if amazing means wanting to die
do you know what it feels like to be in love? so many people say that love is such an amazing thing. and i agree to some extent. the love between me and my family is amazing. the love between me and my friends is amazing. but the love between me and her kind of sucks. i remember meeting her. i thought she was the cutest girl i had ever seen. my immediate thought was "shes not gay". so i kept my crush a secret and became her friend. we ended up becoming really good friends. we hung out every day. i became a good friend of her whole family. then i find out that shes bisexual. i was estactic. i still didnt tell her i had a crush on her because i didnt want her to freak out and stop being my friend. and i didnt think i stood any chance. one day it slips. i told her i liked her. she told me that she loved another. i said its cool and that i hope i didnt freak her out cuz i loved her as a friend. everything was cool. i started hanging out with others people and we kind of lost touch. one person in particular told me some really bad stuff about her and i started to hate her. at least make myself think i did. months go by of me "hating her" when i stopped being friends with the new crowd and i was alone. i bump into her and we talk and i say im sorry. she forgives me, all is well. we are back to how we used to be. i get a new love interest. she tells me she has a crush on me. go figure! things go awry with my love interest and i ask her out. by this time she has a boyfriend. we fli flop like (im single shes taken, im taken shes single) for a while. then the worst thing happens. i date her brother. things between me and her went downhill fast. 3 months go by and me and her brother break up. a few more months go by with me and her not talking. when i run into her at her work. she says hi. we hang out on her break. she asks me out. i say yes. finally we are together. ive never been happier in my life. then she thinks i want her cousin. which i didnt. we fought, we talked, we got over it. things were great. i realized that i was in love with her. shes the only girl i could see myself spending the rest of my life with (im bi and i know i want to marry a man...unless it was her) then one night i talk to her i ask her to call me later, she thought i said id call her later. we never talked. when i did try to call, she wasnt there. so after about a week i assumed she dumped me. i was heartbroken. the love of my life gone. after a month or so of not being able to get a hold of her, i called and she was home. she asked me to come over, i did but she wasnt there. her cousin was. and out of anger, sadness, broken heart, and sheer stupidity i hooked up with him. (the worst part is, she is just finding out about this while reading this entry). i was "seeing" him for about 2 weeks. biggest mistake of my life. i regret it everyday of my life. now her and i are friends again. she tells me she loves me. but its hard to believe. she has a boyfriend. and even though i dont think its intentional, she throws him in my face. he brought up in every conversation. and today i met him. she intorduced us as "boyfriend (him) this is my lover on the side(me)". both of them started laughing as she said that. it hurt. she kissed him infront of me. it felt like she was jamming a stake through my heart. i wish she actually were. i spent the rest of my night at work in tears. i dont know why i cant get over her. now i work about 3 stores down from her (at the sme mall) so its worse. i see her all the time. her entire life is him and my entire life is her. its the hardest thing ive ever gone through........so please, esplain to me again why love is so amazing?