My mom and I ordered these lunch bags today. Maybe you want one too?

This is the turkey I adopted for Thanksgiving:


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I swear that every charitable organization on Earth has sent me mailing labels in the past month or so. I mean, what the hell? I don't know who gave out my contact information, but if I see one more envelope emblazoned with "Your free personalized labels are enclosed", I'm going to punch a bitch.

Subway is donating 5% of the day's sales to hurricane relief efforts today. So if you eat food, you should eat at Subway today.