary and gastrointestinal organs had plummeted past his diaphragm somehow and landed at his feet. It was nonsense and quite impossible of course, but that was how he felt.
Feelings. He abhorred them.
Leonard had opened the door to their apartment and was now ushering them in. Sheldon was the last to enter, and took one last look at 4B before entering the apartment and quietly closing the door behind him. He walked straight to the familiar confines of his bedroom, put his bags down neatly by the door, and stood there staring at his bedroom wall. Howard had stopped to use the bathroom and Leonard was getting Raj something from his room. In a few minutes, they would depart as Leonard gave Raj and Howard rides home.
“Sheldon,” Raj said quietly from behind him, causing him to start a bit. “It’s late - she’s asleep. I’m sure she’s going to be over here first thing tomorrow morning.”
“She has rehearsal first thing tomorrow.”
“That’s probably why she’s sleeping, dude. It’s not like she would forget. Don’t take it personally.”
Sheldon blinked and snapped out of his musing. What was wrong with him? He had newly released comics to catalogue after all.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Raj,” he intoned dismissively. “I was merely appreciating how good it felt to be back in my bedroom again.” That part was true, so there was no twitching involved.
“All right, dude. Chill. Hey Leonard, have you seen Penny tonight?”
“No - maybe she was out with her new boyfriend.” Leonard grimaced.
“What?!” Sheldon and Raj demanded in unison. There was a loud flush and Howard soon joined them.
“What?” he asked, looking at Sheldon and Raj’s stunned faces.
“I was just telling them that Penny has a boyfriend,” Leonard informed him.
“Oh yeah. Ryan. Perfect, pretty Ryan.”
“Who’s he?” Raj asked. Sheldon chose to listen and not contribute. What fresh hell was this? He felt dispirited and dejected. It was akin to someone stealing his data.
“I think she met him on the set of that cereal commercial she made. They’ve been going out for a couple of weeks now - actually, maybe a month.”
“That’s odd,” Raj frowned. “Did she mention that to you, Sheldon?”
“No.”
“Why would she tell Sheldon about her love life?”Leonard asked.
“Well, they did keep in touch,” Raj informed him.
“Oh, okay. Well, they started dating and hanging out and he comes over a lot,” Leonard looked as dejected as Sheldon felt at the thought.
Great - he was morphing into Leonard, Sheldon thought distastefully. Would he now have a desperate need for feline companionship - that too, in spite of his allergies?
“Whatever coitus they are engaging in must be limited to his place, though, because we’ve never seen him spend the night,” Howard told them, as Leonard sported a pained expression. “FYI - webcam’s still up.”
“He’s actually nice, though,” Leonard volunteered, albeit begrudgingly. “He even came over last Halo night and played with us. It’s really easy to like him. Unfortunately for some of us, but rather fortunately for Penny.”
“She seems to have found her perfect man. I should have been more aggressive with her,” Howard lamented.
“If you had been more aggressive with her, you’d be dead or in jail by now, dude.”
“Is she happy?” Sheldon asked, not at all sure he wanted to hear the response.
“Yeah. She’s on cloud nine. She is so getting some.” This from Howard.
“Yeah. It’s palpable - she’s... joyous. I think she’s in love.” This from Leonard.
There was a moment of silence as the boys contemplated what appeared to be the harbinger of Penny’s departure from their group dynamic. Raj was the first to recover.
Sheldon doubted if he ever would.
“Leonard, Howard - let’s go. I’m beat.” He conjured up a smile at Sheldon. “See you tomorrow, Squadron Leader.”
“Dismissed, Wing Commander.” Sheldon replied half-heartedly.
Once they left, he began the methodical process of unpacking and putting the contents of his luggage in their proper places. By the time Leonard had returned home, he had showered, changed into his Thursday night pyjamas, and re-categorized the new comics Leonard had picked up for him. He sleepily responded to Leonard’s good-night greeting and had fallen into a fitful sleep by 3:00 a.m.
**
“Shell-donnnn...” The familiar voice sing-songed.
