Predictable Purgatory
A/N: Stephen King once wrote that Hell is repetition, and I agree, I also recently got to watch Blood- I'm also suffering from recurrent Insomnia...the combination therein is what you see before yo I apologize for the objectionable words in this fic but in this story they are where the need to be and what they need to be. Shout out to AnimalWatanuki! In this fic as well.
Sometimes waking up, fully seeing for the first time an unpleasant situation can have more than a slight adverse affect on someone. I'm not talking of the transient frights when someone is exposed to something as of yet unseen, I talk of the adverse effect of seeing something that tears away the fabric of your reality, taking the chance to rectify that sometimes takes a push.
Of all the creatures in the world, seen and unseen the strangest of them all are humans.
“wake up”
nbsp;The words jolt Michiru up from an overly warm slumber. It was high summer and the city was scorching. The second thing to hit Michiru was the god awful smell of rotting garbage. Obviously her husband had , again, been neglectful in his chore, really just one, to take the trash out. Grumbling under her breath she made herself decent took the trash out, opened a window, since, due to budget constraints they couldn't afford the rent increase with an air unit, and made herself breakfast. After a shower she was off to work as a corporate monkey. Her husband, Itsuki, was a Manager in a highly successful store chain and she herself was diligently working for a managerial promotion in a famous bio-pharmaceutical corporation. As their apartment complex was a half hour walk she usually skipped taking the bus or the subway , unless the weather was really awful in which case she could catch a ride with her long time friend Yamamato who coincidentally lived down the hall from the couple
nbsp;On her way to work she passed by an abandoned lot with a broken down fence. A grey tabby was sitting in front of what used to be a gate opening, the markings around its face looking like glasses, giving her a cool, calm assessing stare, like all cats were wont to do. Nodding to it, (why the hell not?) she passed on by to start her day of mind numbing drudgery. Her day of tedium done she came home to an empty apartment the answering machine advising her that her husband was working late, again, and to please not wait up for him (also again).
“Wake Up”
nbsp;The tang of garbage had settled on her mouth and nose leaving a slimy disgusting feeling on her tongue and the back of her mouth. Groaning she wiped her face of the sweat accumulating already from the heat. Or at least she thought it was sweat, wiping around her eyes brought with it a wet palm full of moisture that was in fact not sweat at all
“Tears?”
Shrugging the vague unease to the back of her mind she got up, made herself decent and, again, took the garbage out. Hurrying though her morning ablutions she found herself time to walk at a more leisurely pace than she was used to, to get to her work that morning. Walking past he broken down fence,which today seemed less broken down if she stopped to think about it. The cat was still there calmly assessing as always. Nodding to it, she made her way off to work and when she returned home that night it was,again, to an empty apartment.
It's too hot and she just came home from work. The late afternoon sun shining directly thought he windows, she hears a vague noise coming from the bedroom. Its masculine and it sounds familiar, she carefully walks towards her bedroom door to open it
“Wake Up!”
Jolting awake the smell reeking to high heaven making her retch, and the vague unease making itself well and truly known, Michiru feels the one thing she thought he had gotten over since her college days, blind panic. Calling off work for the first time in 3 years , binning the trash with an unholy glee bordering on vengeance, and a nice long bath soothing her fears, she dresses in jeans and a tank and hopes a visit to the park will help her frantic mind get back under pace. A canned energy drink later and she was well on her way to feeling all right (energy drinks, her secret weakness but due to her husband's, well, nagging for lack of a better word,she hadn't indulged in well over a year). Lost as she is in her introspection she doesn't notice the tall young man dressed in traditional, if rather ornate, clothing until he speaks.
“Its time to wake up”
“I'm sorry?”
“You need to wake up.”
“I thought I was awake.”
“You need to wake up and you need to wake up soon, I can only protect you for so long here.”
“I don't recall asking for protection” Feeling a bit miffed, she's 35 years old, dammit, and knows basic self defence, she can take care of herself.
“And yet here I am, wake up Michiru-San before it's too late.”
She turns to speak to the strange young man but he's disappeared off the bench and nowhere in her immediate vicinity.
Michiru heads home soon after, makes a simple dinner, watches the news and doesn't bother answering the phone when it rings.
