nothing new
i'm losing interest in almost everything i normally do. i think this is more depression or something, but.. i recently changed my sleep schedule. normally, i sleep most of the day and stay up most of the night. that's the way i've done things for a long time, and i was happy with that but, i guess i can't do it my way anymore. it's always somebody else's way... i have to change my whole fucking world, and part of it's fine... but i want to be happy, the same as everyone else. i don't know what i'm trying to say...
i'm not creative anymore, i haven't been for a long time. i can't write music anymore, i can't drink anymore, i can't do drugs anymore and i can't stay up all night anymore. life is shit and it's really starting to get to me, but i guess it always is....
all i want to do is take a few pills and slam a few beers. but.. i can't so.. fuck it. whine whine bitch moan.,... i fucking hate myself and hate the world around me. i can't do a god damned thing right. and when i think i'm doing the right thing, it's never good enough. for anyone, including myself. i'm getting sick of the mud too, i've worked my ass of on my character and i'm getting nowhere with it. i have the best gear i can possibly find, all the right shit... my pk is fine but, could use improvement.. i don't get it. i was looking forward to getting the dagger skill, but i don't even know if i'm going to get it anymore.. and on top of it all, i've got the rest of the fucking playerbase to deal with... a few friends and two types of people... people i can't fucking stand who like to fuck with me in order to get a rise out of me, or people i can't fucking stand who want to be my friends/act like they're my friends and are total fucking morons who act like i'm alot better than i really am. just because i've been around forever and have a fuckign race restring doesn't mean i'm anything special.. after all, i'm a fucking 'cubi. maybe all of our hard work is admirable or something... considering, in order to be a good evil align character.. you have to work your fucking ass off in pk. which is bullshit in it's own right. i don't mind going a few extra steps in pk, but when other players can sit back and stomp my ass, something is wrong. but, who gives a fuck... i certainly don't.
this whole fucking world is bullshit to begin with, i don't fit in here. and not in a neat art fag kinda way, because i don't fit in with those fuck ups either.
god damn god
i'm not creative anymore, i haven't been for a long time. i can't write music anymore, i can't drink anymore, i can't do drugs anymore and i can't stay up all night anymore. life is shit and it's really starting to get to me, but i guess it always is....
all i want to do is take a few pills and slam a few beers. but.. i can't so.. fuck it. whine whine bitch moan.,... i fucking hate myself and hate the world around me. i can't do a god damned thing right. and when i think i'm doing the right thing, it's never good enough. for anyone, including myself. i'm getting sick of the mud too, i've worked my ass of on my character and i'm getting nowhere with it. i have the best gear i can possibly find, all the right shit... my pk is fine but, could use improvement.. i don't get it. i was looking forward to getting the dagger skill, but i don't even know if i'm going to get it anymore.. and on top of it all, i've got the rest of the fucking playerbase to deal with... a few friends and two types of people... people i can't fucking stand who like to fuck with me in order to get a rise out of me, or people i can't fucking stand who want to be my friends/act like they're my friends and are total fucking morons who act like i'm alot better than i really am. just because i've been around forever and have a fuckign race restring doesn't mean i'm anything special.. after all, i'm a fucking 'cubi. maybe all of our hard work is admirable or something... considering, in order to be a good evil align character.. you have to work your fucking ass off in pk. which is bullshit in it's own right. i don't mind going a few extra steps in pk, but when other players can sit back and stomp my ass, something is wrong. but, who gives a fuck... i certainly don't.
this whole fucking world is bullshit to begin with, i don't fit in here. and not in a neat art fag kinda way, because i don't fit in with those fuck ups either.
god damn god