Love Through Music (RPS, J2)
Fic title: Love Through Music
Author name: pyroblaze18
Artist credit: exsequar made the amazing banner that you can see below, and I shall be eternally indebted to her. =)
Genre: rps
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: PG? Really, there's nothing here apart from an abundance of schmoop.
Word Count: 20,130
Summary: Sometimes you have to pay attention to a song to find what it's really saying to you; at least that's what Jared is discovering…
Warnings/Spoilers: No spoilers for anything on the show. But I must warn against the massive amount of schmoop in this fic. Really, it is quite sad. I think my brain may have turned to mush while writing this…
Written for the challenge at spn_j2_bigbang
Thank you, shotofjack for the initial beta. All of the remaining errors are mine, because I forgot to reread it after I revised it (don't ask) and because I am getting dragged out the door to catch a flight.
“Think fast, man.” Jared barely had time to get his hand up in time to prevent the small projectile hurtling through the air from whacking him in the face. He flipped it back and forth in his hand trying to figure out what cd Jensen had tossed at him.
“Jensen… why are you throwing blank cds at me?” he asked, confused, turning to his costar who had sat down beside him. “I've done nothing to deserve this, and really I don't appreciate it at all. In fact, I think you're failing to realize just what you're forcing me to do. I can't just accept this behavior, this abuse, and -”
“Jared? Shut up,” Jensen replied, cutting off Jared's emerging speech. Jensen ran a hand through his hair then reached for his water bottle.
“The cd isn't blank, it's just a demo of Steve's newest song,” Jensen took a long drink. “We had a mini jam session with Chris when I was down there, and this is the finished version of one of the songs we wrote. Well, I mean they finished writing and recording the music to go along with the lyrics that we came up with“ Jensen paused then added, “Steve sent it to me for my input - I'm singing back-up vocals on a few of the new tracks. I figured you'd like to listen to it since you’ve liked all of their other stuff.”
Jared looked up at Jensen in suspicion and checked the cd to make sure that there actually was some data burned onto it. It wouldn't be the first time that someone would play the “Let's - See - How - Long - It - Takes - Jared - To - Notice” game on him. Granted, Jensen hadn't ever done that, but in his experience there was a first time for everything. Satisfied this wasn't some type of pay back , he smiled up at Jensen. “Thanks man, I'll listen to it whenever we actually get a break again. What sorta song is it?”
“Listen to it and you can see for yourself,” Jensen replied with a laugh.
“Or you could just tell me,” Jared responded just to get a rise out of Jensen.
“Or you could listen to it,” Jensen said, rolling his eyes as he spoke.
Just as he was about to retort, Kim came over to tell them that they were finally ready to start filming again.
~*~*~*~*~
It had been an excruciatingly long day. And an excruciatingly long, cold night too.
That brought to mind the one good thing about working on the Gilmore Girls set - just work on a set for eight hours or so, and you were done for the day. Well really, he mused, the short hours and meeting Chad, were both good things.
With Supernatural, between the long days and night shots, it felt like he was never at home. Of course it was still the best job he'd ever had, great crew, experienced production team, fun stories, talented costar, but occasionally he just couldn't help but dream of days off, of nights when he could just relax on the couch watching movies, and nights of over five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Jared finally sat up, preparing to drag his tired body from the couch where he had collapsed upon entering his apartment, to his bedroom, when he saw a cd sticking out of the backpack he'd been carrying his laptop around in. He couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face as he remembered what the cd was, and decided to play it before crashing for the night. He glanced over at Harley and Sadie, who were once again sleeping peacefully, having greeted him at the door when he entered. Yet again, Jared was eternally grateful that he had someone who could feed and walk the two of them on nights like these when he had to work forever. He smiled at his dogs once more, and with a groan, Jared finally got up on his feet once more. He grabbed the cd as he walked to his room, tossed the empty case on the bed and put the cd in the cd player by his bed.
After brushing his teeth and setting the alarm for work, he hit the play button. As he changed out of the jeans and long sleeve shirt that he had been wearing, and put on a t-shirt to fight off some of the chill from the typical Vancouver night, Jared listened to the opening chords of the music. It was slow and acoustic, definitely a ballad, and he could just tell even before the vocals came on that Steve's voice was going to make all of his fans swoon whenever they finally got to hear him perform it live. And God help them if Chris was singing with Steve, because then no one would stand a chance. It was already a madhouse at the Kane concerts, with new songs like these, the largely female fan base would begin sending even more marriage proposals to both singers.
He was just about to get into bed when the vocals began, and Jared found himself mesmerized almost instantly. Instead of getting into bed, he just sat down and listened to the song, something he wasn't entirely accustomed to doing. Yes, he often listened to songs carefully, but he had never become so captivated with a song from the opening beats. Even his favorite songs took a while to grow on him.