The door opened with surprising little force and complete silence, and she is frozen by who she see's on her bed, her husband, obviously but something is wrong
“WAKE UP!”
Jolting awake, tears running down her face at the half-formed dreams, nearly retching at the smell Michiru starts crying in earnest, her sanity staring to crack under the stress of a day endlessly repeated. And no matter what she does it keeps repeating, like a certain second season of a popular anime. She loses track of how many days pass by with the echo of “wake up” repeating in her ear like a broken record. For a time she tries to enjoy herself, the guilt of missing work passes by quickly. Since her husband insists that her vacation is rolled into her last pay-check the year she hasn't had any real time off in about 4 years and she finds it kind of relaxing. She has done other things too like burning her garbage in the compactor (probably scaring that poor kid in 204), going to the beach several times, skinny dipping (hell no one will remember right) slapping the bitch in 208 who complains by pounding the floor with her broom when the she thinks its too loud upstair (It's hardly my fault I have a squeaky floor), but no matter what she does, even staying up as late as she can, it never fails midnight hits and she shoots awake with “wake up” in hear ear like someone is right beside her.
Strangely she doesn't miss or even bother to talk to her husband although every night without fail he calls home advising that he wont be home, again (always again,again,again) and to not wait up for him (she never does, its a useless endeavour)
One morning tears still damp on her pillow from crying, half formed dreams (or nightmares, full of sadness and pain and again that never-fucking-ending again) haunting her she has had ENOUGH, all caps, we're done, cheque please. Ignoring the state of her home, jumping in the shower and not even bothering to call in (not like she's bothered now for kami knows how long) Michiru puts on the first set of clean clothing , jean shorts cutoff high on her thighs and a very work inappropriate t-shirt, grabs her wooden sandals and practically runs out of the apartment
She gets close to the park and notices the lot with the broken down fence is now no longer broken down at all, the fence is in excellent shape and there is a house, garden and two children, who on closer inspection have obviously had a bad hair dye experience...or perhaps that's the fashion trend of kids these days, she never could keep track.
The same young man, now dressed in something even more outlandish, sits on the verandah smoking a pipe of some sort, Feeling somehow compelled, Michiru makes her way into the yard area excusing herself for the intrusion. The young man looked at her calmly assessing, coolly much like the cat from before;
She notices that he has different coloured eyes
She notices th he carries a lot of sadness in said eyes
She notices, with a fair bit of amusement, th he isn't smoking just tobacco.
“You're here.”
“My apologies for the intrusion” Michiru reiterates
“You need to wake up.”
“How?, I'm already awake.”
“No, You are not.”
“But the world around me-”
“Is just a dream that you created, to hide yourself. Wake Up.”
“How?” pleading now, frustrated.
“Wake up, open your eyes.”
“But they are open.”
“No they are closed, you need to open them, wake up.&rdquo
Tears starting to fall in a silent cascade down her face;
“I'm awake, I just cant seem to get past this day.”
“You will be unable to progress unless you wake up.”
“Can you wake me up then?”
“I can yes.”
“Will you wake me up?” Hopeful, pleading, soft, scared
“There is a price.”
“And what would that be?”
“To experience the real world once more, the price is the inability to run like this again.”
“I'll pay.”
“As you wish."
nbsp;His voice heavy with meaning (promise, smoky and light, and so much more) the world goes dark and then, blinking her eyes open, heavy, late afternoon light falling in a yellow-orange slant across the drawn curtain in her bedroom, the smell, a stink of sweat, musk, and sex permeating the air, grunts of pleasure permeating her hearing;
She gasps as she sees not only her husband but her long time friend Yammoto in her, no, their bed and what they're doing is unmistakable.
Istuki looks up his pleasure filled gaze catching her eyes and his visage turning cruel and mocking
“Look who's home early huh?”
Yamamoto tuns his head his face cool and disinterested
“why?”
“I'm sorry what was that dear I can't hear you” Istuki gently pushing Yamamoto off, not before giving him a lingering kiss pulling on a pair of pants
Michiru's knees give out and suddenly she's on the floor, the metal slider biting into her knees
“why, Why, WHY?!” Clutching at her hair tears tarting to fall faste
Itsuki walks over and calmly drops to one knee in a mocking parody of when he proposed.
