Day 3 of a new year. Korra is off playing with the older kids and their dog. She's such a beautiful energetic soul. She keeps me going. 20 days until baby boy Kieran joins our family. I'm terrified of the surgery, but so ready for him to be here and for my body to start being mine again. Waiting on my disability to go through for the hyperemesis. ( Read more... )

It's January 2 2017. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and going for a repeat c section in 3 weeks from today. This will be my very last baby. I'm ready to reclaim my body and be the very best version of me. This year I want to get back to doing massage and I would like to get into aerial acrobatics. This year is for me. I want to be happy and I'm going to ( Read more... )

The ache for the mountains and seasons is so strong today. On days like this it feels like there is a physical hole in my heart that can only be filled by going there. It sucks. I hate it.

Pregnancy brings out some super bizarre dreams for me. My favorite and most heartbreaking though are the dreams where Tye and I are together as teenagers. They are perfect and far from what the reality would have been, but I think if I had a chance, I'd really like to have been able to experience that. Found him sooner and loved him longer.

And also, some not so ridiculous ( Read more... )

My life is constant conflict. Two of my children now live 600 miles away. It feels like half of my heart is walking around two states away. I miss them so much...and the rest of my family.

I think writing here has really been helping me. No one ever reads my post, but I get to let it all out ( Read more... )

I am disgusted with myself. I always allow myself to give up on things I want. Right now, I'm talking about my health ( Read more... )

It seems so stupid to me that we make these beautiful, sweet creatures we call our children, and then we ship them off to daycare before they can even walk and let someone else raise them every work day. And, yet, here I am doing just that. I miss my beautiful girl. I want to spend every day with her. It hurts me to leave her and then spend 10 ( Read more... )

This is definitely not the life I imagined for myself. Stuck working in a call center again so we can afford to live. Not doing my dream job. Living with my ex in a house that's way too small ( Read more... )