(no subject)
Christine changed the locks on me! Can you believe it?!?!?! Well I guess I do believe it. I should have realized it from the beginning. She was just using me. Did she do everything she did for me just to make me trust her? Did she help me through my problems just to benefit herself? It fucking pisses me off.
I've been watching that new show with Jason Lee, My Name is Earl. In case you haven' seen it, its about this guy, Earl (Jason Lee), who was a bad person and he won the lottery and was immediately hit by a car and lost the ticket. So he was watching TV in the hospital and Carson Daly was talking about Karma. If you do bad things, then bad things will happen to you. But if you are a good person and do good things, then good things will happen to you. So he wrote a list of everything he has done bad and plans on making up for them all. And things are starting to go better for him (i.e. He found the lost lottery ticket). I am telling you this because I think I am a good person. I try my best to help out my friends and family. I practice all the good morals my parents taught me growing up. I am environmentally friendly. I don't steal. I try not to hurt anyone. All in all I have a great life. I have an absolutely wonderful family (fucked up, but wonderful). I have my best friend, my twin, my brother, Kevin, who is always there for me. I have one friend, that even though I don't talk to him as much as I used to, I know he would always he there for me if I needed him. And I have an amazing boyfriend who is so patient, kind and loving and has been so great through all of this. But so many bad things have happened to me over the years. Cheating fiance, bad business partner, bad jobs and shady friends. Is it because I am too trusting that people have an easy time taking advantage of me? Or was there something that I did, earlier in life, that made these things happen (karma)? I can't think of anything.
This is my problem. I analyze everything. I think about why this happened and "what if" and whats going to happen next. Instead of just taking the next steps and moving on with my life. Dave says I need to get angry and let it all out. But it's so hard. I want to get angry. But I feel sad. I want to move on with my life, enjoy being with my family and friends. But I just think about everything and get aggravated and feel lonely, even though I have people I care about, right there beside me. Then I start to be bitchy to people i love. I don't mean to do it. I feel so awful that I do. But I can't help it. My mind starts to drift and then someone does something that should be funny and I get pissed...and that gets the ball rolling to a wonderful day of me being aggravated at the world. I need to do something to release the anger, tension, and everything else thats going on in this fucked up head of mine. If anyone has any (legal) suggestions, let me know. For now, I suppose I should try to sleep.
I've been watching that new show with Jason Lee, My Name is Earl. In case you haven' seen it, its about this guy, Earl (Jason Lee), who was a bad person and he won the lottery and was immediately hit by a car and lost the ticket. So he was watching TV in the hospital and Carson Daly was talking about Karma. If you do bad things, then bad things will happen to you. But if you are a good person and do good things, then good things will happen to you. So he wrote a list of everything he has done bad and plans on making up for them all. And things are starting to go better for him (i.e. He found the lost lottery ticket). I am telling you this because I think I am a good person. I try my best to help out my friends and family. I practice all the good morals my parents taught me growing up. I am environmentally friendly. I don't steal. I try not to hurt anyone. All in all I have a great life. I have an absolutely wonderful family (fucked up, but wonderful). I have my best friend, my twin, my brother, Kevin, who is always there for me. I have one friend, that even though I don't talk to him as much as I used to, I know he would always he there for me if I needed him. And I have an amazing boyfriend who is so patient, kind and loving and has been so great through all of this. But so many bad things have happened to me over the years. Cheating fiance, bad business partner, bad jobs and shady friends. Is it because I am too trusting that people have an easy time taking advantage of me? Or was there something that I did, earlier in life, that made these things happen (karma)? I can't think of anything.
This is my problem. I analyze everything. I think about why this happened and "what if" and whats going to happen next. Instead of just taking the next steps and moving on with my life. Dave says I need to get angry and let it all out. But it's so hard. I want to get angry. But I feel sad. I want to move on with my life, enjoy being with my family and friends. But I just think about everything and get aggravated and feel lonely, even though I have people I care about, right there beside me. Then I start to be bitchy to people i love. I don't mean to do it. I feel so awful that I do. But I can't help it. My mind starts to drift and then someone does something that should be funny and I get pissed...and that gets the ball rolling to a wonderful day of me being aggravated at the world. I need to do something to release the anger, tension, and everything else thats going on in this fucked up head of mine. If anyone has any (legal) suggestions, let me know. For now, I suppose I should try to sleep.