Some people like to tell the world
About the things they like
Me, I seem to hide things from myself
Sometimes I just can't find the words
To say just what I feel
But I'm tired of just always holding back
So I'm writing to you
Hoping you can see through
The many walls I've put up
Because I'm breaking down in front of you
Trying to hold on to the truth
About how I feel deep within my heart
And so these words will speak for me
Hopefully you'll finally see
The way I've felt about you for so long
By the time Steve had finished singing the chorus, Jared was in awe. He knew that both Chris and Steve were incredibly talented songwriters, but this was so different from their other pieces. Generally they tended to stay on the lighter side of music, dealing with happier emotions. Their music was all about having fun and enjoying life - not about confessing one's fears and innermost thoughts. Jared found himself wondering what had inspired Steve to write this song. There was nothing wrong with the song itself, but it still struck Jared as being somewhat out of character for the two men.
I've been lying to the world it seems
About my hopes, about my dreams
And I'm sure nobody's ever had a clue
I've waited for signs that you see
Exactly what you mean to me
But I'm tired of just always holding back
Well this song is for you
And my hope that you'll see through
All my many, many walls
It didn't sound like something that Steve would write. That was what was confusing Jared. More importantly though, it wasn't something that Chris would write, so did Chris and Steve finally give in and get someone else to help them out with their new albums? Regardless of who wrote the song, Jared was transfixed. It was emotional without being too much like the stereotypical country song. It wasn't overly tragic, it wasn't epic. It was just a truthful song, and Jared found that he couldn't get enough of it.
Because I'm breaking down in front of you
Trying to hold on to the truth
About how I feel deep within my heart
And so these words will speak for me
Hopefully you'll finally see
The way I've felt about you for so long
I hope you'll finally see me
As the song came to an end, Jared tried to organize his thoughts knowing that Jensen would be asking him about the song when they next saw one another. While he pretended to hate the endless questions that Jensen put him through every time they heard a new song, Jared loved that Jensen actually cared about his opinion. Letting his thoughts drift from his best friend back to the song at hand, Jared couldn't help but wonder to himself about the meaning within the song itself. He was not a silent person, and for the most part no one he knew was silent either. Tom and Steve weren't quiet really, they were just more sedate when compared with their counterparts. Mike Rosenbaum and Chris Kane were definitely not quiet, calm people, and Jared knew that he couldn't even attempt to label Chad as anything remotely close to calm or well-behaved. Even Sandy was full of life and energy, leaving Jared stuck in the same perplexed state of mind as he tried to understand just how it could feel to hide such a big part of himself from everyone else. As he got into bed and shut off the lamp near his bed, Jared vowed to ask Jensen about it when he saw him on set.
~*~*~*~*~
“Fifteen minute break, people! Fifteen! Not thirty, not twenty, and I don't want to see you for the next five minutes at least,” Kim called out. It was a long day and they were all exhausted from working nonstop, so Jared decided to lighten the mood a little bit.
“So we can take an hour off then?” Jared asked playfully. He knew it was a long shot, but it was always worth it to try and get a longer break.
Kim stared at Jared suspiciously, as everyone working on the set knew very well that given any opportunity, both Jared and Jensen would vanish to catch up on elusive sleep. “Fifteen minutes, Jared. Jensen -”
Jensen stopped walking back towards his trailer and turned to Kim with a confused expression on his face. “Yeah?”
“Do me a favor. Don't let Jared out of your sight. I really don't feel like being here late again tonight. I think we could all do with some more sleep,” the director replied.
Jensen gave Kim an amused smile and nodded, and proceeded to drag Jared away as he began to protest to their director and anyone else who would listen to him. “It's not my fault we were here so late last night!”
“I know Jared,” Jensen replied calmly, trying to keep Jared from getting into full protest mode.
“The lighting was messed up, and the camera angles, and then the stunts had to be altered -”
“I know Jared, I was there remember?” Jensen couldn't keep the exasperation out of his voice as he dragged Jared toward his trailer. Some of the crew members stopped working to pause and laugh at the two actors, as they all knew that Jared often had a one track mind that required distractions in order to keep him from getting on a roll.
“So how could he suggest that I'd keep us here late?”
“Jared! He was teasing you. You do it to him often enough; learn to recognize the signs!”
“But Jensen!”
“Shut up. Hey, did you listen to the new song?” Jensen quickly asked.
Jared was still set on defending his honor, that it took him a few moments to realize that Jensen had changed the subject on him. “Yeah, man, I did listen to it. I really liked it; it's very different from his usual fare, but it sounds incredible, especially once you hear the vocals kick in. Did Steve write it? Because it didn't sound like the other songs that he has written.”
