All I want is you 14 4/4
SAYING GOODBYE IS THE HARDEST PART 4/4
Later That Night.
Tensions were running high and currently it has approached boiling point. Miranda was witnessing Harrison's attitude on a high new level and it was very unbecoming. How on earth is he a Sachs? Was the question on her mind.
"He should have gone to military school like dad wanted and it would have toughened him up and given him opportunities for a practical career instead of hanging around here like a bad smell." Harrison continued his rant.
"I hang around here like a bad smell. What's the difference?" Pippa chimed in from where she drunkenly sat.
"You're going to University next year. That’s practical. Big difference. Maybe had Dylan had more of a future planned-"
"What? He wouldn't have killed himself? That had nothing to do with work. He had a job. He had his own business and he was brilliant at it. It might not be the job you wanted him to have but who cares! Jobs a job!" Pippa responded.
"He was going nowhere!"
"The stats he was telling Miranda and I about were impressive. He was going places and do you forget about the mention he got on American Restoration?! That helped him get even more sales!" Andrea spoke.
"That's a stupid TV show! That mention wasn't going to help him get far."
Andrea threw her hands up in the air as her Dad tried to interfere, but the brunette cut him off. “You know what I think?” Andrea spoke up abruptly, staggering as she got up off the bar stool.
Miranda was thankfully beside her lover and instantly put her arms quickly around her lover’s waist to help to stay standing.
“You keep asking how did this happen to us?! You keep playing the sympathy card, Harrison, because you know what?! I reckon you played a huge, a huge fucking part of all this!” Andrea was very wobbly on her feet as she yelled at her brother.
“Now Andy none of this is helping…” Richard tried to say but her lover shot him a dirty look, pointing at him with rage in her eyes.
“Oh, no. Don't you start too! You were exactly the same! Sure, you'd help him out with the motorbikes and give him money when he desperately needed it, but I heard you talking to him late at night giving him complete shit about how he was acting and all the nights I heard you talking to Mom telling her how disappointment you are with how you always thought he was wasting his life away with a business that was doomed to fuck up at some point!”
Richard stared at Andrea in utter shock.
“Good! Finally, you're feeling like complete shit too! So many nights at the dinner table you'd talk down to him, and even me because we wanted to go down different career paths than what you did. You never could simply let us be happy with our life choices.”
Richard opened and closed his mouth, not able to come up with something to say, and this only made Andrea angrier.
"You're pathetic! Did you know that Dylan called me at 1 or 2 in the morning countless times crying his eyes out because he felt like a complete and utter failure because his favourite older brother and his own fucking father treated him like he was always going to fail! You never once stopped to think how you spoke to us, to him, how it would make Dylan feel. You shattered him on so many occasions because you didn't have faith in him! Mom was always too afraid to speak up to you!”
"I did have faith in him!" Richard yelled. "I wouldn't have let him start up that business and embarrass himself if he wasn't going to be able to go anywhere with it... he started earning money, and he made the family proud."
"It's always about the family and our appearance! It's never just about us and what we want and if we are happy. All that has ever mattered to you is how people view the family! God forbid we embarrass you because we failed at something. I got made redundant at the Mirror but you make it so hard to talk to you about that sort of stuff when I know you already disapprove my choice of being a journalist that I felt like I couldn't tell you I was sacked. You would have said it's because of the work, and that the work isn't good enough for me, I would hear the continuous line "Do you really want to be a struggling journalist until you retire? That's even if you get the money to retire!" remember those words you said to me?!" Andrea angrily asked, she was shaking she was that furious.
Miranda tightened her hold on Andrea. She wanted to open her mouth, to tell her darling lover that maybe she should get some air, but she remained quiet. She didn't want to upset and anger Andrea any further.
"You know what... I'm wasting my breath on the both of you! You're so stuck in your ways far, far up your asshole's that you're blind to see how you treated Dylan! It's really disgusting, and I am so upset with the both of you at your sickening behavior. It's so sickening to me right now that I can't stand looking at the two of you anymore." Andrea turned to her then. "Come on, we're leaving."
The older woman had no idea where they were going to go, but she knew it was better than staying here for the meantime.
"Andy, you can't leave... it's late and you have nowhere to go." Richard tried to speak, his voice laced with concern. "You've been drinking far too much and you just need to sleep it off."
