Taking It Day By Day....

[purplerose824]

Its been six months now since mom's been gone. I have good days and bad days. And mostly bad nights. I feel like the more i go out and party the less i have to think about it. But im not drinking a lot like i was before. That part cut way down. I'm just goin out, planning things so that i'm not constantly sitting in my room crying about her. I've been looking for work so that my mind is occupied. So far nothing, so i just take a deep breath and go forward. I miss her so much. Sometimes i wish i was up there with her because i can't see who's taking care of her. i want to tell her we're ok and i hope she's ok. And not to be mad at us. That we did our best but i know we should've done better. I just need to give her reassurance and also receive assurance from her. i want to hear or see or touch her one more time. i know its not possible which makes me sad. So going out, doing things, keeps me from feeling sad. Hopefully time heals, but the holidays are around the corner. And everything reminds me of her.  I've finally come to the realization that she does not live in the nursing home anymore. That she has in fact passed. :(

I love u mom,
thinking of u always...
Rosa