“Why what dear, be specific. Why am i sleeping with one of your oldest friends?, Why am I sleeping with a man?, Why you dont do it for me anymore?” his face and voice cruel, cold, bitter, mocking
“Yes why and why now?” Hoping this is just some sick joke.
“Well you see we weren't expecting you home so early as to the unspoken how long I'd say since after the first utterly dis-interesting year of marriage to you. You see I could have any woman I wanted, not that I was truly interested in woman but one does have to keep up appearances. Your parents wanted to get rid of you hoist you onto another man, useless cunt that you are.”
Michiru recoiled as if slapped and the mocking laughter makes her flush in shame. Itsuki roughly grabbed her breast though her jacket and blouse kneading it and rolling it painfully like an inexperienced teenager before dropping it in disgust.
“Shall I tell you dear how much I've enjoyed your friend here, how he makes me feel things that you with your weak woman's body couldn't make me feel even if you paid me for it. How I don't need a dried up old cow as a wife and that I've filed for divorce. Because my dear it's nothing but the truth.”
Surprising even herself Michiru Slaps Itsuki, hard, and while he's still recovering flees the apartment taking the stairs down two at a time, jumping when she thinks she can land without injuring herself. She trips and skinned her knees twice on the sidewalk. Istuki hot on her heels, once he came to his senses.
Running as if the very hounds of hell were on her back, because in a way they are, she makes her way by the now, not empty, lot and grabbing the fence post swings herself in, suddenly disappearing from Itsuki's view as he comes barrelling after her intent on making her pay. Gasping for breath she sees the shop keep once again, wearing an expression of quiet happiness with a mischievous edge. Holding his hand out, she comes forward and grasp's it.
“Now, your awake.”
A quiet smile is on his face and she feels herself return it.
“Yes, now I am.”
“You have a wish.”
“That I do.”
“Come inside, this will probably take awhile, you can make arrangements with your place of work and what will happen will happen.”
“I think I like the sound of that shop keeper-san.”
----------------------6 months Later-----------------------------------
Dear shop keeper-san
Life here in America is at once mush easier and much harder than over in Japan, Harder in that there is still a bit of a language barrier, but easier in that i can finally move up in the field that i went to college for. I'm Manager now in Bio-Pharmaceuticals for a certain company and enjoying both my life and job immensely. I hope you received the package of specific branded Alcohols as requested, and that the payment went to good use. Interesting to note that the career of the certain two men went down the drain after their affair was exposed, but they did in fact bring it on themselves
I wish to thank you,again, for opening my eyes and keeping me safe when needed, and for giving me a chance to live my life again. Even though I somehow feel that this will be the only time we correspond, please, don't hesitate to write if needed, I still have the ability to get a lot of foreign alcohol XD.
Very sincerely,
Your friend (I hope)
Toyonama, Michiru
Michiru sent the e-mail, the icon indicating that it sent fine, smiling a small smile. She leaned her elbows on the table of the cafe where she was having coffee and a snack after a long day. Her laptop was open to instant message family and friends. Now that she had gotten her promotion, albeit she was permanently transferred to America, (also part of her price but one she didn't mind paying) she could visit but...
Putting her wide-brimmed hat on, making sure she didn't have any crumbs on her shirt or pants, and leaving a generous tip, Michiru started the short walk back home (this time with an AC unit inbuilt, and she was delighted at all the varieties of energy drink available). The rest of her payment, her wedding set that had been in her family for 3 generations, and all of her wedding pictures were a small price to pay in her mind for the total discredit of her ex-husband, and her once-friend. Since she left the shores of her homeland behind she couldn't stop smiling, it was small sure, but it was there and the feeling she had, feeling free at last, was worth everything to her.
What would the price be to stop running away from a situation you don't know how to escape
What would the price be to lift your head up high and smile when you are free?
Other A/N: In the course of reading all sorts of holic fanfics, I, by and large see that the story revolves around the boys doing the odd jobs necessary and the price involved. No story comes to my mind that is client centric ( or the the client is truly happy with their life after they pay their price) if I've overlooked a story please enlighten me but I thought I would break t mould ittle and do things from a different perspective. I had images in mind, like screen shot stills but right now I'm batting as I said earlier insomnia, and a pretty bad cough/lung infection thing so drawing anything of any sort of decent quality is a bit beyond my ken at the moment.
