The saga continues
It feels like one-step forward, five steps back with the parents at the moment. Dad came around on Monday because our dining room ceiling was leaking. I thought this was massive progress. While the conversation was incredibly awkward, I made it and thought things were mending. I thought perhaps he'd even come around on Wednesday, their usual day to do renovations, to hook up the vanity, since he told me not to let Steve touch it under any circumstances.
However, somewhere along the way my invitation to Easter was rescinded. Mum appeared to be cancelling the entire event when I spoke to her yesterday, but I've discovered today from Madelyn it's just MY invitation. That feels great.
At this point I intend to just keep motoring through. I'll visit on Sunday and hand over gifts, even if they promptly go in the bin. It's Easter, and you see family, whether they want to see you or not. It's also Madelyn's birthday tomorrow, and that girl has been the only one member of my family who's stayed connected to me through all of this. So I really want to see her for her birthday.
Th anger I felt last time I posted is gone. Now I'm just really sad. I hate feeling like I can't be me and be a member of my family. These arguments are all the same. They took issue with what I was posting online when we first got the Internet. They've taken umbrage with the way I clean, or don't clean to their standard, for as long as I've lived out of home. Why are things untenable now? I feel like this is the new normal. And when you've been used to a certain way of being, of a closeness and a friendship, that's heartbreaking.
Dad would hate that I'm posting all this here. He'd call it airing dirty laundry and exposing the family more. What I think he'd miss, is that when I write it's not really about them at all. It's about me, my feelings, my reactions, where I am in the world. The people in my orbit impact it, but I've never been one to say x is this or y is that. It might be a subtle distinction, but I think it's an important one.
However, somewhere along the way my invitation to Easter was rescinded. Mum appeared to be cancelling the entire event when I spoke to her yesterday, but I've discovered today from Madelyn it's just MY invitation. That feels great.
At this point I intend to just keep motoring through. I'll visit on Sunday and hand over gifts, even if they promptly go in the bin. It's Easter, and you see family, whether they want to see you or not. It's also Madelyn's birthday tomorrow, and that girl has been the only one member of my family who's stayed connected to me through all of this. So I really want to see her for her birthday.
Th anger I felt last time I posted is gone. Now I'm just really sad. I hate feeling like I can't be me and be a member of my family. These arguments are all the same. They took issue with what I was posting online when we first got the Internet. They've taken umbrage with the way I clean, or don't clean to their standard, for as long as I've lived out of home. Why are things untenable now? I feel like this is the new normal. And when you've been used to a certain way of being, of a closeness and a friendship, that's heartbreaking.
Dad would hate that I'm posting all this here. He'd call it airing dirty laundry and exposing the family more. What I think he'd miss, is that when I write it's not really about them at all. It's about me, my feelings, my reactions, where I am in the world. The people in my orbit impact it, but I've never been one to say x is this or y is that. It might be a subtle distinction, but I think it's an important one.