familiar black button snap coat and plaid flannel pants
dreamed of daddy last night .. it was frightening and soothing at the same time. I was entering a vast, what seemed to stretch out for miles on end, hospital, or what used to be- it looked like it was in ruins, no walls standing, craters and cracks varying in size in the floor with questionable substances on it. the atmosphere was a bright white light and not quite blinding, but it emitted a slight foggy gleam on the horizon. I was trying to muster up my courage to go further after observing the ground and tightening my grip on something I held in my hand. a young african american woman came up beside me, crying, and spurted words to me, groping for some form of comfort: "you see? I couldn't go much further than this! I just can't!" she pointed downward, held her face and trembled, I looked at the floor again, and she either wandered away or fell back. I went on searching for someone I knew I had to find. I looked over about 120 degrees (using the unit circle, oh dear) and saw a man running from the direction I was headed, crying even louder and in more hysterics than the woman; there was something repulsive on his face, identical to what was found on the floors. I watched as he tripped and fell into a small ravine in the rocky floor, trying and failing to recollect himself and bawling with his eyes closed tight. I had turned around and circled at one point, gathering myself to go further, but I eventually met him, maybe halfway. I don't remember if he stood or if he sat, but it was my dad for sure, in his familiar black button snap coat and plaid flannel pants he always wore when he sat around the house. excitement ran through me, I knew I had limited time, and there were several key things I wanted him to know. among those I can only remember telling him that I love him, and that I was employee of the month. he responded to everything I said to him with short phrases, "I love you too," and, "oh, that's great!" there were at least a couple more things I told him, and he smiled at me and was proud of me. then I was drawn away as I knew I would have to be .. and there was a loading bus, a huge bus, and someone was either gently pushing or pulling me along. I had returned to what seemed a normal earth, level gravel beneath my feet and a very faint blue sky. there were people there that I knew, I felt, and among those nearest to me were joey and sammy. we got on the bulky bus with confusion, and something terrible settled into me, like bad news somewhere and I didnt know what or where it was.