“Danger. Dange... Penny!” He shot up in bed. Her light floral fragrance assailed his senses in the first few seconds that it took his eyes to focus. It was an odd combination of jasmine and mangoes, and probably the result of one of his bath item gift baskets from last Christmas. He slowly turned his head and his gaze locked onto her smiling face.
Dear Lord, she was beautiful.
He positively rued the day he had begun noticing things like that.
“Welcome home!” She whispered excitedly, looking absolutely delighted (and delightful), and all he could think of was why she had never mentioned Ryan in any of their numerous conversations over the past few weeks.
Then she did something that made him forget his own name.
She essentially launched herself at him with a quiet little squeal and hugged the very breath from his body. They fell back against his pillow.
“Social convention, Sheldon,” she reminded him in that same, soft tone.
Some small, still-functioning part of his brain made him move his arms until they lightly encircled her body.
“That’s not good enough,” she mumbled from somewhere in the vicinity of his clavicle. “Tighter. Like you mean it. Like you missed me.” He obediently tightened his grip, and it had the intriguing effect of pressing her so close to his form that it would have been nigh on impossible to infer as to where he ended and she began.
Thank goodness for the familiar blue duvet between them.
Penny sighed softly and turned her head so that her nose nuzzled his neck. “It’s so good to have you back, moonpie. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to see you.” Her breath tickled his neck as she spoke, and for some reason he thought he felt moisture on his skin. Then she - inexplicably - rubbed her cheek against his. Her skin was satiny smooth, and he had never felt anything softer against his skin, not even his freshly washed, fabric-softened, extra-fluffy towels.
“You have stubble,” she chuckled quietly, rubbing her face against his, “and you smell... mmmm... you smell like soap and Listerine - only you, Sheldon,” she laughed. “And your hair’s longer!” She exclaimed in surprise, actually running the fingers of one hand through his hair, while the other hand remained looped around his neck. She leaned back to look down at him, her scrutiny frank and... appraising? “Sheldon,” she stated softly, sounding surprised and intrigued, “you came back kind of a hottie.”
A slow, blatantly sexy smile spread on her face, and he felt its cataclysmic effect right down to his toes and everywhere in between and he abruptly realized that if she didn’t move her luscious body - oh, yes, he had finally admitted that little tidbit to himself - away from his, she would feel it too.
It was a bit too much for him to handle.
Panic swelled in his chest. He really did not know what to do about the tempestuous emotions she was eliciting within him.
And dear God, her breasts were still crushed against his chest. How he had managed not to pass out was a miracle.
“Penny?” He tried to push her away from him but she clung tighter. It was at that moment that he realized that she was lying half across his body - prone - as they were on his bed. Panic escalated to inexplicable terror. “Penny - you’re on my bed. You’re on me! You can’t even be in my room!” He pushed them both up into a sitting position.
“Oh, Sheldon,” she sniffed and scrambled to get comfortable, tucking her knee beneath her. Her eyes looked suspiciously teary; her wet lashes had spiked together.
“Were you crying?”
“No. Yes - just a little.” She laughed, and it sounded self-conscious. “I’m just happy. I would have been here earlier but I turned my off alarm instead of hitting snooze and fell asleep again! Luckily, my cell phone alarm woke me up - I have an early rehearsal.”
“I remember. It was very nice of you to come over,” he told her politely, somehow managing to keep his voice at a lower octave when he felt like shrieking.
They looked at each other for a full minute, neither of them moving, and then her guileless, unwavering perusal started to make him feel... jittery. Like an insect under an entomologist’s intense scrutiny. He twitched. He couldn’t help it - he felt... nervous and unsure and he didn’t like not being in control of a situation that was taking place inside his own bedroom. Insecurities could plague him in the outside world, but his bedroom was his sanctuary.
“Penny, you really can’t be in my bedroom.”
“Oh - right,” she murmured with a small smile. He couldn’t be sure of course, but it seemed to him that she looked slightly disappointed. “I’ll see you tonight, all right? After my shift at the Cheesecake Factory. I’ll get Thai takeout for all of us, so tell the guys not to bother. My treat.”