Sometimes waking up, fully seeing for the first time an unpleasant situation can have more than a slight adverse affect on someone. I'm not talking of the transient frights when someone is exposed to something as of yet unseen, I talk of the adverse effect of seeing something that tears away the fabric of your reality, taking the chance to rectify that sometimes takes a push.
Of all the creatures in the world, seen and unseen the strangest of them all are humans.
“wake up”
nbsp;The words jolt Michiru up from an overly warm slumber. It was high summer and the city was scorching. The second thing to hit Michiru was the god awful smell of rotting garbage. Obviously her husband had , again, been neglectful in his chore, really just one, to take the trash out. Grumbling under her breath she made herself decent took the trash out, opened a window, since, due to budget constraints they couldn't afford the rent increase with an air unit, and made herself breakfast. After a shower she was off to work as a corporate monkey. Her husband, Itsuki, was a Manager in a highly successful store chain and she herself was diligently working for a managerial promotion in a famous bio-pharmaceutical corporation. As their apartment complex was a half hour walk she usually skipped taking the bus or the subway , unless the weather was really awful in which case she could catch a ride with her long time friend Yamamato who coincidentally lived down the hall from the couple
nbsp;On her way to work she passed by an abandoned lot with a broken down fence. A grey tabby was sitting in front of what used to be a gate opening, the markings around its face looking like glasses, giving her a cool, calm assessing stare, like all cats were wont to do. Nodding to it, (why the hell not?) she passed on by to start her day of mind numbing drudgery. Her day of tedium done she came home to an empty apartment the answering machine advising her that her husband was working late, again, and to please not wait up for him (also again).
“Wake Up”
nbsp;The tang of garbage had settled on her mouth and nose leaving a slimy disgusting feeling on her tongue and the back of her mouth. Groaning she wiped her face of the sweat accumulating already from the heat. Or at least she thought it was sweat, wiping around her eyes brought with it a wet palm full of moisture that was in fact not sweat at all
“Tears?”
Shrugging the vague unease to the back of her mind she got up, made herself decent and, again, took the garbage out. Hurrying though her morning ablutions she found herself time to walk at a more leisurely pace than she was used to, to get to her work that morning. Walking past he broken down fence,which today seemed less broken down if she stopped to think about it. The cat was still there calmly assessing as always. Nodding to it, she made her way off to work and when she returned home that night it was,again, to an empty apartment.
It's too hot and she just came home from work. The late afternoon sun shining directly thought he windows, she hears a vague noise coming from the bedroom. Its masculine and it sounds familiar, she carefully walks towards her bedroom door to open it
“Wake Up!”
Jolting awake the smell reeking to high heaven making her retch, and the vague unease making itself well and truly known, Michiru feels the one thing she thought he had gotten over since her college days, blind panic. Calling off work for the first time in 3 years , binning the trash with an unholy glee bordering on vengeance, and a nice long bath soothing her fears, she dresses in jeans and a tank and hopes a visit to the park will help her frantic mind get back under pace. A canned energy drink later and she was well on her way to feeling all right (energy drinks, her secret weakness but due to her husband's, well, nagging for lack of a better word,she hadn't indulged in well over a year). Lost as she is in her introspection she doesn't notice the tall young man dressed in traditional, if rather ornate, clothing until he speaks.
“Its time to wake up”
“I'm sorry?”
“You need to wake up.”
“I thought I was awake.”
“You need to wake up and you need to wake up soon, I can only protect you for so long here.”
“I don't recall asking for protection” Feeling a bit miffed, she's 35 years old, dammit, and knows basic self defence, she can take care of herself.
“And yet here I am, wake up Michiru-San before it's too late.”
She turns to speak to the strange young man but he's disappeared off the bench and nowhere in her immediate vicinity.
Michiru heads home soon after, makes a simple dinner, watches the news and doesn't bother answering the phone when it rings.
The door opened with surprising little force and complete silence, and she is frozen by who she see's on her bed, her husband, obviously but something is wrong
“WAKE UP!”
