Don't mind the whinging
Have you ever felt that life was just going too quickly, passing you by before you even had time to think?
Have you ever thought that the days seem to be SO LONG and time never moves forward but all of a sudden the whole week/month/year has passed and you can't remember what exactly it was you were doing?
Have you ever felt like you're not living up to your potential, the expectations people have of you, the expectations you have for yourself?
Have you ever just wanted to have fun, to let loose, to live freely and in the moment, but then think to yourself, "No, I really should be doing XYZ"
Have you ever wanted your life to really start, only to realize that you've already left a quarter (or a third) of it behind?
I'm feeling a little depressed with how quickly things are going (ie the school year, classes, exam is MONDAY) yet how slowly the days are passing (I wanted to be in the Traynor lab now, testing my peptides, but I haven't even finished cyclizing 12 of them).
I'm having a hard time lately with what's been going on in my life. I have so much to be thankful for and feel blessed for, but I can only seem to focus on the negativity.
In Dad news,
He's been transferred to Samaritan in Watertown and has all sorts of different therapies every day (physical, occupational, recreational, etc etc) all to teach him how to walk again, how to stand up and get out of a chair/bed, how to use the commode, etc etc. He went to Syracuse yesterday with Mom for a follow-up visit to his surgeons. Jake did most of the talking last night, but from what I gathered, he's gotten the cast off his left arm and the larger external hardware out of his right arm (they had stuff screwed INTO HIS BONE, ewww) They put a new cast on the left arm to keep it stable for a few more weeks. His left leg is healing so well that the surgeon cut 3 weeks off recovery time, so he's estimating another 5 weeks with a cast on the left leg. His bone/muscle/skin graft is healing well and that's the leg he's been using to walk, so he's building strength there as well.
He's pretty much off the narcotics, except for oxycontin (sustained release, especially for overnight) and tylenol-3 (tylenol plus oxycodone) every 4 hours or so, for after-rehab pain. He's on a bunch of fiber and supplements to help him regulate his GI tract because that was all screwed up with lying in bed and on narcotics for so long.
Someone told him tentatively that he might be out of the hospital as early as the end of this week. He's got to be able to walk 80 feet unassisted, get up and out of bed and back into bed, use the commode by himself (there's no way he can get into the tiny bath my parents have on the first floor), and other things he'll have to do for himself because no one will be home with him. They're building a ramp in the garage at my parents house for him to use (it's 30 feet long!) until he's out of the wheelchair. Dad said he's expecting to be up on crutches as soon as they let him put weight on the left leg. My parents are going to get a hospital bed to put downstairs, similar to when Bompa was dying, because there is no way he'll be able to make it to the 2nd floor until he's on crutches and stronger.
By the time I go home next weekend, I may not need to visit a hospital! It's incredible what Dad's done in such a short time since starting rehab. I really think that once he could get going, he became so determined to GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE and I'm pretty sure he's ready to be done with hospitals and to move on with his life.
On tap for the next weeks:
Saturday: Jake and I are doing a 5K run in memory of a teacher at his new school who died last year (945 am)
Sunday: Traveling to Cleveland with Jennie Lee to see Lifehouse (8 pm)
Monday: Traveling back to Brighton and taking my Neuropharm final (1 pm)
Tuesday: Start new Pharm course Cancer/Antimicrobial (10 am), Medicinal Chemistry Open House (6-830 pm)
Wednesday: Substance Abuse Symposium (2-530 pm)
Thursday: Class and Med Chem seminar (4 pm)
Friday: Pharmacology Seminar (12 pm), leave for NY (1 pm)
Saturday: Mom's cousin's wedding in Saranac, spend time with Dad
Sunday/Monday: Spend time at home, meet up with my favorite girls!! :-)
Monday/Tuesday: Drive back to MI
Wednesday: Lab meeting and getting back to work!
Have you ever thought that the days seem to be SO LONG and time never moves forward but all of a sudden the whole week/month/year has passed and you can't remember what exactly it was you were doing?
Have you ever felt like you're not living up to your potential, the expectations people have of you, the expectations you have for yourself?
Have you ever just wanted to have fun, to let loose, to live freely and in the moment, but then think to yourself, "No, I really should be doing XYZ"
Have you ever wanted your life to really start, only to realize that you've already left a quarter (or a third) of it behind?
I'm feeling a little depressed with how quickly things are going (ie the school year, classes, exam is MONDAY) yet how slowly the days are passing (I wanted to be in the Traynor lab now, testing my peptides, but I haven't even finished cyclizing 12 of them).