Jensen smiled both at Jared’s observant question and the fact that his costar was successfully distracted, as he opened the door to his trailer. “I'm pretty sure Steve didn't write that one, and of course Chris didn't write it either - it's just way too sappy for him. But I’m almost positive that Chris will do the backing harmonies for Steve on that track though; it’ll sound perfect if it’s the two of them. I really like the way they've arranged the song. It emphasizes the words without making it seem too bold or fake, and I'm rambling about music again, so I'm just going to shut up now,” Jensen said, his voice trailing off towards the end of his monologue. He ducked his head in embarrassment, almost as if he didn’t know how to react when he caught himself discussing topics that he was extremely passionate about.
Jared couldn't keep the grin off his face when he noticed Jensen's embarrassment. As far as he was concerned, Jensen never had to be embarrassed because of talking too much. Jensen barely spoke to most people about things that he really cared about, and he for one never got tired of listening to his best friend talk and talk. “I agree with what you're saying. The only thing I really had a problem with was actually understanding the song. I mean, I understand what it's saying, but I just can't relate to it. I mean, I have no idea what it's like to be mostly quiet, keeping important information within yourself, never discussing things that matter because you don't know how the other person, or other people will react. I just don't get it.”
Jensen still seemed a bit confused, so Jared tried to backtrack and explain his statement better. “I grew up in a family where no one ever shuts up. I don't really know how to be quiet. Yeah, I can keep secrets without any real problems - I mean, my sister would have killed me long ago if I couldn’t - but those secrets are others' secrets not my own. I've pretty much told all of my secrets to everyone I know. Hell, most of my secrets are online for the world to read and analyze at will. I can't relate to the song, and it bothers me because for some reason, this song is really resonating with me.” Jared gave up on explaining any further as he was only making it harder for himself to understand. He looked up at Jensen from where they were sitting side by side on the couch just relaxing for the few minutes before they had to go back out there.
To his surprise, Jensen looked as though he understood exactly what Jared had been trying to explain all along. “You asking me how it is for me personally?” Jensen didn't look as though he was upset that Jared wanted to know about his thoughts, so Jared merely nodded silently acknowledging that yeah he really wanted to understand.
“Well, it's weird sometimes. It's like there are things that I want to say to people, but there's this wall that sort of goes up preventing me from ever actually saying anything. It's like a metaphorical wall made up of all the reasons why I shouldn't actually bother to say anything. Sometimes I can bypass the wall and say something - that's usually when my opinion is dealing with the show, like when I ask questions or make suggestions, or even when I ad-lib lines. But then there's the personal stuff which I can't really ever bring myself to talk about. Like when I went home during the hiatus, my entire family kept pressuring me for information about relationships, 'Jensen, are you seeing anyone? Jensen would you be willing to meet the daughter of our neighbor? Jensen when are you getting married? Jensen? Jensen? Jensen!' There were times when I just wanted to scream out of sheer frustration, because they honestly couldn't see just how much their questions were actually bothering me. I just wanted the people who've known me my whole life to just realize that they were hurting me, but no one ever noticed. I dunno, sometimes I just feel oddly lonely, like I'm somehow just trapped in a cage that I'll never completely escape from.”
Jared sat silently, letting Jensen's words flow through him until he finally felt as though he had some understanding of the song. “So you really do want to talk then…”
“Yeah, I do want to talk. It's just scary, and I guess being quiet in high school didn't help me any either. Anyway, you ready to go back on set? I figure if we show up a minute or two early, Kim won't know what to think.”
Jared went along with the subject change knowing that Jensen was done talking for now. He didn't want to make the same mistake as the Ackles family, so he didn't force him to talk any more than he already had. Instead he asked, “So do you think we'll be able to take off early then? Because that really would just make my day. I haven't had enough sleep in ages.” Jared knew that he looked like a dork, being so happy at the idea of leaving early for a change. But in his defense, they hadn't had a day off in a long time, and even though they had only started filming a few weeks earlier, they were still readjusting to getting thrown back into their hectic filming schedule. If everything went according to plan today, then they were actually going to be getting a day off tomorrow which would be a wonderful break for a change. Jared looked over at Jensen and he could see that they were on the same page, just praying for a day off when they could just relax.
“There's a really good chance,” Jensen replied. “And if we get out early today, and we have tomorrow off from work, it will be incredible. Just think of all that down time to recharge, sleep, and recover from all the bruises we got yesterday. I think after yesterday, I'm never going to complain about the stunt guys doing most of our action stuff again.”
Jared groaned from the reminder of how painful yesterday had been. “Yeah, yesterday was bad, and they didn't even have me do as much as they made you do. Not to mention that that isn't even the worst stuff they're going to be making us do in the next few days.” He stood up and Jensen followed suit, preparing to head back for the set. “I think they're trying to wear us out so we don't go out partying with Mike and Tom.”
“I don't even have the energy to talk to Mike let alone go out drinking and partying with him and Tom,” Jensen replied as they headed out of his trailer.