“That’s very nice of you. We’ll look forward to it. Thank you, Penny.”
“Aww, you’re welcome sweetie,” she smiled. It was The Penny smile. She had a multitude of smiles that she chose to bestow on everyone of course, but there was something about this particular smile he always thought epitomized her essence perfectly: her face brightened, as if lit from an internal light source; her green eyes sparkled like mossy peridots, and her mouth stretched wide, revealing pearly white teeth. The overall effect was stunning.
Good God Almighty, Sheldon thought to himself, what the hell was happening to him?
He sat there - just sat there - for a good, long while after Penny left. Going back to sleep was out of the question, so instead he got up, diligently made his bed, showered, dressed and served himself a bowl of cereal - studiously ignoring the box of Honey Puffs. He settled down in his spot, spoon in hand, and desperately tried to regain his sense of normalcy between the pages of a comic book.
Sheldon Cooper’s mind worked in mysterious, sometimes devious, ways.
That it was a cold, calculating mind predisposed to mathematical brilliance, no one would ever doubt, but everyone seemed to be under the misconception that this rendered his thought processes otherwise limited.
Balderdash.
Sheldon learnt from a very young age to carefully cultivate this fallacy; it left him with abundant time to tinker with his inventions and equations, while the mundane matters of everyday life were dealt with by other, more mediocre, minds.
He could have easily used his genius for evil, to avenge those who sought to belittle and bully - but he was fairly certain that his mother - and Jesus - would not be too pleased with him if he did - so instead, he used his powers for... the pursuit of physics.
Social interactions, with humanity as a whole, had always baffled and repulsed him. With the exception of the familial bonds he shared with his Meemaw, his late father, his mother and sisters, he had never really nurtured associations of any kind. His first and best friend was Leonard, and that had led to a kinship and fraternity with Howard and Raj. In fact, his little universe functioned like a well-oiled machine until... she moved in next door.
Penny.
He had even started thinking of his life as B.P. and A.P. - Before and After Penny - a fact reflected in his daily activities log; a log that had, especially of late, an alarming tendency to feature quite a few pages on his exasperating neighbour, her various idiosyncrasies, and her general inappropriate touchy-feely mannerisms.
And then something extraordinary had occurred.
She - Penny - this singular yet average, shrewd and naive, caustic but kind, amusing but stern, delightful yet difficult, disorganised and chaotic, bewildering and beautiful, blonde slip of a girl - had not been intimidated or otherwise affected by him. In fact, quite the opposite. It had been - and still was - quite unnerving.
The mighty Sheldon Cooper, PhD, had apparently met his match - not his intellectual match, of course, for that was patently impossible - but his match in almost every other sense. She challenged him on both the big things and the slightly less big things that held import in his life. She frequently won these confrontations, too, which was outrageous in and of itself. What he had never expected, however, was how she would change him.
He had not thought it possible but in the two years that she had lived across the hall from them, Penny had brought about several, sometimes alarming, modifications in his rigid existence.
She talked to him - incessantly, if he was not careful - of things that could never concern him in a million years.
She sat in his spot.
She beat him at Halo.
She called him at work.
She came into his bedroom.
She derided his countless routines and orderly existence at every opportunity.
She called him a whack-a-doodle. (And what on earth was a whack-a-doodle, anyway?)
She touched everything - including his food, including him - often and with enthusiasm.
It had come to the point where now he was touching her of his own volition. It was not to be borne.
How was a man like him to deal with a woman such as her?
It was perplexing - even for a brilliant mind guy like him. A phrase of hers, albeit one of the few that he did not object to.
His first inclination had, of course, been to ignore her very existence, but as a strategy - that failed miserably every time she spoke to him. How could he not comment on the humdrum drivel that spewed forth?
Then smiled at him.
Penny and her damnable smiles, always shifting and changing like arctic snow dunes. A myriad different ones, each of them unique and spectacular in their own way, one each for every cheerful emotion that flitted across her expressive face.
