Now is the time...
From 22 October 2008
See Andi, I wasn't kidding!
From 28 September 2008
You'd think we were trying for this or something...
I debated long and hard about when I wanted to 'come out' to my friends (real life and online) on livejournal. Jake and I both decided very early on that we wanted to wait until we were sure this pregnancy would stick-- it would have been so much harder to tell everyone and then have to call them again if something happened.
I took the test (the only one I would take) the day after Jennie Lee went back to Bowling Green after her visit. Even though it was still a few days before my expected period, I had the nagging suspicion that it would come up positive.
We both decided that we weren't going to tell anyone, not even our families until after the first trimester was done. That would be in another 2-3 weeks. Yeah, we couldn't hold it in any longer. On Oct 22, I had Chinese food for lunch and my fortune from the cookie is the one posted above. 'Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news.' It was like 'Dear Lauren, this is God. Call your parents already!' Jake, of course, had been splitting at the seams ever since we had the positive test and was absolutely dying to tell someone, ANYONE.
We called my sister first. She had been a little put out with us after our engagement that she was the last person to know and made me promise this summer, once she found out we were 'not preventing', that we would call her first. So we did. She screamed on the phone "OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!' Typical Karen.
My parents were next and they are thrilled. This will be their first grandchild. In her typical, understated way my mother said 'Yeah, we figured that we'd be hearing this news sooner or later'. We hadn't kept our plans a secret from anyone, so I'm sure they were just biding their time knowing that we'd call with good news.
We called Jake's parents while they were driving home from the airport. In hindsight, this probably wasn't the best call as Kit was driving and she screamed and probably swerved all over the highway. They are so happy as well, this is their baby having his first baby, so it's a special event no matter how you look at it.
We called my Nana and my grandparents (an early birthday present for Grandpa), Jake's grandmother out west (this will be her 13th or 14th great-grandchild, so it's old hat to her), my brother ('Oh wow! I'm going to be... an uncle!') and Jake's brothers. His oldest brother, Sam and wife Kathleen are expecting their second child in December so our baby will have a cousin very close in age.
I have previously told one of my best girlfriends, Amanda, when she was out in Michigan visiting her niece and nephew. So the next obvious person to call would be another of my best girlfriends, Andi. She was at work, so I left a message but she called me back on her break. Another good friend, Donna, was there also and sent her best wishes.
Early in October, we had our first appointment with a midwives' group. It was just a basic medical history appointment and going over the type of practice they run. I've known I wanted a natural, intervention-free birth for a long, long time. I was initially leaning toward a homebirth (a desire strengthened by the positive experiences I've read about by friends here on lj) but Jake is a little hesitant. We compromised that this birth would be with midwives in hospital but that, if all went well that the next could be at home.
I'm expecting some battles with Jake's mom over our choice of prenatal care, as she worked as a L&D nurse for many years. I'm not looking forward to it, but am confident in our stance and am prepared to tell her that topics are off limits for discussion. We haven't told her flat out that we're seeing midwives, we've just said 'the baby doctor'.
This week we had a second appointment with the midwives. They went over the results of the blood tests I had taken in late October. For example, I now know that I have type A positive blood (something I never knew as I had never required a blood transfusion). I also found out that I am not immune to Rubella (German measles), which is slightly worrying if I were to catch it in the first trimester. Since there are very few cases of measles in the U.S. and I'm almost through the first trimester, there's not much risk yet but something that I'll probably want to take steps to prevent next time around. It doesn't really make sense to me as I was probably immunized back in the day with MMR, but...
The midwife gave me a full annual exam (NOT fun) and Jake enjoyed it just about as much as I did. At the end of the appointment came the best part-- the midwife pulled out the Doppler and found the heartbeat. She warned us ahead of time that there might be trouble because I'm still early on and brought in the vaginal ultrasound machine just in case (something I didn't want). Still, she found it with the external machine and it was incredible. Watching the change come over Jake's face and seeing him filled with awe and joy was quite possibly one of the best experiences of my married life.
Since we had a positive experience this week, it was time to tell the mentors. Also, I had decided that I didn't want to tell them until I had finished with all of my required events for the term. JRT is out of town, so this afternoon I told HIM and he was very nice and congratulatory and everything I had hoped for from a mentor. I also told Kate, the lab manager, who was ecstatic. I'm still keeping it under wraps for the rest of the lab, due to any number of reasons which will probably be hashed out in further posts.
I plan on telling JRT on Monday when he comes back from his conference and I'm hoping for as good of an experience. I'm not betting on it but...
Last night we also told Erica, another graduate student in the lab. It was awkward as I didn't really know what to say and we had a stare down challenge for a while. I'm not exactly sure how she feels, as she has said numerous times that she doesn't want children, but she was very gracious and kind.
Getting onto the nitty gritty: So far, I haven't really been SICK. I haven't thrown up at all, although I did dry heave several days. For the most part, I've suffered from fatigue and nausea. My motion sickness was horrible for a few weeks, making carpooling an especially fun challenge. I also hated the thought of food for a couple weeks and only toast or oatmeal sounded appetizing at all. Fortunately, that seemed to clear up about a week or so ago, much to Jake's delight. My nausea made my mood increasingly dark and poor Jake had to suffer through my moods and crabbiness. He's also looking forward to me helping out in the kitchen now that food is not off-limits.
I don't want to give an actual date for baby to show up, since the date I calculated based on my chart and that given to me by the midwives are different. Also, I don't think babies have an expiration date where they have to be out at exactly 40 weeks. So I'll just say anytime between late May and early June would be a good time for there to be a baby. Really, all we're hoping for is a healthy child.
We have decided that we're not finding out the gender, as it doesn't matter either way. Jake says he would prefer a boy, but I think that's because he grew up with only brothers. We have agreed on a boy's name (and those of you who knew me in middle/high school will also know that name), but we're not sharing it. A girl's name will follow later, probably in several incarnations and then, once the baby is born we'll throw all of our carefully conceived plans out the window and name them something else!
We've waived all the screening tests that were offered by the baby doctor. We went through each one and neither of us have any of the risk factors. Plus, the high incidence of false positives in these tests would lead to more invasive testing that I'm completely against. My mom, I think, put it best: 'You could find out through these screens that your child will have a disability or abnormality and then where will that leave you? You'll just stress yourself out for 7 months and not be able to do anything'. If the baby has a disability or something wrong, that's something we'll deal with as best we can once they're here.
We're having one ultrasound between 20 and 22 weeks.
I can't think of anything else that has happened that needs to be shared. I find that it's nerve-wracking each time I gear up to tell someone (or to tell the entire internet), I think it's that I'm giving up control and things are completely out of my hands. Something I'll have to deal with over the coming months, huh?
*deep exhale* Sorry for the novel. I wanted to get down all the details before they became too fuzzy to remember anymore.