“Just don't tell Mikey that. Lex Luthor doesn't need an even bigger head… it would be kinda noticeable with the lack of hair and everything….” Jared grinned as Jensen burst out laughing, and he just knew that this was going to turn out to be another good day.
~*~*~*~*~
“And cut! We're good to go people. Jensen, Jared, I need to talk to you both.” The two actors got up from the ground where they had fallen after filming the ending to that episode's fight scene to go talk to Kim again.
Kim smiled and said, “Well, we're in luck. It's still technically the afternoon, and we are done for the day. Eric wanted me to remind you that while you don't have an early call on Sunday, you still have to be on set and in makeup by 10:30 in the morning. Please, please, please don't come in sleep deprived and suffering from a hangover or Kripke will have me written into the next script as the first victim to die a bloody, painful death.” Although what he said was hilarious, everyone present knew that he was at least half serious.
“Trust me, we're too exhausted to do much more than catch up on sleep this weekend,” Jensen reassured him.
Jared looked over at Jensen's exhausted expression and knew that they both needed this day off. So he gave his two cents worth and agreed with Jensen. “Yeah, I'm just looking forward to relaxing and hanging out with my babies. I keep thinking Harley and Sadie are going to ditch me for someone else because I'm gone so much these days. Anyway, can we go?”
“You promise you're just going to be taking it easy tomorrow? No broken bones, no scandals?”
“Yes!” they both replied. “We are just going to relax this weekend and catch up on sleep. We promise,” Jared replied. He was doing his best to keep from pleading with him to let them go, but he had a feeling he hadn't been able to keep the desire to leave off of his face.
Kim looked at them and said, “I don't entirely believe you, but I can see why Sam has Dean whipped. Those puppy dog eyes are powerful. Go on, get out of here and don't try sneaking anything out of wardrobe. They will know. They always know.”
“See ya on Sunday, Kim,” they both said.
Jensen and Jared both headed for their trailers to change into their own clothing, and as they walked they discussed their actual plans for the weekend.
“I am planning on doing nothing but relaxing all weekend long. I was not kidding - I seriously think Harley and Sadie will run off with Becky the next time she comes to feed them and take them for a walk. I mean yesterday they barely stirred when I came home” Jared exclaimed.
Jensen merely raised an eyebrow as he asked, “So really they came bounding up to the door, greeted you enthusiastically, saw that you were exhausted and went to sleep themselves?”
“Maybe. You know, I find it disturbing that you know my dogs that well.” Jared couldn't believe that he had actually nailed their actions on the head. He knew Jensen spent a lot of time at his place, but he didn't realize that he was spending that much time with his dogs too.
“Jared, they do that every single time that you have to work late. It's like you trained them to act in that way or something,” they were now just standing outside of their trailers, and were waiting to go inside.
“I did not!” Jared knew they hadn't actually been trained to act that way, but over time they had developed and adapted some of his own quirks.
“Alright already! Calm down. I don't want to use up all my remaining energy before I can actually enjoy our day off,” Jensen said.
“Speaking of the wonderful, sacred day, what exactly do you want to do? Because a day this rare must be celebrated. I'm thinking pizza, movies, and beer. You in? We can do it at your place if you want.”
“Sounds like a plan, but your place is fine. Wouldn't want to deprive Harley and Sadie of your spare time, after all,” he said as he opened the door to his trailer with a smirk.
Secretly Jared was happy that Jensen wanted to do it at his place, but he didn't want Jensen to have even more ammunition over him. So, he aimed at levity once more. “You mock my pain. You shall pay… for the pizzas. And the candy. So what are we watching? Something that we haven't seen, something epic, something animated, or what?”
“I am not paying for your candy, because you do not need to have another sugar rush, but yeah, pizzas will be on me. And Jared, knowing us we're going to fall asleep while watching the movies as usual, so I vote for something that we've actually seen.” Jared hadn't thought about it until Jensen made his comment, but it was true. Whenever they had a movie night, someone ended up falling asleep. It never really stopped them from finishing the movies, but finishing the movies at a later time or date really only worked well with movies that they had already seen before. That was when the brilliant idea hit him.
“We're watching our old movies! I'll pick two of yours, you pick one of mine, and we'll watch them!” Jared could barely contain his excitement at his latest plan, as watching Jensen squirm because of his roles in his past films never failed to amuse him.
“Wait, why do I only get to choose one of yours when you're choosing two of mine? Forget that. Each of us chooses one of our own films that we can actually tolerate sitting through. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to make it through more than one complete movie tonight, so I think two movies is plenty. Which reminds me, since I'll fall asleep anyway, is it okay if I crash at your place tonight?”
Jared smiled at how comfortable Jensen was with asking to stay over. When they had first become friends they had been shy about things like getting drunk around one another or crashing at each other's places. “Yeah, it's fine. You coming over now?”
“Yeah, if that's alright.”
“It's cool. See ya at my place in a bit.”
