Ramblings
I'm chewing over a theory that the easiest thing in the world is to allow myself to slide into depression. Not just me, but that the natural state for humans is to ponder the things that are negative - and that's how we ever managed to progress out of caves and huts. As a species, it's a huge boon. To the individual, not so much. It's especially devastating when one has a mind that's too quick, without being married to a strong urge toward action.
Some end up with 'healthy' and socially acceptable outlets for this unease. Maybe it's giving to charity or volunteering that helps them soothe the cognitive dissonance. Narrow focus on a hobby, total absorbtion in a career.
In high school, Anna Boroughs (wise and venerable Senior) told me that the real trick is to sort through the things you don't like in your life, and change the things you can do anything about. Just change them. Don't worry too much about whether you're improving them, because if you already don't like it, it's not like you'll lose something good. And the act of change itself is going to flex mental muscles that need the exercise. Ok, I've extrapolated a bit since 10th grade, but she started the ball rolling.
The slowest kind of death for me would be always settling for something that's "good enough" because I'm too afraid I'll never achieve mediocrity again.
As soon as I stopped living under someone else's roof, I started to feel that there was no more room to complain about my life. It was entirely mine, and it's just too self-indulgent to expect anybody else to fix the mess I've made of things. I've done some impulsive things. Changed majors based on some rumbling from my inner voice. Moved across the state on a whim. Left jobs I should've been happy to have, but clearly wasn't. Some of them may have been bad decisions in the long run, externally - but they each proved to me that I can do whatever I want with my life. That feeling of control and self-determination help me to feel less powerless, to despair a bit less about the way the world tends to fling us about at random.
It doesn't feel 'brave' at all - more that I have less fear of the unknown than for settling.
Some end up with 'healthy' and socially acceptable outlets for this unease. Maybe it's giving to charity or volunteering that helps them soothe the cognitive dissonance. Narrow focus on a hobby, total absorbtion in a career.
In high school, Anna Boroughs (wise and venerable Senior) told me that the real trick is to sort through the things you don't like in your life, and change the things you can do anything about. Just change them. Don't worry too much about whether you're improving them, because if you already don't like it, it's not like you'll lose something good. And the act of change itself is going to flex mental muscles that need the exercise. Ok, I've extrapolated a bit since 10th grade, but she started the ball rolling.
The slowest kind of death for me would be always settling for something that's "good enough" because I'm too afraid I'll never achieve mediocrity again.
As soon as I stopped living under someone else's roof, I started to feel that there was no more room to complain about my life. It was entirely mine, and it's just too self-indulgent to expect anybody else to fix the mess I've made of things. I've done some impulsive things. Changed majors based on some rumbling from my inner voice. Moved across the state on a whim. Left jobs I should've been happy to have, but clearly wasn't. Some of them may have been bad decisions in the long run, externally - but they each proved to me that I can do whatever I want with my life. That feeling of control and self-determination help me to feel less powerless, to despair a bit less about the way the world tends to fling us about at random.
It doesn't feel 'brave' at all - more that I have less fear of the unknown than for settling.