"Don't tell me how much I've had to drink, I know when I've had enough, and most of all you can't tell me what to do."
Pippa stood down from the island counter stool. "I'm coming. Staying here isn't doing my mood any better."
"Good. We'll go to the old camper van." Andrea replied, tugging on her hand and taking Pippa's. "Neither of you follow us because, like I said, I don't want to see your faces."
Richard held up his hands whilst Harrison shook his head and walked away towards the staircase.
"Absolute bastards, the both of them!" Andrea angrily said, slamming the car door.
Miranda got behind the wheel of the silver Mercedes. It felt bizarre to her because she barely drove anymore. "Where are we going?" she questioned after turning the engine on and putting the car into drive, thankful she had only had a glass of wine earlier.
"Turn right at the end of the drive way and just keep going until I tell you to stop." Andrea responded, turning to glare out the window, and so, nodding Miranda put her seatbelt on, booted up the heater, and began driving down the drive-way.
~*~
A Little While Later.
Andrea had been pacing the length of the old camper van. Her lover hadn't been kidding when she said it was old. It was completely run down, looked as if it hadn't been used in years, and the door had taken quite a bit of muscle power to open as it had been stuck closed. She simply hoped there were no creepy-crawley's hiding around.
The two sisters had forgotten that the second mattress in the camper van had been taken out long ago which meant that Pippa couldn't bunk in here with them.
The young blonde had simply shrugged it off, opened one of the cupboards and pulled out a yellow tent which was now where Pippa was trying her best to calm down and get some rest, a few feet outside.
"Darling..." Miranda softly said, trailing off. "Would you like to talk about it."
Her lover growled, turning around. "No! They anger me too much! They can't even see how they made Dylan feel! How they make me feel!"
She watched as Andrea collapsed onto the nearby couch.
"This is all just... too much." Andrea said, and Miranda watched as her lovers back began convulsing from silent sobs. "Why is this happening."
Miranda really, really wished she had the answers. She opened her mouth to speak when Andrea jumped up off the couch, coming closer to her.
"Make love to me." Andrea cried, tears streaming down that flawless face.
The RUNWAY editor was taken aback by that request. Her lover was in no state. "Andrea, I-"
"Please, just fuck me." Andrea begged now. "I want to feel something else. Please."
Miranda stepped closer, her heart aching for her lover who sounded so broken and lost. She closed the distance between them, moving into Andrea's personal space and put her arms around the brunette. "Okay." She whispered, cupping the back of Andrea's neck and pulling her mouth towards her own, kissing her fiercely.
Andrea did the same in return, pushing her up against the closed camper van door, her tears mingling with their mixed saliva.
Knowing Andrea wanted to feel something, anything else, Miranda pushed away from the door and the brunette moved backwards guiding them to the back of the van where the double bed was all the while stripping Andrea of her clothes and underwear.
They stopped at the end of the bed. It had no sheets on it but that was alright, they didn't need those yet. She pushed her lover onto the mattress and she stared down at her, she was stunning and all for her.
Taking off her own clothes Miranda tossed them behind her and situated herself atop Andrea's gloriously soft body, the body she would never tire making love to.
It wasn't a night for taking it slow and that's why Miranda dived straight in, her tongue moving around Andrea's vagina opening, getting her wet before finally making her way to Andrea's clitoris which was now ready for her to pay delicious attention to.
At the first lick Andrea arched her lower body into her and let out a low moan. "Yesss."
Miranda continued to ferociously take her lover and hoped she could help take Andrea's mind off all the nightmare that she and her family found themselves in.
~*~
The Next Morning.
Miranda woke to not only an empty bed but an empty camper van. She shivered under the duvet, the Winter chill still hanging around in the air even though it was officially Spring, and she pulled the blankets tighter around her.
Closing her eyes again Miranda dreaded getting up from bed. It was going to be a horribly sad day and she was going to have to be ridiculously strong for her lover. She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she knew she had it in her to do so, she was the untouchable RUNWAY editor after all. She has trained herself years now how to keep for emotions in check.
Covering her mouth as she yawned she knew it was time to get up and face the day.
Swinging her legs over the bed she hurriedly reached out for her pajama pants, sweater and night robe. She realised that they had left their bags at the Sachs Homestead which meant they would be heading back their soon to shower and ready themselves for the inevitable.