Part Two
Author name: pyroblaze18
Artist credit: exsequar made the amazing banner that you can see below, and I shall be eternally indebted to her. =)
Genre: rps
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: PG? Really, there's nothing here apart from an abundance of schmoop.
Word Count: 20,130
Summary: Sometimes you have to pay attention to a song to find what it's really saying to you; at least that's what Jared is discovering…
Warnings/Spoilers: No spoilers for anything on the show. But I must warn against the massive amount of schmoop in this fic. Really, it is quite sad. I think my brain may have turned to mush while writing this…
Written for the challenge at spn_j2_bigbang
Thank you, shotofjack for the initial beta. All of the remaining errors are mine, because I forgot to reread it after I revised it (don't ask) and because I am getting dragged out the door to catch a flight.
“Think fast, man.” Jared barely had time to get his hand up in time to prevent the small projectile hurtling through the air from whacking him in the face. He flipped it back and forth in his hand trying to figure out what cd Jensen had tossed at him.
“Jensen… why are you throwing blank cds at me?” he asked, confused, turning to his costar who had sat down beside him. “I've done nothing to deserve this, and really I don't appreciate it at all. In fact, I think you're failing to realize just what you're forcing me to do. I can't just accept this behavior, this abuse, and -”
“Jared? Shut up,” Jensen replied, cutting off Jared's emerging speech. Jensen ran a hand through his hair then reached for his water bottle.
“The cd isn't blank, it's just a demo of Steve's newest song,” Jensen took a long drink. “We had a mini jam session with Chris when I was down there, and this is the finished version of one of the songs we wrote. Well, I mean they finished writing and recording the music to go along with the lyrics that we came up with“ Jensen paused then added, “Steve sent it to me for my input - I'm singing back-up vocals on a few of the new tracks. I figured you'd like to listen to it since you’ve liked all of their other stuff.”
Jared looked up at Jensen in suspicion and checked the cd to make sure that there actually was some data burned onto it. It wouldn't be the first time that someone would play the “Let's - See - How - Long - It - Takes - Jared - To - Notice” game on him. Granted, Jensen hadn't ever done that, but in his experience there was a first time for everything. Satisfied this wasn't some type of pay back , he smiled up at Jensen. “Thanks man, I'll listen to it whenever we actually get a break again. What sorta song is it?”
“Listen to it and you can see for yourself,” Jensen replied with a laugh.
“Or you could just tell me,” Jared responded just to get a rise out of Jensen.
“Or you could listen to it,” Jensen said, rolling his eyes as he spoke.
Just as he was about to retort, Kim came over to tell them that they were finally ready to start filming again.
~*~*~*~*~
It had been an excruciatingly long day. And an excruciatingly long, cold night too.
That brought to mind the one good thing about working on the Gilmore Girls set - just work on a set for eight hours or so, and you were done for the day. Well really, he mused, the short hours and meeting Chad, were both good things.
With Supernatural, between the long days and night shots, it felt like he was never at home. Of course it was still the best job he'd ever had, great crew, experienced production team, fun stories, talented costar, but occasionally he just couldn't help but dream of days off, of nights when he could just relax on the couch watching movies, and nights of over five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Jared finally sat up, preparing to drag his tired body from the couch where he had collapsed upon entering his apartment, to his bedroom, when he saw a cd sticking out of the backpack he'd been carrying his laptop around in. He couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face as he remembered what the cd was, and decided to play it before crashing for the night. He glanced over at Harley and Sadie, who were once again sleeping peacefully, having greeted him at the door when he entered. Yet again, Jared was eternally grateful that he had someone who could feed and walk the two of them on nights like these when he had to work forever. He smiled at his dogs once more, and with a groan, Jared finally got up on his feet once more. He grabbed the cd as he walked to his room, tossed the empty case on the bed and put the cd in the cd player by his bed.
After brushing his teeth and setting the alarm for work, he hit the play button. As he changed out of the jeans and long sleeve shirt that he had been wearing, and put on a t-shirt to fight off some of the chill from the typical Vancouver night, Jared listened to the opening chords of the music. It was slow and acoustic, definitely a ballad, and he could just tell even before the vocals came on that Steve's voice was going to make all of his fans swoon whenever they finally got to hear him perform it live. And God help them if Chris was singing with Steve, because then no one would stand a chance. It was already a madhouse at the Kane concerts, with new songs like these, the largely female fan base would begin sending even more marriage proposals to both singers.
He was just about to get into bed when the vocals began, and Jared found himself mesmerized almost instantly. Instead of getting into bed, he just sat down and listened to the song, something he wasn't entirely accustomed to doing. Yes, he often listened to songs carefully, but he had never become so captivated with a song from the opening beats. Even his favorite songs took a while to grow on him.
