Assbaby!Jesus: A Brian/Justin Christmas Story

[xie_xie_xie]

This is a little holiday crack written by _alicesprings, happier_bunny, vamphile, and xie_xie_xie, and illustrated by url_girl.

Warnings: Mpreg. Blasphemy. Please believe us when we tell you this.
Authors' Notes: With apologies to plumsuede for gratuitous candied walnut reference.
Rating: NC-17

Comments

[xie_xie_xie]

We can sing songs as the bus goes down...down...down...

[happier_bunny]

It's good to have you in our company. ;)

[court1429]

O.M.F.G.

Moving on.

When the perky bubble butt of the Virgin Justin became even perkier and bubblier than usual, it was found that he was with assbaby

It had never before occurred to me that said assbabies were actually carried in the ass!!! I have always thought they were incubated in the belly and then just exited via the ass. And really easily, too, if the science of the story is to be believed (and why wouldn't it?): He was about to begin another long, heartfelt speech about reasonable preparation not having been made by the innkeepers or town officials, when the Virgin Justin brought forth his assbaby, and they named him Jesus (Gus for short).

It is so miraculous that there is a Bethlehem in Pennsylvania! This story is obviously ordained by a power greater than us mortals.

I was fearful after reading the following: especially when the Virgin Justin wrapped himself in the blue veil that brought out the azure depths of his eyes.that you had missed an opportunity to wax poetical about Virgin Justin's orbs, but I see you

[xie_xie_xie]

It had never before occurred to me that said assbabies were actually carried in the ass!!!

It's a miracle.

[_alicesprings]

The illustrations are perhaps the most perfect pastede on hedz in the history of pasting on and clearly illuminate the love of this devoted, if unconventional, family!

Yes! ITA!

[happier_bunny]

This whole story is a miracle. we've been so blessed. :)

[tazza_di_jo]

...

DED.

[tazza_di_jo]

Also, I am a very bad fangirl. Because that first graphic? Has me picturing them in modern(post-513) clothes, with not-Gus baby. And squee.

I know perfectly well (as Xie said) that they couldn't even care for a plant full-time.

Still makes me squee.

*hides*

[happier_bunny]

you do realize that in our story they can't even be bothered to raise THE SON OF GOD. :)

[epicallytired]

i think we killed them well, which means they come back in three days...isn't that how stories like this end?

[altsunthinkable]

Oh. My. God.

*iz ded from the laughing*

Seriously, I laughed so hard at the first image that I started gagging. I just... oh Jesus (Gus for short) Christ... there just aren't words for the amazingly beautiful cracky genious that this story is.

I needed a laugh like that. I was having a for shit day and now I'm feeling so much better.

*worships the internet wives and url_girl*

[court1429]

oh Jesus (Gus for short) Christ

omg, this expression can totally be like a sekrit handshake or something. If we all start saying it, it will identify us to each other *even* if we're closeted about our little obsession at home and at work. *perks up ears everywhere in order to find sekrit fangirls*

[xie_xie_xie]

OMG, what a perfect idea!!!!!!!!!!!!

[court1429]

In fact, if one needs to fly even a little further under the radar, one could just say "oh Jesus GFS Christ," omitting the outing word "Gus," but still letting other fangirls know they're among friends. I mean, people already say Jesus H. Christ. For all we know, that's some other fandom's sekrit wink-wink, nudge-nudge phrase...

[azureopal]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST CHRISTMAS STORY EVER!!!!!

[xie_xie_xie]

Yes, we're hoping for an animated version in time for next year's holidays.

[azureopal]

Animated assbaby birth?!?!?! EW!!

(looking forward to it)

:P

[xie_xie_xie]

We expect they'll fade to black on that.