The more devastating of her repertoire of smiles were those that began and ended in her eyes.
Penny’s smiles were matched only by her scowls, which seemed to be tossed his way with distressing frequency.
They were different from the glares levelled at Wolowitz when an inappropriate comment was made.
And likewise, quite unlike the frowns flung at Leonard when he was being overly obsequious.
Certainly, the grimaces directed at Koothrappali, when he had a grasshopper in his hand, could not even begin to compare.
No, the ones sent his way were... unique; he was sure he treasured them more than her smiles.
And therein lay the biggest problem Sheldon had faced since the inception of string theories: how to deal with the predicament that was Penny?
Ignoring her was out of the question, and apparently moving away to the North Pole did little to help his dilemma. And he had really hoped that the distance between them would help reset his own mind, and bring it back to normal. For thoughts of Penny were increasingly occupying it, and he didn’t appreciate the distraction; in fact, he was greatly puzzled by it.
What was it about her that made him think of her at the most inconvenient moments?
Like while watching the Northern Lights flicker in the night sky (and wishing she was there to share the experience, and at the same time thinking that the aurora’s jade luminosity reminded him of her eyes, and truth be told, without nary a hint of a twitch: her eyes were infinitely more luminous).
Like while recording data in the Arctic wilderness and imagining her reaction to its vast, desolate beauty. Like while writing a grant (and instead chatting to her about her dismal finances).
Like during Star Trek (where Spock kisses Uhura, wondering what it would be like to kiss a girl and Penny’s face is the only one he can imagine in Uhura’s stead).
That last thought had bordered on sacrilegious.
In fact, he was almost afraid to return home to Pasadena.
He missed Penny. Not just a little, but a great deal. He would never admit it to another living soul, but the solace of being stationed at the Arctic had, in essence, forced himself to face his greatest fear.
Sheldon Cooper had developed feelings, and they were certainly not those of the platonic variety.
No, these were the sort of feelings that cramped your innards and dispersed swarms of lepidopterans into your stomach.
These were the feelings that made your palms sweaty and rendered your voice shrill - or shriller than usual.
These were the feelings that diverted your thoughts in inopportune moments and constricted your heart in your chest.
These were the sort of feelings that tended to grow and embed themselves in your psyche until they drove you to madness... or marriage.
These were the sort of feelings that kept Sheldon Cooper, PhD, up at dawn, talking to Penny, when he should have been preparing for his work day; they were the sort of feelings that made him turn down a guaranteed extension that would have kept him and his research team in the Arctic until the new year; they were the sort of feelings that had him terrified at the thought of their relationship changing now that he had finally admitted these feelings to himself.
And, most importantly, they were the sort of feelings that made him so happy to head home because it meant he would see her again.
Penny.
**
A small, secret, thoroughly delighted smile appeared on Sheldon’s face as Leonard turned his car into the parking lot of their apartment building. In the inky confines of the car, no one noticed. Sheldon didn’t really care. The rare expression of happiness was not for their benefit.
He glanced at his watch. Traffic had held them up and it was now 1:40 a.m. Penny should be waiting to greet him in the hallway as promised by now. He tried to keep the skip out of his step and longed to take the stairs two at a time. Wolowitz and Koothrappali were chattering away behind him - obviously delighted at their reunion, and taking their own sweet time. Leonard, though seemed oddly retrospective at his side. He loathed to ask, dreading a potentially whiny Penny-doesn’t-want-me-answer, but he needed to do something to quell the queasiness he was feeling as he moved, step by step, closer to 4B.
“Leonard, is something amiss?”
“No - why do ask?”
“You’re unusually quiet.”
“It’s just that...” Leonard paused - they were on the second floor landing - and looked up at him. “I missed having you around, buddy. I really, really didn’t think I would, but I did.”
“Oh!”
“As did I,” Howard chimed in. “It’s just not the same without you guys. You complete us.”
“Yeah,” Leonard grinned, and Sheldon edged closer to the stairs to the third floor.
“We missed having you guys around too, didn’t we, Sheldon?” Raj levelled a meaningful glance at him.
