(no subject)
so basically all these fancy colleges I've been dreaming about are letting me know soon whether or not they're letting me in, 3 of the most important tomorrow. and I'm realizing that as horrible as it has been to wait (and believe me, the last few days I've just wanted to sleep away or something and wake up at 2pm on march 29th), it will be worse if I get rejected and just don't have those possibilities anymore. for another 22 hours, I can picture myself at Yale or Brown or Dartmouth and know that it might happen. but I'm really afraid that I won't be able to do that for much longer. it's not like I wouldn't be happy at a bunch of other schools, or even UC Santa Cruz (only school I've gotten in so far) which is lowest on my list, but I just really really want to go to Yale. or Brown. and I'm not looking forward to the possibility of those doors just being shut. I know it's out of my control and I know that I'll be able to have a good experience no matter where I'll go... but for some reason, those things aren't really helping. I also don't think it helps that I was really calm from january until mid-march, so I'm not really used to this anxiety. aaahhhhhh please let me into your schools rich, educated, snobby people