therapy
sometimes the easiest solutions to your problems is simply to write them all down and express on paper ways you can try to work them all out. i did that today cuz i was feeling really exhausted, and when i mean exhausted i don't mean because of lack of sleep alone, but because i had so much on my mind i felt like a huge drill was turning my brain into a glop of cranial mush. everything all scrambled. so i wrote what i needed to do and set up my bill payments for the next month, and that was so much better than a nap.
i'm also starting to write letters to people i'll never send.
i had a dream the other night that i was in a slaughterhouse dressed in jeans and a red t-shirt, and i was still me, but for some reason the guy working there thought i was a cow. so he hung me upside down and told me that everything was gonna be ok and was being really comforting and shit, and basically he sliced my throat open and i was being killed by exsanguination. only i didn't die or feel that much pain; maybe the equivalent of a pin lodged in my neck for some reason or like a shot in a doctor's office. and all i could think of was having unfinished business and being scared shitless and profoundly sad of not resolving any of it. kinda sad to know that the thousands of cows slaughtered daily don't have anyone telling them that they're gonna be fine postmortem, nor do i really know if cows have any awareness of death or an afterlife as a possibility for existence.
a couple of days i ate a burger at a diner and felt my arteries clogging like a mofo. no more burgers for me.
i'm also starting to write letters to people i'll never send.
i had a dream the other night that i was in a slaughterhouse dressed in jeans and a red t-shirt, and i was still me, but for some reason the guy working there thought i was a cow. so he hung me upside down and told me that everything was gonna be ok and was being really comforting and shit, and basically he sliced my throat open and i was being killed by exsanguination. only i didn't die or feel that much pain; maybe the equivalent of a pin lodged in my neck for some reason or like a shot in a doctor's office. and all i could think of was having unfinished business and being scared shitless and profoundly sad of not resolving any of it. kinda sad to know that the thousands of cows slaughtered daily don't have anyone telling them that they're gonna be fine postmortem, nor do i really know if cows have any awareness of death or an afterlife as a possibility for existence.
a couple of days i ate a burger at a diner and felt my arteries clogging like a mofo. no more burgers for me.