“Indeed, we did. Our friendship has its moments.”
“What does that mean? Howard - I don’t think they missed us as much as we missed them!”
“Call me crazy but I’m getting that same vibe.”
“Dude, you getting frostbite on your butt was the best thing that ever happened to us!” Raj chuckled. “Your replacement was a girl. A hot girl.”
“May we continue this conversation as we ascend to our apartment?” Sheldon asked, looking longingly at the stairway.
“You guys were in that cabin - alone - with a girl?” Howard looked livid, his face eerily matching the hue of his deep purple pants. “Why the hell didn’t you mention this sooner?”
“We didn’t want to feel like you were missing out!” Raj snorted.
“Spill the beans on the hot chick,” Howard insisted, Leonard looking equally intrigued but not nearly as incensed.
“Jordan Mendes is a promising young physicist with a great body of work to her name,” Sheldon explained indignantly.
“Or just a great body?” Howard smirked, nudging Raj in the ribs. Sheldon huffed and started up the stairs, the rest following like lemmings.
“Dude - she’s the ideal woman - beauty and brains,” Raj sounded wistful even to Sheldon’s untrained ears. “She’s also very nice and I can speak to her in monosyllables and sign language.”
“Whoa.” This from Leonard.
“Duuuude.” This from Howard, accompanied by a fist pump. “Did you tap that?”
“Wolowitz, really!” Sheldon admonished as they stepped onto the third floor landing. “You will not besmirch Dr. Mendes in my presence. She deserves to be treated respectfully, as Raj and I have treated her since she joined our expedition.”
“Wait,” Howard froze mid-step, “does Sheldon have a thing for Dr. Mendes?” Howard asked Raj in shock. A similar flabbergasted look appeared on Leonard’s face.
“I do not have a thing for her,” Sheldon answered. “I just like her. She’s nice.”
“Holy crap on a cracker.” This from Leonard. Sheldon’s smirk was a completely involuntary response.
“I like her too - so lay off her, Howard. She’s going to be here for two weeks, and Sheldon and I would like to be on speaking terms with her when she leaves.” Raj addressed them sternly. Sheldon rolled his eyes in disgust. Too late, he thought. He could practically see the wheels turning in the minds of the two men who had not had the pleasure of working with Jordan Mendes over the past few months.
“Maybe we should be courteous and invite her over for dinner, Sheldon,” Leonard suggested as he followed Sheldon up the final flight of stairs. “She’s in a strange city and she won’t know anyone and it’s just the nice thing to do.”
“Raj and I have already extended such an invitation to her.”
“What? Wow. I’m impressed. Maybe all this time in the Arctic was good for you, Sheldon. You seem, I don’t know, different somehow.”
“It’s probably just jet lag, Leonard. Rest assured, I’ll get over it and return to my normal self,” Sheldon said absently, ignoring Leonard’s muttered: That’s what I’m afraid of.
He got a funny feeling in his chest as he reached the fourth floor landing just outside 4A.
There was no one there.
He glanced over to 4B. No sign of life, no hint of any movement. His chest felt strangely hollow, as if all his cardiopulmonary and gastrointestinal organs had plummeted past his diaphragm somehow and landed at his feet. It was nonsense and quite impossible of course, but that was how he felt.
Feelings. He abhorred them.
Leonard had opened the door to their apartment and was now ushering them in. Sheldon was the last to enter, and took one last look at 4B before entering the apartment and quietly closing the door behind him. He walked straight to the familiar confines of his bedroom, put his bags down neatly by the door, and stood there staring at his bedroom wall. Howard had stopped to use the bathroom and Leonard was getting Raj something from his room. In a few minutes, they would depart as Leonard gave Raj and Howard rides home.
“Sheldon,” Raj said quietly from behind him, causing him to start a bit. “It’s late - she’s asleep. I’m sure she’s going to be over here first thing tomorrow morning.”
“She has rehearsal first thing tomorrow.”
“That’s probably why she’s sleeping, dude. It’s not like she would forget. Don’t take it personally.”
