Loife...don't talk to me about loife...
So, here I am at work. I'm tired. Wadda soo-prize.
This afternoon, Mom and I are going to a wedding. My cousin Aliza, granddaughter of Uncle Bill. Cousins Dave and Nancy (Uncle Bill's son and daughter-in-law, Aliza's uncle) are coming from California for the wedding, and tomorrow they take Aunt Marge back with them. She'll be out there, with her son and grandchildren, for a good couple of weeks. Mom and I were really pleased to hear about that when we visited her last month. It's not too soon after Uncle Bill's death to have the excitement of travel, and she'll be spending time with people she loves and who love her very much, her family. She sounded really excited about it. :)
I just know I'm going to cry today. I know that, at some point during the wedding or reception, there's going to be a toast that mentions Uncle Bill, and just about everyone in the family will tear up. The last time I saw Uncle Bill--the last day he was really lucid, talking and saying goodbye to everyone--he told Aliza how sorry he was that he wouldn't be around for her wedding. She smiled and nodded, and broke down as soon as he looked away. That moment just sticks in my mind. I think it was the moment that it really, clearly clicked in my head. He won't be at my wedding, whenever that may be. He won't be able to see kids. He never met Ryan.
I really miss him.
Alright, no crying, I'm at work, I'll let it out later. Everyone cries at weddings, right? ;)
This week was actually a fairly sucky week. For one thing, it rained or was damp just about every day. Then I messed up something every day.
Tuesday, I did nothing-- I sat in my pajamas all day, watching TV and playing on the computer. That was actually a pretty good day, except for, you know, the complete lack of productivity.
Wednesday, Ryan and I had planned on shopping. We did get shopping done, but thanks to my procrastinating and otherwise flubbing up, the whole trip was exhausting and frustrating. The one upside was Frank Pepe's pizza--holy mother of God, that is awesome pizza. If you're ever in Manchester, by the Buckland Hills mall, go find Frank Pepe's across from it, next to the La-Z-Boy store. You will thank me. Your butt won't, but you will.
Thursday, I had to get up earlyish for work, which was 9:45 to 2:30 instead of the usual 12 to 4. I got crap sleep Wednesday night, and I was honestly just a cranky bitch for the first half of the day. Like, ready to punch someone in the face cranky. Fortunately, I ended up having some forced down time while I waited for Dad, so that calmed me down, and he and I had a nice evening together. Lounging at Starbucks, dinner at Chang's. When I got home, Ryan had a nest made for me on the couch. He's lovely :)
Yesterday started out alright--got crap sleep, but also played tennis, and it was GORGEOUS out. My energy died 15 minutes in, so I was dragging the other 45 minutes. Then I got this murderous headache after my shower, and ended up calling out of work. I hate calling out of work, especially when I have to do it anytime in the, oh, five hours before I'm supposed to go in. In this case, it was just over an hour before. >.< So I felt pretty crappy the rest of the afternoon. Head cleared up enough by 8ish, but then I didn't get to sleep until 11:30. Got crap sleep, although better than the two nights previous.
And here I am. When I got up, I was randomly drawn to the kitchen window. There was a pair of rabbits out on the front lawn. :D Then my first egg was just perfect (the second egg, as per my pattern, was disgusting). Although I've been alone for an hour now at work, I've managed to be productive with cleaning, and I'm currently working on the calendars, which makes me happy.
Then there's the wedding, which should be nice. Wonderful family, cake, and it's a freaking WEDDING. :D
I've had this awful habit pop up recently. More often than not when going to bed, I fall asleep, but dream that I can't. So, in the dream, I decide that flipping over or otherwise rearranging myself will help--which wakes me up, which is when I realize that I was asleep. Even the few minutes that I really am asleep are not the least bit restful. Other times, I wake up fully just as I'm about to drop into dreamland, thinking "I'm doing it wrong." "It" meaning sleep. I know, how does one sleep wrong, but that's the thought I wake up with. Then, the other bad habit of waking up every few hours is creeping back. I'll get 4 to 5 hours of solid sleep, then wake up a few times before my alarm goes off. Every 1 to 3 hours, just suddenly awake. It's maddening.
In other news, I am officially signed up for the D.C. classes. I told Joanne that I needed Wednesday through Saturday off, so I'll have plenty of time to drive down, do the classes, and visit family. :D According to Mom, Auntie M is very happy and excited about it. Hee!
