(no subject)
I’ve been screwing up a lot lately… Doing things that I know aren’t right, or things that just don’t feel right. I don’t know what started it all, I suppose life has been set in motion and chains of events build for a long time before they culminate. I know one cause, well, two actually and I know there are at least half a dozen more but I can’t put my finger on them. But it doesn’t matter, Today I’m starting to clean up my act. I’ve pissed off at least three people today because I’ve decided to I need to draw a few lines cut and dry and do what I feel is right. I don’t even care if I am right anymore. I’ve known what has felt right for a long time and been doing the opposite and just feeling bad about myself, so now I’m going to change it up and doing what has felt right even if it doesn’t make sense. My intuition has always been nearly 100% accurate and I haven’t been following it lately, and today I’m changing that.
I even screwed up again tonight, but It is the last time, I will not feel like this anymore. I will not go against what I know to be right like this anymore. A line is drawn. And I’m sorry if you are reading this and you are one of the people I pissed off today, just know that what I am doing is being done because I honestly feel like it is the right thing to do. I’m not going to become a different person overnight, honestly I am not going to become a different person at all. The things I’ve been doing are NOT me, and they are NOT who I am and they are NOT what I stand for and I’m cutting them off tonight and going back to being me before I start to change into something else. This has been a while in the making but within the last 48 hours it has all come together and pushed me to this point.
Take me for an asshole if you want, but the real me is willing to be an asshole to do what he feels is right and I’m going to find my own rock to stand on since none have drifted towards me. I was raised to know right from wrong and it is about time that I cut off a few of the things that I know are clearly wrong. And a few of the things that are in the gray area as well.
I’m a Paladin at heart, not this mangy thing I’ve started to look like.
“WAKE UP, our life is calling! We're smoking, but not on fire!
Give us a sign that we're alive!
STEP OUT of indecision! How we've been hypnotized!
To think that everything's all right!
The clock is counting down... The clock is counting down!
The seconds tick away... The seconds tick away!
This is our time! Without a doubt!
Time to ignite! We're not going down!
(Without a fight)”
-Hoobastank
I even screwed up again tonight, but It is the last time, I will not feel like this anymore. I will not go against what I know to be right like this anymore. A line is drawn. And I’m sorry if you are reading this and you are one of the people I pissed off today, just know that what I am doing is being done because I honestly feel like it is the right thing to do. I’m not going to become a different person overnight, honestly I am not going to become a different person at all. The things I’ve been doing are NOT me, and they are NOT who I am and they are NOT what I stand for and I’m cutting them off tonight and going back to being me before I start to change into something else. This has been a while in the making but within the last 48 hours it has all come together and pushed me to this point.
Take me for an asshole if you want, but the real me is willing to be an asshole to do what he feels is right and I’m going to find my own rock to stand on since none have drifted towards me. I was raised to know right from wrong and it is about time that I cut off a few of the things that I know are clearly wrong. And a few of the things that are in the gray area as well.
I’m a Paladin at heart, not this mangy thing I’ve started to look like.
“WAKE UP, our life is calling! We're smoking, but not on fire!
Give us a sign that we're alive!
STEP OUT of indecision! How we've been hypnotized!
To think that everything's all right!
The clock is counting down... The clock is counting down!
The seconds tick away... The seconds tick away!
This is our time! Without a doubt!
Time to ignite! We're not going down!
(Without a fight)”
-Hoobastank