My bi-yearly LJ update
Oh 2016, so far you have been real and you have been fun, but you haven't been real fun.
I'm not going to bother bombarding this post with pictures of Nola, as anyone who's left in these parts is friends with me on Facebook anyway. And you all know how much I babyspam. But I love her. I love her more than I thought possible. She has captured my heart in a most intense way. Of course I don't love her more than our boys. But she has been a precious surprise gift from God, and I thank Him every day for her.
I love it here. This is the place where I get to dive into the nitty gritty of things.
I cried today. I cry about two or three times a week since Nola has been born. There's something different about my life as a "new mom" with Nola versus my life as a "new mom" with the boys 8-10 years ago. Life is richer. So many feels. My heart is softer, but more guarded. In a good way. I cry when the Holy Spirit lifts me through music, teaching, words. I also cry when I'm at my wits end and feel like I have nothing left to give. Which is often when you're in your late 30's and have a baby, two older kids with commitments, a husband, a messy house, and a full time job. I can't be the best mom I can be and I can't be the best employee I can be. I'm just decent at everything, but not outstanding. I'm drained most of the time. But I keep. on. going.
Nola has plagiocephaly and we have been bringing her to appointment after appointment for CT scans of her head, measurements, helmet fittings, etc. Every time I look at that newly issued helmet I want to throw it across the room. I know in the long run I will appreciate it but right now it is a thorn in my side. Why can't she just have a normal shaped head like her brothers did as babies?!! And then I cry because I'm being selfish and this is NOT a life-threatening illness. I Google the crap out of things; "adults with untreated plagiocephaly", "can baby get heatstroke from wearing helmet too long", "Infant dosage for Tylenol", "when does amoxicillin expire", "home therapy for infant torticollis", "extra sutures in baby's skull", "etc" "etc" "etc" My computer and phone are practically smoking these days. Then Norm and the boys all tell me I worry too much. Then I worry too much that I'm worrying too much. But then I talk to my mom and she worries with me and I feel better. So thankful she's still around and still relatively healthy. And I pray a lot. Sometimes it's a last resort and then I feel guilty about that. It should be the first thing I do. Google over God? Should be the other way around.
Anyway, because of all the different directions I'm being pulled, I haven't been taking very good care of myself. My heels hurt. This plantar fasciitis just won't go away. I'm starting to get carpal tunnel symptoms. I have been dealing with a weird skin infection that I thought was recurring staph infection. But today I learned that it's actually hidradenitis suppurativa. Thanks Google. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, this is what I'm dealing with. Auto immune diseases run in my family and this is one of them. 1/3 of people with auto immune diseases have a family history of them. Every word used to describe this crazy chronic ailment is spot on with what I've been dealing with. Fun fun. I am so tired. No matter how much sleep I get I'm so. stinking. tired. I have been sneaking cigarettes here and there, mainly when my friend Emily wants to hang out. I am learning quickly that I can't do this and I can't drink alcohol of any form anymore. One drink these days makes my entire body shut down, like literally, one sip. Norm shared his cocktail with me last night and then we went for a walk. I was 100% unmotivated after just a few sips. My whole body felt like it was seized up. Hard to explain. And come to find out, this hidradenitis suppurativa can be controlled by diet. The Whole 30 diet is highly suggested for people with auto immune diseases. So yeah, again, thank God nothing I'm dealing with is life threatening, but it is time to make some changes. I'm becoming a boring middle aged mom who sips on mock-tails and munches on carrot sticks while everyone else is eating burgers and drinking beer. Ugh. Waaaa, I know right? Dude, lifestyle changes are HARD.
Still reading this?
The boys have constant commitments, whether they're related to friends, 4H, wrestling, the doctor, the dentist, or piano. It's always something and I'm almost always forgetting. Even when I put it on the calendar. They're amazing young men, though. I just love them so much. They're so cool. And funny. We've created these pretty awesome human beings. I'm so proud that they're ours.
Through it all, though, life is good. And funny. And rich. And blessed. We are in the meat grinder right now, a stage of life that is horrific in the midst of it, but looked upon with fond memories later on in life. I know this. So I do my best to treasure it.