Yawning again, it had been a night of tossing and turning, she walked over to the window and pulled open the curtains spotting her brunette beauty sitting out on a log by a small crackling fire which had a tripod over it with a pot hanging above the flames.
Opening the door, she walked down the steps and over to the log, touching Andrea's head as she sat down next to her lover. "Morning." she said, leaving out the good part because there was nothing good about this morning.
She watched as her lover grabbed a protective glove, stood from the log and took hold of the pot (which was a tea-pot) and poured the hot water into a mug along with some semi-expensive coffee and a dash of milk, handing it to her silently.
"Thank you." Miranda whispered, instantly sipping the steaming coffee. It was no Starbucks but it would do the trick. She watched then as Andrea took her own mug of coffee, stood and held out a hand.
"Come." Was all her brunette beauty said.
Taking Andrea's hand, which was more pale than normal due to the cold morning air, she walked side-by-side with the young woman for quite a little while until they came to the end of a hill-top. She knew they had driven up a hill last night, but she hadn't realised they were this high up as she stared down at the stunning, and breathtaking view of the Sachs Homestead and land surrounding. "It's beautiful." she softly said, breaking the silence.
"This was our favourite spot."
Miranda turned to Andrea who broke the silence.
“When we were teens... every Friday night we would sneak out of the house with one of Mom’s bottles of Vodka and get drunk even though we never particularly enjoyed the Vodka, but we knew it was too risky sneaking off with Dad’s Whisky. Mom never suspected we were drinking her liquor because she would down it like it was water and always thought it was her who’d drunk it.” The brunette laughed softly. “We would sit here, stare up at the stars and wonder what was out there in the far reaches of space… I always wanted to be an Astronaut growing up…”
“You never told me that.”
“This dream didn’t last for long once I realised the art of words.” Andrea responded, continuing. “We would talk about anything and everything. We always had the same way of thinking. We could talk until the sun came up, and some mornings we did even though we regretted it two hours later when Mom was making us do our chores.”
Miranda chuckled, watching as Andrea pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff.
“This is for you, brother.”
She watched as her lover downed quite a lot of the clear liquor before turning and looking up at the sun which was coming up over the horizon lighting up the sky wonderfully.
A few seconds passed before Andrea turned to her, holding out the bottle. "Hair of the dog?"
Miranda raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "For Dylan." she replied, holding out her mug of coffee. She'd had a coffee/vodka cocktail once before and even though she knew this drink now was going to taste nothing like that cocktail she drank it anyway because she would need something to help lighten her up. She had to be that light at the end of the tunnel for Andrea. She sipped her drink, cringing only slightly because it really didn't mix well with the sort of coffee it was, and reached for Andrea's. Plus, after hearing what Andrea had told her, it only made sense to send off Dylan here, like this, together.
~*~
Mid-Morning.
Hearing the doors to the town hall opening everybody stood from their seats. The RUNWAY editor had surprisingly been sat up the front in the second row next to Andrea with the rest of the Sachs family. She turned her head to the left and watched as Richard, Harrison, Big Al, and a couple of other male Sach’s relatives she hasn't met, carrying Dylan's casket. She swallowed hard at the sight still unable to believe that this was happening.
As they moved, albeit slowly, down the hall the Sachs women came in to view, Kate in the middle between Andrea and Pippa who were holding onto her followed by the rest of the family.
When the casket was placed up the front the Sachs settled in their seats Miranda turned to Andrea who was staring at the coffin that her brother lay motionless and cold inside. She took her lovers hand, squeezing tightly.
The brunette turned to her with tear filled eyes. Her lover squeezed her hand in response.
The funeral director came into view in front of them all, beginning to speak.
"Let's not mourn Dylan's life when there was so much of it to celebrate. Let's not dwell on our loss when we are all so much richer for having known Dylan. Let's not be sad when we all know that's not what he would want. For Dylan has given us so much to smile and laugh about..." he continued speaking and Miranda zoned out a little, feeling completely numb, Andrea beginning to sniffle and cry next to her, squeezing her hand tightly. She was unable to believe she was sitting here mourning such a beautiful soul who had been taken from this Earth too soon.
The funeral director finished speaking and a projector screen came down from the roof.