Some people like to tell the world
About the things they like
Me, I seem to hide things from myself
Sometimes I just can't find the words
To say just what I feel
But I'm tired of just always holding back
So I'm writing to you
Hoping you can see through
The many walls I've put up
Because I'm breaking down in front of you
Trying to hold on to the truth
About how I feel deep within my heart
And so these words will speak for me
Hopefully you'll finally see
The way I've felt about you for so long
By the time Steve had finished singing the chorus, Jared was in awe. He knew that both Chris and Steve were incredibly talented songwriters, but this was so different from their other pieces. Generally they tended to stay on the lighter side of music, dealing with happier emotions. Their music was all about having fun and enjoying life - not about confessing one's fears and innermost thoughts. Jared found himself wondering what had inspired Steve to write this song. There was nothing wrong with the song itself, but it still struck Jared as being somewhat out of character for the two men.
I've been lying to the world it seems
About my hopes, about my dreams
And I'm sure nobody's ever had a clue
I've waited for signs that you see
Exactly what you mean to me
But I'm tired of just always holding back
Well this song is for you
And my hope that you'll see through
All my many, many walls
It didn't sound like something that Steve would write. That was what was confusing Jared. More importantly though, it wasn't something that Chris would write, so did Chris and Steve finally give in and get someone else to help them out with their new albums? Regardless of who wrote the song, Jared was transfixed. It was emotional without being too much like the stereotypical country song. It wasn't overly tragic, it wasn't epic. It was just a truthful song, and Jared found that he couldn't get enough of it.
Because I'm breaking down in front of you
Trying to hold on to the truth
About how I feel deep within my heart
And so these words will speak for me
Hopefully you'll finally see
The way I've felt about you for so long
I hope you'll finally see me
As the song came to an end, Jared tried to organize his thoughts knowing that Jensen would be asking him about the song when they next saw one another. While he pretended to hate the endless questions that Jensen put him through every time they heard a new song, Jared loved that Jensen actually cared about his opinion. Letting his thoughts drift from his best friend back to the song at hand, Jared couldn't help but wonder to himself about the meaning within the song itself. He was not a silent person, and for the most part no one he knew was silent either. Tom and Steve weren't quiet really, they were just more sedate when compared with their counterparts. Mike Rosenbaum and Chris Kane were definitely not quiet, calm people, and Jared knew that he couldn't even attempt to label Chad as anything remotely close to calm or well-behaved. Even Sandy was full of life and energy, leaving Jared stuck in the same perplexed state of mind as he tried to understand just how it could feel to hide such a big part of himself from everyone else. As he got into bed and shut off the lamp near his bed, Jared vowed to ask Jensen about it when he saw him on set.
~*~*~*~*~
“Fifteen minute break, people! Fifteen! Not thirty, not twenty, and I don't want to see you for the next five minutes at least,” Kim called out. It was a long day and they were all exhausted from working nonstop, so Jared decided to lighten the mood a little bit.
“So we can take an hour off then?” Jared asked playfully. He knew it was a long shot, but it was always worth it to try and get a longer break.
Kim stared at Jared suspiciously, as everyone working on the set knew very well that given any opportunity, both Jared and Jensen would vanish to catch up on elusive sleep. “Fifteen minutes, Jared. Jensen -”
Jensen stopped walking back towards his trailer and turned to Kim with a confused expression on his face. “Yeah?”
“Do me a favor. Don't let Jared out of your sight. I really don't feel like being here late again tonight. I think we could all do with some more sleep,” the director replied.
Jensen gave Kim an amused smile and nodded, and proceeded to drag Jared away as he began to protest to their director and anyone else who would listen to him. “It's not my fault we were here so late last night!”
“I know Jared,” Jensen replied calmly, trying to keep Jared from getting into full protest mode.
“The lighting was messed up, and the camera angles, and then the stunts had to be altered -”
“I know Jared, I was there remember?” Jensen couldn't keep the exasperation out of his voice as he dragged Jared toward his trailer. Some of the crew members stopped working to pause and laugh at the two actors, as they all knew that Jared often had a one track mind that required distractions in order to keep him from getting on a roll.
“So how could he suggest that I'd keep us here late?”
“Jared! He was teasing you. You do it to him often enough; learn to recognize the signs!”
“But Jensen!”
“Shut up. Hey, did you listen to the new song?” Jensen quickly asked.
Jared was still set on defending his honor, that it took him a few moments to realize that Jensen had changed the subject on him. “Yeah, man, I did listen to it. I really liked it; it's very different from his usual fare, but it sounds incredible, especially once you hear the vocals kick in. Did Steve write it? Because it didn't sound like the other songs that he has written.”
