A homecoming
I can hardly believe it's been nine months since I wrote here. I think I started to back away from Livejournal ironically after I made some new "friends." I was kind of stoked that I got some comments from new people who wanted to get to know me, but as I was reading through their posts I didn't feel like we had all that much in common. And they posted so much that the posts from the people I considered my real friends over here were getting drowned out. Speaking of, when did Livejournal start showing just a small selection of posts in its friends feed? I went to my friends feed today and there was just one post. I remember when I used to be able to go back as far as I needed to to catch up. Anyway, I've purged those people, chalked it up to a failed experiment, and decided to focus on what drew me here in the first place.
I'm also back here because I'm feeling like I need a familiar place to express myself. My life has been fairly simple of late. Mellow. I haven't felt the need to purge my soul because I haven't wanted to say anything that wasn't appropriate for a wider audience. I didn't feel the need for the intimacy that being here brings. Facebook posts were suiting me just fine. I write so much for work, I didn't really want to write long-form about other stuff. But a seemingly innocent post about my "nagging mother" backfired yesterday. Really the crux of the post was about how awesome MTV Classic is because it keeps me sane, on a day when I wasn't feeling very sane. Mum and Dad have been coming down most Wednesdays to renovate in our house while I work, then go off to trivia with us. Mum uses a great deal of energy bitching about things, whether it's how dirty my house is or how neglected my plants are. It's not easy to hear ... most times I let things go because I understand she's here helping the home and listening to the bitching is the trade off. Other days it gets to me and I speak up. We'd had an argument earlier when I told her to lay off. Then came the Facebook post, one which didn't go into the nitty gritty but one which referred to the nagging mum. It was also a post which inspired my middle sister to threaten me to take it down or she'd call them, which she did. My Dad started screaming at me, virtually frothing at the mouth, standing over me, demanding me to take it down or they'd leave. OK big guy. You back me into a corner, I'm just stubborn enough to call your bluff and to hell with the consequences. I ignore that little voice in my head saying "But Lauren! The water's off and he's just removed your only working bathroom sink!"
So they left, vowing to not return until I take down that post and apologise. You know what they say about cold days in hell. It's not like this post makes or breaks my Facebook page. But don't dare tell me what can be there or not. Don't dare tell me what I can and can't write on the Internet. I make my own choices, and people can choose to associate with me or not based on what I do.
I've always lived my life an open book, declaring that I have nothing to hide so I don't need private profiles. But today I took that step and deleted Hayley. I feel she seriously breached that unwritten sister code. She has no right to act holier than thou about this, pretending she's the golden child who'd never upset anyone and I'm the ungrateful demon spawn. Pot, kettle.
So now Steve and I are getting ready to face these renovations on our own. And you know what? I think that's OK. We know things like painting aren't beyond us. We probably shouldn't try tiling or installing shower screens as we haven't done that before, but we have money saved up that can pay tradesmen. Steve thinks he's capable of putting in the vanity Dad was going to install on Wednesday, and I'm backing him. Until then, we can clean our teeth in the kitchen. I think the effort it'll take is worth it not to hear Mum putting me down. I think it's worth it for my sanity.
This incident has really brought me crashing back down to earth after some great times. Rob Thomas toured, and I felt 16 again. I was lucky enough to see two shows: the Sydney Opera House Forecourt and the State Theatre. Two shows hasn't happened in a few tours, not since I got old and responsible. It was so great to see that first one without the sadness of knowing all that build up and joy is going to end so soon. It was amazing to see him playing acoustically at the State Theatre. I love that man. So unashamedly. I am very lucky to have a husband who knows a part of my heart will always belong to a rock star. And Prince came, and until I saw Rob I was convinced it was the best concert I'd ever seen. Objectively maybe it still is. Just wow. I am so lucky to have the means to do all that.
And in May we're off cruising again, to the Pacific Islands this time. New Caledonia and Vanuatu. It's the cruise all Aussies seem to take, but a fitting one for our 10th wedding anniversary. We did Fiji for our honeymoon, so this island cruise seems like something of a coming full circle. We also have the premium drinks package included. Hello free wines!
So there is good. There is so much good, and I just want to focus on that.
I'm also back here because I'm feeling like I need a familiar place to express myself. My life has been fairly simple of late. Mellow. I haven't felt the need to purge my soul because I haven't wanted to say anything that wasn't appropriate for a wider audience. I didn't feel the need for the intimacy that being here brings. Facebook posts were suiting me just fine. I write so much for work, I didn't really want to write long-form about other stuff. But a seemingly innocent post about my "nagging mother" backfired yesterday. Really the crux of the post was about how awesome MTV Classic is because it keeps me sane, on a day when I wasn't feeling very sane. Mum and Dad have been coming down most Wednesdays to renovate in our house while I work, then go off to trivia with us. Mum uses a great deal of energy bitching about things, whether it's how dirty my house is or how neglected my plants are. It's not easy to hear ... most times I let things go because I understand she's here helping the home and listening to the bitching is the trade off. Other days it gets to me and I speak up. We'd had an argument earlier when I told her to lay off. Then came the Facebook post, one which didn't go into the nitty gritty but one which referred to the nagging mum. It was also a post which inspired my middle sister to threaten me to take it down or she'd call them, which she did. My Dad started screaming at me, virtually frothing at the mouth, standing over me, demanding me to take it down or they'd leave. OK big guy. You back me into a corner, I'm just stubborn enough to call your bluff and to hell with the consequences. I ignore that little voice in my head saying "But Lauren! The water's off and he's just removed your only working bathroom sink!"
So they left, vowing to not return until I take down that post and apologise. You know what they say about cold days in hell. It's not like this post makes or breaks my Facebook page. But don't dare tell me what can be there or not. Don't dare tell me what I can and can't write on the Internet. I make my own choices, and people can choose to associate with me or not based on what I do.
I've always lived my life an open book, declaring that I have nothing to hide so I don't need private profiles. But today I took that step and deleted Hayley. I feel she seriously breached that unwritten sister code. She has no right to act holier than thou about this, pretending she's the golden child who'd never upset anyone and I'm the ungrateful demon spawn. Pot, kettle.
So now Steve and I are getting ready to face these renovations on our own. And you know what? I think that's OK. We know things like painting aren't beyond us. We probably shouldn't try tiling or installing shower screens as we haven't done that before, but we have money saved up that can pay tradesmen. Steve thinks he's capable of putting in the vanity Dad was going to install on Wednesday, and I'm backing him. Until then, we can clean our teeth in the kitchen. I think the effort it'll take is worth it not to hear Mum putting me down. I think it's worth it for my sanity.
This incident has really brought me crashing back down to earth after some great times. Rob Thomas toured, and I felt 16 again. I was lucky enough to see two shows: the Sydney Opera House Forecourt and the State Theatre. Two shows hasn't happened in a few tours, not since I got old and responsible. It was so great to see that first one without the sadness of knowing all that build up and joy is going to end so soon. It was amazing to see him playing acoustically at the State Theatre. I love that man. So unashamedly. I am very lucky to have a husband who knows a part of my heart will always belong to a rock star. And Prince came, and until I saw Rob I was convinced it was the best concert I'd ever seen. Objectively maybe it still is. Just wow. I am so lucky to have the means to do all that.
And in May we're off cruising again, to the Pacific Islands this time. New Caledonia and Vanuatu. It's the cruise all Aussies seem to take, but a fitting one for our 10th wedding anniversary. We did Fiji for our honeymoon, so this island cruise seems like something of a coming full circle. We also have the premium drinks package included. Hello free wines!
So there is good. There is so much good, and I just want to focus on that.