Dylan came onto the screen holding an electric guitar and started rocking out to a Metallica song that he played exceptionally well. She'd had no idea he played guitar. He really was a man of all trades and talents!
"This is how everyone should remember me if I was ever to pass onto another life... remember me as the kick-ass guitar player! And this song better be played at the funeral and over and over again at the wake!" Dylan grinned, this looked to have been recorded quite a few years ago, and he had no idea what was lying in wait for him. She swallowed hard. She wished that there was something more that could have been done to prevent him from doing something so drastic.
The Sach's clan and all of the relatives began bawling their eyes out, staring at his goofy grin as he began rocking out to another Metallica song. The electric guitar continued playing through the speakers until the video faded out and a slide-show of family photos began. There were some she had seen and lots she hadn't. There were lots of goofy photos and lots of serious faces. There was one of Dylan sitting on a park bench with his siblings, he was no older than three, and in-between his legs was a very large wet patch which caused the room to laugh.
"He was always wetting himself from excitement." Andrea explained softly.
Miranda smiled, albeit sadly, as she stared into Andrea's eyes. She hated seeing her lover like this. She wished she could pull a miracle out of her sleeve and bring Dylan back to the Sach's clan.
The photographs went on for a good few minutes because there were lots of them, Kate and Richard had done the right thing and had taken millions. Her heart fluttered with adoration when cute baby/toddler/teenager pictures of her darling Andrea came onto the screen, and she couldn't help but chuckle and slightly cringe at the god-awful clothes Andrea was seen wearing in a lot of the pictures, but then there were the older photos of her in the brunette's Northwestern days in her early twenties and Miranda's always burning attraction for her lover was inflamed. Andrea was truly drop-dead gorgeous in every single way; those eyes, that cheeky/naughty smirk, legs that went on for days... I'm a lucky woman!
The slide-show came to a stop after a photo of the last ever family photo that had been taken of the six family members, eight including the boisterous dogs, who were of course also in the photo.
Richard's eyes made contact with the director of the funeral and he stood up, looking down to Kate who was unmoving.
Miranda could understand. She knew if this were a funeral for one of the girls she wouldn't want to have to get up there and face everyone because that would make this so much more real.
Kate reached out, taking his hand, and slowly stood to make their way to the podium... eyes never leaving the photo of Dylan above the coffin.
“I had always wanted two boys and two girls..." Richard began speaking, looking out to all of them. "So, the day Kate and I found out we were expecting another baby boy I was… I was overjoyed. I remember that day clearly when Kate surprised me with the positive pregnancy test, and that very first visit to the doctor for the ultra-sound, seeing Dylan for that first time… I knew what a whirlwind of a boy he was going to be, but I knew I was always going to cherish him. He was the son I had always dreamed of having, but losing a son at the young age of twenty-three-" He shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. "When he had so much more life to live, to meet the woman of his dreams, propose to her and get married, to have children... things he'll never get to do now... all these life experiences that can never be experienced. I will never be able to get over this loss, and if it weren't for my other children, and I can speak for Kate here, is that I would have lost the will to live by now, but because of them and their strength and love I know that Kate and I will eventually be okay... as long as we all stay together..." Richard looked at his children. "As you can see I'm not holding a piece of paper, I haven't prepared a speech of any kind because I never thought I'd be standing here saying goodbye to my youngest son. It was meant to be the other way around, I was meant to be lying in some bed decades from now dying from old age saying goodbye to my children..." Kate was uncontrollably sobbing at this point and she couldn't remain standing there anymore, she was about to collapse.
Andrea and Harrison sensed this and instantly walked over to her as she practically fell into their arms.
As Kate walked back over to the rows of chairs their eyes connected. They were pools of devastating sadness to the point it was overwhelming and Miranda wanted to break eye contact but she didn't. They were eyes that also conveyed so much confusion and anger.
Once Mama Sachs was settled back on the chair in the front row her lover returned next to her, reclaiming her hand even more tightly than moments ago.
"I fucking hate this." Andrea softly cried.
"I know, darling." Miranda replied. She fucking hated it too.