Jolting awake, tears running down her face at the half-formed dreams, nearly retching at the smell Michiru starts crying in earnest, her sanity staring to crack under the stress of a day endlessly repeated. And no matter what she does it keeps repeating, like a certain second season of a popular anime. She loses track of how many days pass by with the echo of “wake up” repeating in her ear like a broken record. For a time she tries to enjoy herself, the guilt of missing work passes by quickly. Since her husband insists that her vacation is rolled into her last pay-check the year she hasn't had any real time off in about 4 years and she finds it kind of relaxing. She has done other things too like burning her garbage in the compactor (probably scaring that poor kid in 204), going to the beach several times, skinny dipping (hell no one will remember right) slapping the bitch in 208 who complains by pounding the floor with her broom when the she thinks its too loud upstair (It's hardly my fault I have a squeaky floor), but no matter what she does, even staying up as late as she can, it never fails midnight hits and she shoots awake with “wake up” in hear ear like someone is right beside her.
Strangely she doesn't miss or even bother to talk to her husband although every night without fail he calls home advising that he wont be home, again (always again,again,again) and to not wait up for him (she never does, its a useless endeavour)
One morning tears still damp on her pillow from crying, half formed dreams (or nightmares, full of sadness and pain and again that never-fucking-ending again) haunting her she has had ENOUGH, all caps, we're done, cheque please. Ignoring the state of her home, jumping in the shower and not even bothering to call in (not like she's bothered now for kami knows how long) Michiru puts on the first set of clean clothing , jean shorts cutoff high on her thighs and a very work inappropriate t-shirt, grabs her wooden sandals and practically runs out of the apartment
She gets close to the park and notices the lot with the broken down fence is now no longer broken down at all, the fence is in excellent shape and there is a house, garden and two children, who on closer inspection have obviously had a bad hair dye experience...or perhaps that's the fashion trend of kids these days, she never could keep track.
The same young man, now dressed in something even more outlandish, sits on the verandah smoking a pipe of some sort, Feeling somehow compelled, Michiru makes her way into the yard area excusing herself for the intrusion. The young man looked at her calmly assessing, coolly much like the cat from before;
She notices that he has different coloured eyes
She notices th he carries a lot of sadness in said eyes
She notices, with a fair bit of amusement, th he isn't smoking just tobacco.
“You're here.”
“My apologies for the intrusion” Michiru reiterates
“You need to wake up.”
“How?, I'm already awake.”
“No, You are not.”
“But the world around me-”
“Is just a dream that you created, to hide yourself. Wake Up.”
“How?” pleading now, frustrated.
“Wake up, open your eyes.”
“But they are open.”
“No they are closed, you need to open them, wake up.&rdquo
Tears starting to fall in a silent cascade down her face;
“I'm awake, I just cant seem to get past this day.”
“You will be unable to progress unless you wake up.”
“Can you wake me up then?”
“I can yes.”
“Will you wake me up?” Hopeful, pleading, soft, scared
“There is a price.”
“And what would that be?”
“To experience the real world once more, the price is the inability to run like this again.”
“I'll pay.”
“As you wish."
nbsp;His voice heavy with meaning (promise, smoky and light, and so much more) the world goes dark and then, blinking her eyes open, heavy, late afternoon light falling in a yellow-orange slant across the drawn curtain in her bedroom, the smell, a stink of sweat, musk, and sex permeating the air, grunts of pleasure permeating her hearing;
She gasps as she sees not only her husband but her long time friend Yammoto in her, no, their bed and what they're doing is unmistakable.
Istuki looks up his pleasure filled gaze catching her eyes and his visage turning cruel and mocking
“Look who's home early huh?”
Yamamoto tuns his head his face cool and disinterested
“why?”
“I'm sorry what was that dear I can't hear you” Istuki gently pushing Yamamoto off, not before giving him a lingering kiss pulling on a pair of pants
Michiru's knees give out and suddenly she's on the floor, the metal slider biting into her knees
“why, Why, WHY?!” Clutching at her hair tears tarting to fall faste
Itsuki walks over and calmly drops to one knee in a mocking parody of when he proposed.