Sheldon blinked and snapped out of his musing. What was wrong with him? He had newly released comics to catalogue after all.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Raj,” he intoned dismissively. “I was merely appreciating how good it felt to be back in my bedroom again.” That part was true, so there was no twitching involved.
“All right, dude. Chill. Hey Leonard, have you seen Penny tonight?”
“No - maybe she was out with her new boyfriend.” Leonard grimaced.
“What?!” Sheldon and Raj demanded in unison. There was a loud flush and Howard soon joined them.
“What?” he asked, looking at Sheldon and Raj’s stunned faces.
“I was just telling them that Penny has a boyfriend,” Leonard informed him.
“Oh yeah. Ryan. Perfect, pretty Ryan.”
“Who’s he?” Raj asked. Sheldon chose to listen and not contribute. What fresh hell was this? He felt dispirited and dejected. It was akin to someone stealing his data.
“I think she met him on the set of that cereal commercial she made. They’ve been going out for a couple of weeks now - actually, maybe a month.”
“That’s odd,” Raj frowned. “Did she mention that to you, Sheldon?”
“No.”
“Why would she tell Sheldon about her love life?”Leonard asked.
“Well, they did keep in touch,” Raj informed him.
“Oh, okay. Well, they started dating and hanging out and he comes over a lot,” Leonard looked as dejected as Sheldon felt at the thought.
Great - he was morphing into Leonard, Sheldon thought distastefully. Would he now have a desperate need for feline companionship - that too, in spite of his allergies?
“Whatever coitus they are engaging in must be limited to his place, though, because we’ve never seen him spend the night,” Howard told them, as Leonard sported a pained expression. “FYI - webcam’s still up.”
“He’s actually nice, though,” Leonard volunteered, albeit begrudgingly. “He even came over last Halo night and played with us. It’s really easy to like him. Unfortunately for some of us, but rather fortunately for Penny.”
“She seems to have found her perfect man. I should have been more aggressive with her,” Howard lamented.
“If you had been more aggressive with her, you’d be dead or in jail by now, dude.”
“Is she happy?” Sheldon asked, not at all sure he wanted to hear the response.
“Yeah. She’s on cloud nine. She is so getting some.” This from Howard.
“Yeah. It’s palpable - she’s... joyous. I think she’s in love.” This from Leonard.
There was a moment of silence as the boys contemplated what appeared to be the harbinger of Penny’s departure from their group dynamic. Raj was the first to recover.
Sheldon doubted if he ever would.
“Leonard, Howard - let’s go. I’m beat.” He conjured up a smile at Sheldon. “See you tomorrow, Squadron Leader.”
“Dismissed, Wing Commander.” Sheldon replied half-heartedly.
Once they left, he began the methodical process of unpacking and putting the contents of his luggage in their proper places. By the time Leonard had returned home, he had showered, changed into his Thursday night pyjamas, and re-categorized the new comics Leonard had picked up for him. He sleepily responded to Leonard’s good-night greeting and had fallen into a fitful sleep by 3:00 a.m.
**
“Shell-donnnn...” The familiar voice sing-songed.
“Danger. Dange... Penny!” He shot up in bed. Her light floral fragrance assailed his senses in the first few seconds that it took his eyes to focus. It was an odd combination of jasmine and mangoes, and probably the result of one of his bath item gift baskets from last Christmas. He slowly turned his head and his gaze locked onto her smiling face.
Dear Lord, she was beautiful.
He positively rued the day he had begun noticing things like that.
“Welcome home!” She whispered excitedly, looking absolutely delighted (and delightful), and all he could think of was why she had never mentioned Ryan in any of their numerous conversations over the past few weeks.
Then she did something that made him forget his own name.
She essentially launched herself at him with a quiet little squeal and hugged the very breath from his body. They fell back against his pillow.
“Social convention, Sheldon,” she reminded him in that same, soft tone.
Some small, still-functioning part of his brain made him move his arms until they lightly encircled her body.