Richard began talking again. "Dylan was the best son a Father could ask for. We definitely had our ups and downs, but what Father and Son doesn't... at the end of the day we always mended the patches, had a beer or well more than just a beer-" the room laughed then everybody knowing just how much not only Dylan enjoyed drinking but the whole Sachs clan. "He got that from his Grandfather and I'll miss our Thursday night "beer night" and Sunday afternoons making our home brew and Wednesday's for our snooker competitions with our friends." He looked over to a certain group. "Our local drinking hole will never be the same to the point I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go back there without him..." he continued wiping the tears that silently fell. "But most of all what I'll miss the most is just his funny, amazing, carefree attitude on life and how he could always make me laugh or how he could make me open up and talk about whatever it was that he could see was bugging me. Nothing ever phased Dylan, that boy went with the flow and never let anything bother him too much or well... that's what I had always thought, until now. It goes to show that you never know what a person might be going through on the inside and that's why all of you need to talk about anything that might be bugging you whether it's to a family member or a friend... I never want any one of you, my incredible and loyal community members, to feel the pain that my family and I feel. Please, if this is resonating something inside of you, please talk to someone and seek the help needed because resorting to such measures..." Richard shook his head. "There are other ways..." he began crying even more now and he ended his speech there as Harrison went up and walked his Father back next to Kate before standing at the podium to take his turn.
"Not many people know this but Dylan was born at home." Harrison began speaking.
Miranda had known this, well, the story from her lovers point of view, of course and it was a beautiful story.
"I remember that day so clearly. Andy and I wouldn't stop arguing and running around being complete little shits. Dad got so frustrated with us that he left us to run amok and went to do work around the farm because we wouldn't go outside, we kept refusing as it was too cold. I remember Mom yelling down to us sometime later telling us to call Dad back in and an ambulance because the baby is coming. Andy and I stopped arguing straight away, we instantly forgot what it was we were arguing about and went to be with our Mom and our new baby brother that was on the way. It was a bit of a blur until Dad came back and was able to calm Mom down, but then Mom started yelling at Dad because of all the pain she was in, and Andy kept telling me about how hungry she was for chocolate fudge..."
Andrea laughed through her tears as Harrison's eyes met with her lovers.
Miranda smiled. Her lover still grumbled about wanting chocolate fudge at the worst of times.
"It was when Andy finally got some chocolate fudge and she had begun to greedily eat it when we were called back into the room to meet our baby brother, Dylan, and I remember... he was crying his head off so hard." Harrison fought the urge to cry, keeping himself together as Andy and Pippa joined their brother, putting their arms around him as they cried softly. "I took his little hand and straight away he stopped crying. That's when I knew it was my job to always look out for him, make sure nobody hurt him, but truth is I failed in doing that along the way, I became too focused with my own career and dreams..." Tears began falling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dylan, that I didn't stick to my word." he remained quiet for a few seconds, getting himself together as best as possible. "I love you, meathead, and you shouldn't have gone out this way.” he folded his small piece of paper, and looked up to them all. “He was the world to us all and he will never be forgotten.”
“Never.” Andrea and Pippa softly said.
Harrison stepped away from the podium, and looked to his siblings.
Miranda watched as Andrea hesitated before taking a deep breath and stepping forward. Her lover fixed the microphone to her height before looking out at all of them, her eyes meeting hers. She nodded at Andrea, smiling at her. You can do this. She thought to herself, knowing that her lover was struggling on the inside to get a grip. Her brunette beauty didn't want to mess this up for Dylan and has been working on her speech since she got back from tackling what it was like being out on the streets.
"Dylan wasn't only my brother, the most amazing brother at that, but he was my best friend. I don't know what to say... none of this-" Andrea looked around, her voice and body trembling and Miranda itched to reach out and hold her. "Is... is supposed to be happening. I shouldn't be standing here today." Her brunette beauty broke down then, unable to continue as tears endlessly fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." she cried and Miranda's heart broke all over again as she watched her usually strong lover break down in front of them all.
Through her blurry eyes behind her PRADA sunglasses Miranda watched as Pippa stepped forward and put her hands over her sister's shaking ones. The blonde took Andrea's piece of paper and looked up into the brunette's eyes before turning to look at them all.
Oh my... Miranda couldn't believe what she saw, how strong this young girl was being for her older sister who was visibly broken. What a perfect soul. Seriously, the whole Sach's clan were extremely incredible people and she considered herself to have found a pot of Gold to be able to call Andrea Sachs her friend and her lover.