With that, I am off to research this Whole30 thing and give it a whirl.
I'm not going to bother bombarding this post with pictures of Nola, as anyone who's left in these parts is friends with me on Facebook anyway. And you all know how much I babyspam. But I love her. I love her more than I thought possible. She has captured my heart in a most intense way. Of course I don't love her more than our boys. But she has been a precious surprise gift from God, and I thank Him every day for her.
I love it here. This is the place where I get to dive into the nitty gritty of things.
I cried today. I cry about two or three times a week since Nola has been born. There's something different about my life as a "new mom" with Nola versus my life as a "new mom" with the boys 8-10 years ago. Life is richer. So many feels. My heart is softer, but more guarded. In a good way. I cry when the Holy Spirit lifts me through music, teaching, words. I also cry when I'm at my wits end and feel like I have nothing left to give. Which is often when you're in your late 30's and have a baby, two older kids with commitments, a husband, a messy house, and a full time job. I can't be the best mom I can be and I can't be the best employee I can be. I'm just decent at everything, but not outstanding. I'm drained most of the time. But I keep. on. going.
Nola has plagiocephaly and we have been bringing her to appointment after appointment for CT scans of her head, measurements, helmet fittings, etc. Every time I look at that newly issued helmet I want to throw it across the room. I know in the long run I will appreciate it but right now it is a thorn in my side. Why can't she just have a normal shaped head like her brothers did as babies?!! And then I cry because I'm being selfish and this is NOT a life-threatening illness. I Google the crap out of things; "adults with untreated plagiocephaly", "can baby get heatstroke from wearing helmet too long", "Infant dosage for Tylenol", "when does amoxicillin expire", "home therapy for infant torticollis", "extra sutures in baby's skull", "etc" "etc" "etc" My computer and phone are practically smoking these days. Then Norm and the boys all tell me I worry too much. Then I worry too much that I'm worrying too much. But then I talk to my mom and she worries with me and I feel better. So thankful she's still around and still relatively healthy. And I pray a lot. Sometimes it's a last resort and then I feel guilty about that. It should be the first thing I do. Google over God? Should be the other way around.
Anyway, because of all the different directions I'm being pulled, I haven't been taking very good care of myself. My heels hurt. This plantar fasciitis just won't go away. I'm starting to get carpal tunnel symptoms. I have been dealing with a weird skin infection that I thought was recurring staph infection. But today I learned that it's actually hidradenitis suppurativa. Thanks Google. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, this is what I'm dealing with. Auto immune diseases run in my family and this is one of them. 1/3 of people with auto immune diseases have a family history of them. Every word used to describe this crazy chronic ailment is spot on with what I've been dealing with. Fun fun. I am so tired. No matter how much sleep I get I'm so. stinking. tired. I have been sneaking cigarettes here and there, mainly when my friend Emily wants to hang out. I am learning quickly that I can't do this and I can't drink alcohol of any form anymore. One drink these days makes my entire body shut down, like literally, one sip. Norm shared his cocktail with me last night and then we went for a walk. I was 100% unmotivated after just a few sips. My whole body felt like it was seized up. Hard to explain. And come to find out, this hidradenitis suppurativa can be controlled by diet. The Whole 30 diet is highly suggested for people with auto immune diseases. So yeah, again, thank God nothing I'm dealing with is life threatening, but it is time to make some changes. I'm becoming a boring middle aged mom who sips on mock-tails and munches on carrot sticks while everyone else is eating burgers and drinking beer. Ugh. Waaaa, I know right? Dude, lifestyle changes are HARD.
Still reading this?
The boys have constant commitments, whether they're related to friends, 4H, wrestling, the doctor, the dentist, or piano. It's always something and I'm almost always forgetting. Even when I put it on the calendar. They're amazing young men, though. I just love them so much. They're so cool. And funny. We've created these pretty awesome human beings. I'm so proud that they're ours.
Through it all, though, life is good. And funny. And rich. And blessed. We are in the meat grinder right now, a stage of life that is horrific in the midst of it, but looked upon with fond memories later on in life. I know this. So I do my best to treasure it.
With that, I am off to research this Whole30 thing and give it a whirl.