“That’s not good enough,” she mumbled from somewhere in the vicinity of his clavicle. “Tighter. Like you mean it. Like you missed me.” He obediently tightened his grip, and it had the intriguing effect of pressing her so close to his form that it would have been nigh on impossible to infer as to where he ended and she began.
Thank goodness for the familiar blue duvet between them.
Penny sighed softly and turned her head so that her nose nuzzled his neck. “It’s so good to have you back, moonpie. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to see you.” Her breath tickled his neck as she spoke, and for some reason he thought he felt moisture on his skin. Then she - inexplicably - rubbed her cheek against his. Her skin was satiny smooth, and he had never felt anything softer against his skin, not even his freshly washed, fabric-softened, extra-fluffy towels.
“You have stubble,” she chuckled quietly, rubbing her face against his, “and you smell... mmmm... you smell like soap and Listerine - only you, Sheldon,” she laughed. “And your hair’s longer!” She exclaimed in surprise, actually running the fingers of one hand through his hair, while the other hand remained looped around his neck. She leaned back to look down at him, her scrutiny frank and... appraising? “Sheldon,” she stated softly, sounding surprised and intrigued, “you came back kind of a hottie.”
A slow, blatantly sexy smile spread on her face, and he felt its cataclysmic effect right down to his toes and everywhere in between and he abruptly realized that if she didn’t move her luscious body - oh, yes, he had finally admitted that little tidbit to himself - away from his, she would feel it too.
It was a bit too much for him to handle.
Panic swelled in his chest. He really did not know what to do about the tempestuous emotions she was eliciting within him.
And dear God, her breasts were still crushed against his chest. How he had managed not to pass out was a miracle.
“Penny?” He tried to push her away from him but she clung tighter. It was at that moment that he realized that she was lying half across his body - prone - as they were on his bed. Panic escalated to inexplicable terror. “Penny - you’re on my bed. You’re on me! You can’t even be in my room!” He pushed them both up into a sitting position.
“Oh, Sheldon,” she sniffed and scrambled to get comfortable, tucking her knee beneath her. Her eyes looked suspiciously teary; her wet lashes had spiked together.
“Were you crying?”
“No. Yes - just a little.” She laughed, and it sounded self-conscious. “I’m just happy. I would have been here earlier but I turned my off alarm instead of hitting snooze and fell asleep again! Luckily, my cell phone alarm woke me up - I have an early rehearsal.”
“I remember. It was very nice of you to come over,” he told her politely, somehow managing to keep his voice at a lower octave when he felt like shrieking.
They looked at each other for a full minute, neither of them moving, and then her guileless, unwavering perusal started to make him feel... jittery. Like an insect under an entomologist’s intense scrutiny. He twitched. He couldn’t help it - he felt... nervous and unsure and he didn’t like not being in control of a situation that was taking place inside his own bedroom. Insecurities could plague him in the outside world, but his bedroom was his sanctuary.
“Penny, you really can’t be in my bedroom.”
“Oh - right,” she murmured with a small smile. He couldn’t be sure of course, but it seemed to him that she looked slightly disappointed. “I’ll see you tonight, all right? After my shift at the Cheesecake Factory. I’ll get Thai takeout for all of us, so tell the guys not to bother. My treat.”
“That’s very nice of you. We’ll look forward to it. Thank you, Penny.”
“Aww, you’re welcome sweetie,” she smiled. It was The Penny smile. She had a multitude of smiles that she chose to bestow on everyone of course, but there was something about this particular smile he always thought epitomized her essence perfectly: her face brightened, as if lit from an internal light source; her green eyes sparkled like mossy peridots, and her mouth stretched wide, revealing pearly white teeth. The overall effect was stunning.
Good God Almighty, Sheldon thought to himself, what the hell was happening to him?
He sat there - just sat there - for a good, long while after Penny left. Going back to sleep was out of the question, so instead he got up, diligently made his bed, showered, dressed and served himself a bowl of cereal - studiously ignoring the box of Honey Puffs. He settled down in his spot, spoon in hand, and desperately tried to regain his sense of normalcy between the pages of a comic book.