fire
funny. so in contrast to some around me -- i'm horrifically risk-averse. i like safety. and options. i don't even really like going down hills really fast on skis or a bike.
except... i play a confident person. in fact, i like to think that i am a confident person. so where does it go when i'm put in a situation in which the stakes are high? what happens to my confidence, my sureness that i know what i'm doing, when "what if" kicks in?
there are some things i'm not willing to risk. ever, in any case... but there are few of those black and white areas, like there're few black and white areas in life. anywhere.
some people here... always manage to make me rethink what i say, how i act, why i do what i do. that's why i like talking to them so much -- because my beliefs are challenged and i can fight my way back to where i was standing before they shook my balance. most of the times i'm successful -- i'm not one to say or do things without thinking. and when i'm not -- i learn something new. so it's a win win either way, right?
i'm jumping around a lot today... i blame the post-nosleeping coffee that's making me jittery in real life. regardless --
something recent made me stop and look at myself again -- who i am, what i'm doing with my life, how i let those around me affect my actions and my beliefs... and i'm surprised at how i've grown, without even realizing it. i've been forced to look back at who i was as a freshman, first semester, wide-eyed but somehow feeling more reserved and older than the average freshman, and compare that with who i am now -- a second-semester sophomore, so dangerously close to being halfway through college.
i'm not ready to be halfway through college.
as secure as i am in who i am, as much as i feel like i've learned and cemented about myself, i like this process. i like this feeling of a giant academic sandbox -- where we have things that we have to do, but there are so many things to learn along the way, about ourselves and people around us. one of my favorite experiences ever at MIT was a leadership camp called LeaderShape -- where i learned less about specifically being a leader but so much about myself and about my conceptions about my environment. people who take time off college... have such different perspectives.
this is the longest entry i think i've written in awhile where i haven't been ranting about something or raving about something -- and it's a little odd, considering the source of inspiration. rather, the source of the source. but i'm not complaining, and... i think i'll take a look at this later after the coffee wears off and i stop shaking.
this place is so fucking awful for my body.......
except... i play a confident person. in fact, i like to think that i am a confident person. so where does it go when i'm put in a situation in which the stakes are high? what happens to my confidence, my sureness that i know what i'm doing, when "what if" kicks in?
there are some things i'm not willing to risk. ever, in any case... but there are few of those black and white areas, like there're few black and white areas in life. anywhere.
some people here... always manage to make me rethink what i say, how i act, why i do what i do. that's why i like talking to them so much -- because my beliefs are challenged and i can fight my way back to where i was standing before they shook my balance. most of the times i'm successful -- i'm not one to say or do things without thinking. and when i'm not -- i learn something new. so it's a win win either way, right?
i'm jumping around a lot today... i blame the post-nosleeping coffee that's making me jittery in real life. regardless --
something recent made me stop and look at myself again -- who i am, what i'm doing with my life, how i let those around me affect my actions and my beliefs... and i'm surprised at how i've grown, without even realizing it. i've been forced to look back at who i was as a freshman, first semester, wide-eyed but somehow feeling more reserved and older than the average freshman, and compare that with who i am now -- a second-semester sophomore, so dangerously close to being halfway through college.
i'm not ready to be halfway through college.
as secure as i am in who i am, as much as i feel like i've learned and cemented about myself, i like this process. i like this feeling of a giant academic sandbox -- where we have things that we have to do, but there are so many things to learn along the way, about ourselves and people around us. one of my favorite experiences ever at MIT was a leadership camp called LeaderShape -- where i learned less about specifically being a leader but so much about myself and about my conceptions about my environment. people who take time off college... have such different perspectives.
this is the longest entry i think i've written in awhile where i haven't been ranting about something or raving about something -- and it's a little odd, considering the source of inspiration. rather, the source of the source. but i'm not complaining, and... i think i'll take a look at this later after the coffee wears off and i stop shaking.
this place is so fucking awful for my body.......