Okay, back to the calendars. I might post tonight about the wedding--we'll see how awake I am!
This afternoon, Mom and I are going to a wedding. My cousin Aliza, granddaughter of Uncle Bill. Cousins Dave and Nancy (Uncle Bill's son and daughter-in-law, Aliza's uncle) are coming from California for the wedding, and tomorrow they take Aunt Marge back with them. She'll be out there, with her son and grandchildren, for a good couple of weeks. Mom and I were really pleased to hear about that when we visited her last month. It's not too soon after Uncle Bill's death to have the excitement of travel, and she'll be spending time with people she loves and who love her very much, her family. She sounded really excited about it. :)
I just know I'm going to cry today. I know that, at some point during the wedding or reception, there's going to be a toast that mentions Uncle Bill, and just about everyone in the family will tear up. The last time I saw Uncle Bill--the last day he was really lucid, talking and saying goodbye to everyone--he told Aliza how sorry he was that he wouldn't be around for her wedding. She smiled and nodded, and broke down as soon as he looked away. That moment just sticks in my mind. I think it was the moment that it really, clearly clicked in my head. He won't be at my wedding, whenever that may be. He won't be able to see kids. He never met Ryan.
I really miss him.
Alright, no crying, I'm at work, I'll let it out later. Everyone cries at weddings, right? ;)
This week was actually a fairly sucky week. For one thing, it rained or was damp just about every day. Then I messed up something every day.
Tuesday, I did nothing-- I sat in my pajamas all day, watching TV and playing on the computer. That was actually a pretty good day, except for, you know, the complete lack of productivity.
Wednesday, Ryan and I had planned on shopping. We did get shopping done, but thanks to my procrastinating and otherwise flubbing up, the whole trip was exhausting and frustrating. The one upside was Frank Pepe's pizza--holy mother of God, that is awesome pizza. If you're ever in Manchester, by the Buckland Hills mall, go find Frank Pepe's across from it, next to the La-Z-Boy store. You will thank me. Your butt won't, but you will.
Thursday, I had to get up earlyish for work, which was 9:45 to 2:30 instead of the usual 12 to 4. I got crap sleep Wednesday night, and I was honestly just a cranky bitch for the first half of the day. Like, ready to punch someone in the face cranky. Fortunately, I ended up having some forced down time while I waited for Dad, so that calmed me down, and he and I had a nice evening together. Lounging at Starbucks, dinner at Chang's. When I got home, Ryan had a nest made for me on the couch. He's lovely :)
Yesterday started out alright--got crap sleep, but also played tennis, and it was GORGEOUS out. My energy died 15 minutes in, so I was dragging the other 45 minutes. Then I got this murderous headache after my shower, and ended up calling out of work. I hate calling out of work, especially when I have to do it anytime in the, oh, five hours before I'm supposed to go in. In this case, it was just over an hour before. >.< So I felt pretty crappy the rest of the afternoon. Head cleared up enough by 8ish, but then I didn't get to sleep until 11:30. Got crap sleep, although better than the two nights previous.
And here I am. When I got up, I was randomly drawn to the kitchen window. There was a pair of rabbits out on the front lawn. :D Then my first egg was just perfect (the second egg, as per my pattern, was disgusting). Although I've been alone for an hour now at work, I've managed to be productive with cleaning, and I'm currently working on the calendars, which makes me happy.
Then there's the wedding, which should be nice. Wonderful family, cake, and it's a freaking WEDDING. :D
I've had this awful habit pop up recently. More often than not when going to bed, I fall asleep, but dream that I can't. So, in the dream, I decide that flipping over or otherwise rearranging myself will help--which wakes me up, which is when I realize that I was asleep. Even the few minutes that I really am asleep are not the least bit restful. Other times, I wake up fully just as I'm about to drop into dreamland, thinking "I'm doing it wrong." "It" meaning sleep. I know, how does one sleep wrong, but that's the thought I wake up with. Then, the other bad habit of waking up every few hours is creeping back. I'll get 4 to 5 hours of solid sleep, then wake up a few times before my alarm goes off. Every 1 to 3 hours, just suddenly awake. It's maddening.
In other news, I am officially signed up for the D.C. classes. I told Joanne that I needed Wednesday through Saturday off, so I'll have plenty of time to drive down, do the classes, and visit family. :D According to Mom, Auntie M is very happy and excited about it. Hee!
Okay, back to the calendars. I might post tonight about the wedding--we'll see how awake I am!