never in a million years did i...

[purple49erfan]

think that i would have to go through four deaths in one year once again. the first time was back in 2001. my aunt two uncles, and my brother. this year once again. back in may was my pastor, my cousin (they were in the same week---i attended two funerals in two days) my aunt in october and now my great grandma. she died on thursday. and now tomorrow i will be attending her funeral. i did not think that her death would affect me in such a way but it has. but then i think about it. i have had so many in my life die in years. the first that i experienced was my grandpa and my cousin. after that it sort of escalated. i have had lots of friends die also. it is weird. i do not react like most people do. i do not cry. i do not feel as sad as i should. it is like death is a part of my life. like ... i cant explain it.

that is all i have to say right now but i want to say more. i need to get stuff out. but my guy is here at my moms. my last night w/ him until i come back to socorro. so i must go. must update tomorrow. i just had to get that part of my chest.