I'm having a hard time lately with what's been going on in my life. I have so much to be thankful for and feel blessed for, but I can only seem to focus on the negativity.
- Things like we just bought a house (which is wonderful) but now we're super tight with money, even though Jake has a full time job and I'm dreading the heating bill this winter.
- Things like I am a full-time graduate student now, working on my own project synthesizing peptides and I love doing this kind of work, I'm a methodical type of girl. At the same time, this type of research is not where my heart lies. How am I going to transition from opiate and drug addiction research to cancer research? Am I shooting myself in the foot here? I'm also absolutely petrified of giving my first seminar in March and having prelims in June. It's half a year away and I'm still nervous already. I don't know if I'm cut out for this kind of thing.
- I'm not sure if it wouldn't be better to be a peon in a pharmaceutical industry, put in my 40-hour work week and make boatloads of money while not having to think, design experiments, blah blah blah. Then I think about that and I know that I would go insane doing the same thing day-in, day-out for the rest of my career.
- I'm not doing so well in the loving-my-body category either, lately. I don't know if I've gained/lost/changed weight at all, we don't own a scale, but I do know that I'm starting to get pudgy around the middle. And my exercise habits have gone down the toilet since school and commuting started and I think Olive is really starting to suffer from it. And I know that I should just get my act in gear and get up an extra 30 minutes in the morning to do yoga/pilates to get my strength and flexibility back, but it's an extra 30 minutes, you know? And I don't have the willpower yet to roll out of bed and better myself. I am starting to cut back on the junk (like not having any of it in the house) and also cutting back on the 2nd portions, etc that I don't need now that I'm not working out.
In Dad news,
He's been transferred to Samaritan in Watertown and has all sorts of different therapies every day (physical, occupational, recreational, etc etc) all to teach him how to walk again, how to stand up and get out of a chair/bed, how to use the commode, etc etc. He went to Syracuse yesterday with Mom for a follow-up visit to his surgeons. Jake did most of the talking last night, but from what I gathered, he's gotten the cast off his left arm and the larger external hardware out of his right arm (they had stuff screwed INTO HIS BONE, ewww) They put a new cast on the left arm to keep it stable for a few more weeks. His left leg is healing so well that the surgeon cut 3 weeks off recovery time, so he's estimating another 5 weeks with a cast on the left leg. His bone/muscle/skin graft is healing well and that's the leg he's been using to walk, so he's building strength there as well.
He's pretty much off the narcotics, except for oxycontin (sustained release, especially for overnight) and tylenol-3 (tylenol plus oxycodone) every 4 hours or so, for after-rehab pain. He's on a bunch of fiber and supplements to help him regulate his GI tract because that was all screwed up with lying in bed and on narcotics for so long.
Someone told him tentatively that he might be out of the hospital as early as the end of this week. He's got to be able to walk 80 feet unassisted, get up and out of bed and back into bed, use the commode by himself (there's no way he can get into the tiny bath my parents have on the first floor), and other things he'll have to do for himself because no one will be home with him. They're building a ramp in the garage at my parents house for him to use (it's 30 feet long!) until he's out of the wheelchair. Dad said he's expecting to be up on crutches as soon as they let him put weight on the left leg. My parents are going to get a hospital bed to put downstairs, similar to when Bompa was dying, because there is no way he'll be able to make it to the 2nd floor until he's on crutches and stronger.
By the time I go home next weekend, I may not need to visit a hospital! It's incredible what Dad's done in such a short time since starting rehab. I really think that once he could get going, he became so determined to GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE and I'm pretty sure he's ready to be done with hospitals and to move on with his life.
On tap for the next weeks:
Saturday: Jake and I are doing a 5K run in memory of a teacher at his new school who died last year (945 am)
Sunday: Traveling to Cleveland with Jennie Lee to see Lifehouse (8 pm)
Monday: Traveling back to Brighton and taking my Neuropharm final (1 pm)
Tuesday: Start new Pharm course Cancer/Antimicrobial (10 am), Medicinal Chemistry Open House (6-830 pm)
Wednesday: Substance Abuse Symposium (2-530 pm)
Thursday: Class and Med Chem seminar (4 pm)
Friday: Pharmacology Seminar (12 pm), leave for NY (1 pm)
Saturday: Mom's cousin's wedding in Saranac, spend time with Dad
Sunday/Monday: Spend time at home, meet up with my favorite girls!! :-)
Monday/Tuesday: Drive back to MI
Wednesday: Lab meeting and getting back to work!