The perfect soul which was Pippa began speaking, reading Andrea's words. "This should be a normal day, like one of those days you don't even have to think about, but instead we're here to grieve for our beloved brother, son, nephew, cousin, and friend... to say goodbye to Dylan, our beautiful meathead." Pippa was holding back her tears, and Miranda had no idea how she was remaining so strong when everyone around her wasn't, the whole room was crying, tears were silently falling down her own cheeks behind her sunglasses. "I'm still trying to work out what I should say. I've looked for poems, songs, words written from someone else but the truth is... I realised I don't need anyone else’s words. I know how it felt to have Dylan in our lives, the happiness, the constant chatter, all the love he brought to each and every one of us... and the pain now that he's gone. He lived for twenty-three years, and he was meant to have another five or six decades under his belt... I want to stand up here and talk about all of our great times together, all the silly memories we created and all the pranks we pulled, but there are too many to choose from and if I were to start retelling them to you all not only would we be here all afternoon but the waterworks would begin and I wouldn't be able to stop those and actually speak clearly to you all. One thing I can say about Dylan is that no matter what moods we were all in, if all six of us were grumpy on a Sunday afternoon and none of us felt like getting along he would waltz into the room and bring us all together again until we were very nearly wetting ourselves with laughter because that's the sort of person Dylan was. He valued those around him and never enjoyed being sad and alone, always wanting to make you smile and laugh, to be the life of a party. I'm going to miss that lively attitude... no one will ever be able to come as close as you. Every moment with him was precious. How this must be feeling for Mom and Dad, Kate and Richard-" Kate's sobs were louder now as Richard held her tight and Pippa was visibly starting to struggle holding it together. "We can never understand that pain, it isn't fair... a parent losing their child, but we are here for you." the Sachs siblings looked to their parents through their blurry tear-filled eyes. "To grieve with you, and comfort you, you're surrounded by people who love you-" Pippa began crying now, her strong facade slowly cracking. "And to cherish all the memories Dylan has given us. I miss my brother, and I'll always miss and love him, and what this has shown me more now than ever is that I'll never take for granted the time I have with people that I love."
Miranda blew her nose as everyone around her nodded their agreements and continued crying as she watched Andrea embrace Pippa tightly, whispering something in her ear. Her lover took the piece of paper from Pippa's hand before the young blonde reached into her jacket and pulled out her own rumpled piece of paper. She remembered seeing Pippa throw it away yesterday evening in a crumpled ball.
"These are my own words now." Pippa said into the microphone, staring down at the paper she held. "I haven't prepared any fancy poems or quotes to read to you. I looked at the internet’s guide to writing a eulogy and it said to say goodbye in your own words even if you're a really crappy writer and public speaker like I am. I'm not going to talk about what a wonderful person Dylan was, how happy and vibrant he was because, come on, we all know that about him. It's the first thing you pick up on the very first time you meet him." the blonde took a few slow breath's before continuing. "I want to talk about the day-to-day stuff. The room we used to share when we were younger, our pet turtle we shared, how he taught me to tie my shoe laces and taught me how to read digital and analogue time. How he taught me to change the oil in my car and fill up the water for the windscreen wipers... he was the one who came to my aid when I broke down with a popped tyre and he patiently talked me through how to fix it. He was always patient, he never snapped and never got annoyed, not even when I would come in and try to help him with the motorbikes when I always knew I was only getting in his way and yet he never said anything, he let me mess around and be that annoying little sister."
Miranda watched as Pippa fell quiet for a couple of seconds, trying to keep herself from crying.
