If I had:

[pyrofaerie]

If i had boys bothering me at work: i would squish their hopes and aspirations like ants.

If I had a bazooka manila wouldn't exist.

If I had bigger shoes ALL tier one agents would use their template.

If I had a party hat I would wear it all the time.

If I had a million dollars I would open my own store to sell fun stuff and give microsoft the finger.

If I had a designated smoke buddy at work i would never be at my desk.

If I had a monkey I would shave it.

If I had a midgit I would post lewd pictures in my journal.

If I had my own holiday I would call it Ridcullias.

If I had my own hotline we wouldn't have a population surplus.

If I had rights to movies Da Ali G Movie wouldn't exist.

If I had a yellow polka dot bikini i would burn it.

If I had a couch I would never leave home.

If I had telepathy I would be dead or filthy rich.

If I had a superpower it would be bazooka breasts.

If I had no hair I would look funny (as would you).

If I had millions of dollars Manila would not exist. And neither would Canada.

If I had rhythm I would belly dance all the time.

If I had an XBOX and halo 2 I would see how much i could get to NOT throw them in the Gulf of Mexico.

If I had a bazooka I would blow up people who don't open cases before calling consult.

if I had a bayonet I would kill Autumn Batts and James Hernandez.

If I had more Rum I would drink it.

If I had a sup/lead here I would not be drunk. :)