“Why what dear, be specific. Why am i sleeping with one of your oldest friends?, Why am I sleeping with a man?, Why you dont do it for me anymore?” his face and voice cruel, cold, bitter, mocking
“Yes why and why now?” Hoping this is just some sick joke.
“Well you see we weren't expecting you home so early as to the unspoken how long I'd say since after the first utterly dis-interesting year of marriage to you. You see I could have any woman I wanted, not that I was truly interested in woman but one does have to keep up appearances. Your parents wanted to get rid of you hoist you onto another man, useless cunt that you are.”
Michiru recoiled as if slapped and the mocking laughter makes her flush in shame. Itsuki roughly grabbed her breast though her jacket and blouse kneading it and rolling it painfully like an inexperienced teenager before dropping it in disgust.
“Shall I tell you dear how much I've enjoyed your friend here, how he makes me feel things that you with your weak woman's body couldn't make me feel even if you paid me for it. How I don't need a dried up old cow as a wife and that I've filed for divorce. Because my dear it's nothing but the truth.”
Surprising even herself Michiru Slaps Itsuki, hard, and while he's still recovering flees the apartment taking the stairs down two at a time, jumping when she thinks she can land without injuring herself. She trips and skinned her knees twice on the sidewalk. Istuki hot on her heels, once he came to his senses.
Running as if the very hounds of hell were on her back, because in a way they are, she makes her way by the now, not empty, lot and grabbing the fence post swings herself in, suddenly disappearing from Itsuki's view as he comes barrelling after her intent on making her pay. Gasping for breath she sees the shop keep once again, wearing an expression of quiet happiness with a mischievous edge. Holding his hand out, she comes forward and grasp's it.
“Now, your awake.”
A quiet smile is on his face and she feels herself return it.
“Yes, now I am.”
“You have a wish.”
“That I do.”
“Come inside, this will probably take awhile, you can make arrangements with your place of work and what will happen will happen.”
“I think I like the sound of that shop keeper-san.”
----------------------6 months Later-----------------------------------
Dear shop keeper-san
Life here in America is at once mush easier and much harder than over in Japan, Harder in that there is still a bit of a language barrier, but easier in that i can finally move up in the field that i went to college for. I'm Manager now in Bio-Pharmaceuticals for a certain company and enjoying both my life and job immensely. I hope you received the package of specific branded Alcohols as requested, and that the payment went to good use. Interesting to note that the career of the certain two men went down the drain after their affair was exposed, but they did in fact bring it on themselves
I wish to thank you,again, for opening my eyes and keeping me safe when needed, and for giving me a chance to live my life again. Even though I somehow feel that this will be the only time we correspond, please, don't hesitate to write if needed, I still have the ability to get a lot of foreign alcohol XD.
Very sincerely,
Your friend (I hope)
Toyonama, Michiru
Michiru sent the e-mail, the icon indicating that it sent fine, smiling a small smile. She leaned her elbows on the table of the cafe where she was having coffee and a snack after a long day. Her laptop was open to instant message family and friends. Now that she had gotten her promotion, albeit she was permanently transferred to America, (also part of her price but one she didn't mind paying) she could visit but...
Putting her wide-brimmed hat on, making sure she didn't have any crumbs on her shirt or pants, and leaving a generous tip, Michiru started the short walk back home (this time with an AC unit inbuilt, and she was delighted at all the varieties of energy drink available). The rest of her payment, her wedding set that had been in her family for 3 generations, and all of her wedding pictures were a small price to pay in her mind for the total discredit of her ex-husband, and her once-friend. Since she left the shores of her homeland behind she couldn't stop smiling, it was small sure, but it was there and the feeling she had, feeling free at last, was worth everything to her.
What would the price be to stop running away from a situation you don't know how to escape
What would the price be to lift your head up high and smile when you are free?
Other A/N: In the course of reading all sorts of holic fanfics, I, by and large see that the story revolves around the boys doing the odd jobs necessary and the price involved. No story comes to my mind that is client centric ( or the the client is truly happy with their life after they pay their price) if I've overlooked a story please enlighten me but I thought I would break t mould ittle and do things from a different perspective. I had images in mind, like screen shot stills but right now I'm batting as I said earlier insomnia, and a pretty bad cough/lung infection thing so drawing anything of any sort of decent quality is a bit beyond my ken at the moment.