"I always admired Dylan's passion to follow after our Grandfathers love for motorbikes and to build up this empire that our Grandfather had always dreamed of. Dylan achieved that, and did what Grandfather could not, and I know that Grandfather would have been looking down with his wide goofy smile... the smile that Dylan also had... being so, so proud of him. Dylan never backed down, he stuck to his goals and didn't let the influences of others tell him what he should be doing with his life, he always did what he believed in, and rarely ever let people give him shit because of that. That's one of the things I loved about Dylan. The other thing I loved was that he always had my best interest in heart. He was always looking out for me, making sure I was okay, always threatening the boys at school that if they ever broke my heart they would have him to deal with." Pippa smiled then, obviously thinking back to the memory. "He did whatever he could for me... if I was in a sad mood he would always go out of his way, above and beyond, for me to make me happy again even when I gave him a hard time and I was a moody bitch telling him to leave me alone..." she shook her head. "No matter what he was there. He always protected me right from day one and when I feared the bogey monster hiding under my bed. He would build a fort in our room, and it was our magical fort that no scary monsters could enter. He would make it into this fun game, and would make me forget that I even had the fear of the mythical bogeyman. Dylan was funny. He was beautiful, had the perfect smile that always made me smile, and his laugh... his laugh was contagious. He was also brave, he was a daredevil and nothing ever seemed too dangerous for him. He was the most kind-hearted person and would have done anything for you. It's true though that Dylan had his secrets, I knew that, but I never thought this..." she trailed off. "Lately... when we talked about the future, how we were going to move into his wicked new house together, be housemates until either of us found "the one” because we loved spending so much time together. All of us siblings did. We rarely ever fought and when we did it was always over something minor. We spoke of all the things we were going to do, how the house was going to look, and we couldn’t come to an agreement over what paint colours the living area should be and we ended up in laughter because we kept disagreeing until we simply decided on a neutral colour. The way he spoke, he didn’t let on how he was feeling inside... I can’t believe we aren’t going to be able to create all those silly memories in your dream house together... that I’ll never get to hear your voice, to talk to you again whenever I need cheering up, to see you pop your head into my room and tell me something random or quote Family Guy to me before running off down the hall laughing like an idiot. My life will never be the same without you, brother.” she turned to the picture of Dylan. “I loved him. I loved him so much and I will always love him. I have lost this big chunk of me and I hate that I’ll never be able to get that back. I know that they say today is supposed to be a day of celebrating Dylan’s life, but that just feels wrong. Dylan shouldn’t have gone out the way he did, and celebrating is the last thing I feel like doing."
Miranda watched as Pippa stared silently at the piece of paper she held. It was obvious the young sibling had finished speaking, but was unable to move.
Andrea and Harrison put their arms around her, and Pippa physically jolted out of the daze she had been in, and nodded as they whispered to her and they began walking over to the seats.
The funeral director came back into view as the Sach's siblings settled in the front row together, her eyes having quickly connected with Andrea's and she nodded, she knew Andrea needed to be with her siblings now as Pippa cried in her lovers arms and Kate continued sobbing more violently seeing her children broken in such a way.
~*~
An Hour Later.
Everyone had made their way back to the Sachs Homestead and now they were stood out the back, a few paddocks from the house, watching as Dylan's casket was placed into the ground in the spot his future house would have been built.
Not many words were said, everything that had needed to be said was said earlier at the town-hall, as Miranda stepped forward and picked up a red rose out of the basket and threw it down onto the coffin. I'll never forget you...
Some time had passed and everyone had left except for herself and the five members of the very close-knit Sach's clan until one by one they slowly walked away with sobs escaping their mouths.
It was now just Andrea and her. Her lover was now crying uncontrollably and she turned into her, her body colliding into her own with her lover burying her face into her shoulder. "I don't know how I'll live without him."
Miranda, knowing there wasn't much that could be said, simply rubbed Andrea's back and held onto her lover tightly, letting Andrea know that she would always be there for her and that she can cry as much as she likes.
A few moments passed until Andrea pulled away, wiping her tears with shaking fingers, and looked to Dylan's grave stone in front of the hole in the ground where her brother laid in the casket. She watched as her brunette beauty pulled out the bottle of Wild Turkey she had purchased just yesterday, and it all made sense now as to why she'd brought it, as Andrea knelt down and put the bottle in front of the grey headstone.
"This was the first alcoholic drink I brought Dylan on his 21st birthday." Andrea explained, staring down at the casket. "It was one of the greatest nights. The whole town came out, we drank and sang the night away..." tears fell down Andrea's flawless cheeks which were continuously wiped away with shaking fingers. "I remember the Jukebox didn't stop playing his favourite song on repeat all night to the point a heap of locals got annoyed." she laughed softly, Miranda smiled sadly. "None of us in the family cared though, it helped he had great taste in music."
Miranda leant down, putting a hand on Andrea's shoulder, watching as her lover put the rose she still held atop the rest.
