(no subject)
Fucking hell i hate these dreams!! of course I wake up completely shaking.. extremely cold and hardly breathing ... or at least its a struggle to do easily. But yea- hey at least i wasnt crying this time- extremely terrified but not crying.. not yet haha.
Anywho these just progressively get weirder and worse... and yea. This time its not only a paralyzing force and screaming fequency... its constricting and its pushing me. I was lying down (as you do) and i couldnt move of course only this time only one of my arms i could get to move every now and then.. and i swear i can talk during this... i know i'm saying things, trying to warn those in my dream. Joy was there talking to me.. at least i could hear her voice but not what she said. I kept trying to tell her that "i'm not me... whatever i say its false.. don't listen to me the dream has me" and shit like that... then other voices would come in like my mothers and my brother- it pretty much quoted their worst moments of when i felt like complete failures to them. it was horrible re-living all those feelings again- but yea i finally snap out of the voices and I open my eyes and i see my vision fluttering and i cant hold onto it.. and i slip back in i'm more aware of my body now and i'm lying face down (even though i'm truly on my side as i found out when i woke) my arms were locked under me... and "the force" started the paralyzing sensation and the frequency ... but then it added something more... it started squeezing my body to the mattress... i couldnt escape... i started to loose my breath.. i couldnt breathe for some time and my entire process of thoughts and my conciousness in the unconsiousness started to slip away... i felt my heart slow to an unbareable sluggish speed and my fingers released their tense grip and everything became calm.. i completely blacked out in the dream and i (btw now i'm crying) yay! ... anywho!- so i awake from the blackout and i'm on my side.. how i was when i fell asleep. Well i think yay! i'm awake!... no no your not! i'm still asleep.. i cant move still and when i do its just barely. So now i'm freaked and i just want to get out of my room whatever. I break the forces hold on the paralyzation and i'm able to lift my arms i open my eyes and see pitch black darkness surrounding me. Dont care!! i stand up feel around to the door knock over a few items on my dresser which are CLEARLY felt- its insane... anywho so my arms them lock down at my side at this point and i have to do some funky trick work to get the door open w/ barely functional hands... i get it open the go to the bathroom. i flip on all the lights but they dont work! nothing does so i slump down the floor and accept defeat. then i think wait.. well i should probably just go back to the dream world (which i already am in) and so i go back to my bed and lie down. I fall asleep and the paralyzing force comes back blah blah blah... i do the opening eyes thing again.. they flutter as they did before and i cant wake.. but finally i get them open and I'm staring at reality! reality as it is and not as it was masked! as wonderful as it felt to be out i was completely shaken by it and like i said i couldnt breath and i was pretty much gasping at this point... even as i sat in my bed looking outward with the moons light seeping slightly through my window there was an eerie blackness to everything around me.. i waited for my eyes to adjust but they never did! i got scared as i saw things crawl over my walls... quick and black like darting lizards with no feet.. i quickly then to prove i was out went to the lights and flipped them on...
They came on- it was real... i was out.. everything was normal and dandy as could be.
So yea now i'm down here writing it out before I forget it.
I'm sure theres more that i'm forgetting but yea all will be revealed at a later date....
Anywho these just progressively get weirder and worse... and yea. This time its not only a paralyzing force and screaming fequency... its constricting and its pushing me. I was lying down (as you do) and i couldnt move of course only this time only one of my arms i could get to move every now and then.. and i swear i can talk during this... i know i'm saying things, trying to warn those in my dream. Joy was there talking to me.. at least i could hear her voice but not what she said. I kept trying to tell her that "i'm not me... whatever i say its false.. don't listen to me the dream has me" and shit like that... then other voices would come in like my mothers and my brother- it pretty much quoted their worst moments of when i felt like complete failures to them. it was horrible re-living all those feelings again- but yea i finally snap out of the voices and I open my eyes and i see my vision fluttering and i cant hold onto it.. and i slip back in i'm more aware of my body now and i'm lying face down (even though i'm truly on my side as i found out when i woke) my arms were locked under me... and "the force" started the paralyzing sensation and the frequency ... but then it added something more... it started squeezing my body to the mattress... i couldnt escape... i started to loose my breath.. i couldnt breathe for some time and my entire process of thoughts and my conciousness in the unconsiousness started to slip away... i felt my heart slow to an unbareable sluggish speed and my fingers released their tense grip and everything became calm.. i completely blacked out in the dream and i (btw now i'm crying) yay! ... anywho!- so i awake from the blackout and i'm on my side.. how i was when i fell asleep. Well i think yay! i'm awake!... no no your not! i'm still asleep.. i cant move still and when i do its just barely. So now i'm freaked and i just want to get out of my room whatever. I break the forces hold on the paralyzation and i'm able to lift my arms i open my eyes and see pitch black darkness surrounding me. Dont care!! i stand up feel around to the door knock over a few items on my dresser which are CLEARLY felt- its insane... anywho so my arms them lock down at my side at this point and i have to do some funky trick work to get the door open w/ barely functional hands... i get it open the go to the bathroom. i flip on all the lights but they dont work! nothing does so i slump down the floor and accept defeat. then i think wait.. well i should probably just go back to the dream world (which i already am in) and so i go back to my bed and lie down. I fall asleep and the paralyzing force comes back blah blah blah... i do the opening eyes thing again.. they flutter as they did before and i cant wake.. but finally i get them open and I'm staring at reality! reality as it is and not as it was masked! as wonderful as it felt to be out i was completely shaken by it and like i said i couldnt breath and i was pretty much gasping at this point... even as i sat in my bed looking outward with the moons light seeping slightly through my window there was an eerie blackness to everything around me.. i waited for my eyes to adjust but they never did! i got scared as i saw things crawl over my walls... quick and black like darting lizards with no feet.. i quickly then to prove i was out went to the lights and flipped them on...
They came on- it was real... i was out.. everything was normal and dandy as could be.
So yea now i'm down here writing it out before I forget it.
I'm sure theres more that i'm forgetting but yea all will be revealed at a later date....