Jensen smiled both at Jared’s observant question and the fact that his costar was successfully distracted, as he opened the door to his trailer. “I'm pretty sure Steve didn't write that one, and of course Chris didn't write it either - it's just way too sappy for him. But I’m almost positive that Chris will do the backing harmonies for Steve on that track though; it’ll sound perfect if it’s the two of them. I really like the way they've arranged the song. It emphasizes the words without making it seem too bold or fake, and I'm rambling about music again, so I'm just going to shut up now,” Jensen said, his voice trailing off towards the end of his monologue. He ducked his head in embarrassment, almost as if he didn’t know how to react when he caught himself discussing topics that he was extremely passionate about.
Jared couldn't keep the grin off his face when he noticed Jensen's embarrassment. As far as he was concerned, Jensen never had to be embarrassed because of talking too much. Jensen barely spoke to most people about things that he really cared about, and he for one never got tired of listening to his best friend talk and talk. “I agree with what you're saying. The only thing I really had a problem with was actually understanding the song. I mean, I understand what it's saying, but I just can't relate to it. I mean, I have no idea what it's like to be mostly quiet, keeping important information within yourself, never discussing things that matter because you don't know how the other person, or other people will react. I just don't get it.”
Jensen still seemed a bit confused, so Jared tried to backtrack and explain his statement better. “I grew up in a family where no one ever shuts up. I don't really know how to be quiet. Yeah, I can keep secrets without any real problems - I mean, my sister would have killed me long ago if I couldn’t - but those secrets are others' secrets not my own. I've pretty much told all of my secrets to everyone I know. Hell, most of my secrets are online for the world to read and analyze at will. I can't relate to the song, and it bothers me because for some reason, this song is really resonating with me.” Jared gave up on explaining any further as he was only making it harder for himself to understand. He looked up at Jensen from where they were sitting side by side on the couch just relaxing for the few minutes before they had to go back out there.
To his surprise, Jensen looked as though he understood exactly what Jared had been trying to explain all along. “You asking me how it is for me personally?” Jensen didn't look as though he was upset that Jared wanted to know about his thoughts, so Jared merely nodded silently acknowledging that yeah he really wanted to understand.
“Well, it's weird sometimes. It's like there are things that I want to say to people, but there's this wall that sort of goes up preventing me from ever actually saying anything. It's like a metaphorical wall made up of all the reasons why I shouldn't actually bother to say anything. Sometimes I can bypass the wall and say something - that's usually when my opinion is dealing with the show, like when I ask questions or make suggestions, or even when I ad-lib lines. But then there's the personal stuff which I can't really ever bring myself to talk about. Like when I went home during the hiatus, my entire family kept pressuring me for information about relationships, 'Jensen, are you seeing anyone? Jensen would you be willing to meet the daughter of our neighbor? Jensen when are you getting married? Jensen? Jensen? Jensen!' There were times when I just wanted to scream out of sheer frustration, because they honestly couldn't see just how much their questions were actually bothering me. I just wanted the people who've known me my whole life to just realize that they were hurting me, but no one ever noticed. I dunno, sometimes I just feel oddly lonely, like I'm somehow just trapped in a cage that I'll never completely escape from.”
Jared sat silently, letting Jensen's words flow through him until he finally felt as though he had some understanding of the song. “So you really do want to talk then…”
“Yeah, I do want to talk. It's just scary, and I guess being quiet in high school didn't help me any either. Anyway, you ready to go back on set? I figure if we show up a minute or two early, Kim won't know what to think.”
Jared went along with the subject change knowing that Jensen was done talking for now. He didn't want to make the same mistake as the Ackles family, so he didn't force him to talk any more than he already had. Instead he asked, “So do you think we'll be able to take off early then? Because that really would just make my day. I haven't had enough sleep in ages.” Jared knew that he looked like a dork, being so happy at the idea of leaving early for a change. But in his defense, they hadn't had a day off in a long time, and even though they had only started filming a few weeks earlier, they were still readjusting to getting thrown back into their hectic filming schedule. If everything went according to plan today, then they were actually going to be getting a day off tomorrow which would be a wonderful break for a change. Jared looked over at Jensen and he could see that they were on the same page, just praying for a day off when they could just relax.
“There's a really good chance,” Jensen replied. “And if we get out early today, and we have tomorrow off from work, it will be incredible. Just think of all that down time to recharge, sleep, and recover from all the bruises we got yesterday. I think after yesterday, I'm never going to complain about the stunt guys doing most of our action stuff again.”
Jared groaned from the reminder of how painful yesterday had been. “Yeah, yesterday was bad, and they didn't even have me do as much as they made you do. Not to mention that that isn't even the worst stuff they're going to be making us do in the next few days.” He stood up and Jensen followed suit, preparing to head back for the set. “I think they're trying to wear us out so we don't go out partying with Mike and Tom.”
“I don't even have the energy to talk to Mike let alone go out drinking and partying with him and Tom,” Jensen replied as they headed out of his trailer.
“Just don't tell Mikey that. Lex Luthor doesn't need an even bigger head… it would be kinda noticeable with the lack of hair and everything….” Jared grinned as Jensen burst out laughing, and he just knew that this was going to turn out to be another good day.
~*~*~*~*~
“And cut! We're good to go people. Jensen, Jared, I need to talk to you both.” The two actors got up from the ground where they had fallen after filming the ending to that episode's fight scene to go talk to Kim again.
Kim smiled and said, “Well, we're in luck. It's still technically the afternoon, and we are done for the day. Eric wanted me to remind you that while you don't have an early call on Sunday, you still have to be on set and in makeup by 10:30 in the morning. Please, please, please don't come in sleep deprived and suffering from a hangover or Kripke will have me written into the next script as the first victim to die a bloody, painful death.” Although what he said was hilarious, everyone present knew that he was at least half serious.
“Trust me, we're too exhausted to do much more than catch up on sleep this weekend,” Jensen reassured him.
Jared looked over at Jensen's exhausted expression and knew that they both needed this day off. So he gave his two cents worth and agreed with Jensen. “Yeah, I'm just looking forward to relaxing and hanging out with my babies. I keep thinking Harley and Sadie are going to ditch me for someone else because I'm gone so much these days. Anyway, can we go?”
“You promise you're just going to be taking it easy tomorrow? No broken bones, no scandals?”
“Yes!” they both replied. “We are just going to relax this weekend and catch up on sleep. We promise,” Jared replied. He was doing his best to keep from pleading with him to let them go, but he had a feeling he hadn't been able to keep the desire to leave off of his face.
Kim looked at them and said, “I don't entirely believe you, but I can see why Sam has Dean whipped. Those puppy dog eyes are powerful. Go on, get out of here and don't try sneaking anything out of wardrobe. They will know. They always know.”
“See ya on Sunday, Kim,” they both said.
Jensen and Jared both headed for their trailers to change into their own clothing, and as they walked they discussed their actual plans for the weekend.
“I am planning on doing nothing but relaxing all weekend long. I was not kidding - I seriously think Harley and Sadie will run off with Becky the next time she comes to feed them and take them for a walk. I mean yesterday they barely stirred when I came home” Jared exclaimed.
Jensen merely raised an eyebrow as he asked, “So really they came bounding up to the door, greeted you enthusiastically, saw that you were exhausted and went to sleep themselves?”
“Maybe. You know, I find it disturbing that you know my dogs that well.” Jared couldn't believe that he had actually nailed their actions on the head. He knew Jensen spent a lot of time at his place, but he didn't realize that he was spending that much time with his dogs too.
“Jared, they do that every single time that you have to work late. It's like you trained them to act in that way or something,” they were now just standing outside of their trailers, and were waiting to go inside.
“I did not!” Jared knew they hadn't actually been trained to act that way, but over time they had developed and adapted some of his own quirks.
“Alright already! Calm down. I don't want to use up all my remaining energy before I can actually enjoy our day off,” Jensen said.
“Speaking of the wonderful, sacred day, what exactly do you want to do? Because a day this rare must be celebrated. I'm thinking pizza, movies, and beer. You in? We can do it at your place if you want.”
“Sounds like a plan, but your place is fine. Wouldn't want to deprive Harley and Sadie of your spare time, after all,” he said as he opened the door to his trailer with a smirk.
Secretly Jared was happy that Jensen wanted to do it at his place, but he didn't want Jensen to have even more ammunition over him. So, he aimed at levity once more. “You mock my pain. You shall pay… for the pizzas. And the candy. So what are we watching? Something that we haven't seen, something epic, something animated, or what?”
“I am not paying for your candy, because you do not need to have another sugar rush, but yeah, pizzas will be on me. And Jared, knowing us we're going to fall asleep while watching the movies as usual, so I vote for something that we've actually seen.” Jared hadn't thought about it until Jensen made his comment, but it was true. Whenever they had a movie night, someone ended up falling asleep. It never really stopped them from finishing the movies, but finishing the movies at a later time or date really only worked well with movies that they had already seen before. That was when the brilliant idea hit him.
“We're watching our old movies! I'll pick two of yours, you pick one of mine, and we'll watch them!” Jared could barely contain his excitement at his latest plan, as watching Jensen squirm because of his roles in his past films never failed to amuse him.
“Wait, why do I only get to choose one of yours when you're choosing two of mine? Forget that. Each of us chooses one of our own films that we can actually tolerate sitting through. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to make it through more than one complete movie tonight, so I think two movies is plenty. Which reminds me, since I'll fall asleep anyway, is it okay if I crash at your place tonight?”
Jared smiled at how comfortable Jensen was with asking to stay over. When they had first become friends they had been shy about things like getting drunk around one another or crashing at each other's places. “Yeah, it's fine. You coming over now?”
“Yeah, if that's alright.”
“It's cool. See ya at my place in a bit.”
Part Two