"I'm going to miss hearing you play guitar, and mostly hearing your voice calling me up to chat about this and that, whinge and moan about whatever was bugging you..." A sob escaped the brunette's mouth, and she cupped it. "but I guess we're all lucky you recorded so much footage of yourself, you were always such a camera whore. There are so many things I'm going to miss about you."
Her lover stood then and she did too, watching as so many emotions crossed Andrea's face.
"I can only hope that whatever pain you must have been in is gone now, that you're finally at peace." Andrea said, and it was obvious how hard it was for the brunette beauty to be saying these words because of not knowing of Dylan's battles with himself.
Her hand was entwined with Andrea's.
"I'm ready to go now..." Andrea said, turning to look at her. "To send him off the way he would want me to... with our family, alcohol, music, and laughter... lots of it."
Miranda nodded, and squeezed her darling's hand.
"To reminisce on all of the amazing times we had together."
~*~
Sometime Later.
Miranda stopped short upon seeing that the living area of the Sachs Homestead was already occupied. She had needed to come inside for a few moments of reprive, to shed her own tears she had been doing her best to hold back, to remain strong for her brunette beauty "Oh." she said, and Kate turned around. "I'm sorry to disturb you."
Kate waved her words away, turning back to the window.
Miranda hesitated, and decided it was best to leave the grieving Mother alone and was about to walk away when the other woman started talking.
“I feel like I am a bad mother for standing up there in front of you all and I didn’t say one word about my baby boy.”
Miranda shook her head. “I don’t think you’re a bad mother at all. It’s understandable that you couldn’t say anything, it was hard enough standing up there in the first place when today shouldn’t have happened.”
"But I should have said something.” Kate downed the rest of her vodka. “Would you have? You would have."
“It’s hard to say.” Miranda responded. It was true, it would all depend on what her mood would be like and if she had the energy to even speak let alone stand. “Honestly... I think I’d want to say goodbye in my own way and my own time.”
Kate was pacing the length of the room in such a way like Andrea did. She remained quiet, and so Miranda spoke again.
“However, if you really feel like you should have said something then maybe you can now.”
Kate paused, looking at her and again it reminded her so much of her lover. “Now?”
“Yes, why not.” Miranda shrugged. “Maybe you do need to get something off your chest.”
Kate remained quiet for a few seconds, turning to stare back out the window, and just as the RUNWAY editor thought the other woman wasn't going to say anything the mother turned back around, stared at all of the flowers that filled the room, opened her mouth and began speaking as their eyes connected. “Dylan... you shouldn’t have been taken from me, especially not the way it happened. How and why you did that to your Father and I, your sisters and brother... I’ll never be able to understand-" the woman shook her head. "but... you have left us, you've left a huge hole in all of us, and it angers me how you didn't come to any of us and tell us how you were feeling deep inside... how that must have been for you, dealing with so much darkness. I can never forgive you, for doing what you did, when there were other ways you could have gone about it. However, what happened has happened and there's no turning back the clock. As you would say... life goes on." she turned to look back out the window. "You’re out there now, somewhere beyond that horizon, above us in the clouds, and no longer suffering anymore from the darkness you carried around on your back. You know that I will never forget you, I am your mother, I carried you for nine months and you will always be a part of me, always in my heart and in my memories, never far from my mind... you will never be forgotten in our family, in this home...” the other woman looked back around, and Miranda knew that everywhere Kate looked there would be some sort of memory. “I will always, always love you, and now... now somehow I have to let you go and I have to try to heal from this shock and this grief. This is it, this is goodbye.” Kate picked up a picture of Dylan from the nearby mantelpiece. “Goodbye my beautiful, funny little prankster...” she pressed two fingers to her lips, kissed them and pressed them against the photo. "Rest in peace."
~*~
TBC...
Notes: Woah! What an intense chapter! I hope it wasn't too hard for any of you to read, and I hope you took my advice and grabbed some tissues!
I also want to say that if anyone reading this or anyone you know is dealing with emotional issues/battling depression - you're not alone! There are ways to seek help - talk to your parents, other family members, a friend or if you don't feel you can talk to people like them then a helpline. There are plenty of them out there, and no one will judge you. It's better to talk about whatever you're struggling with then bottling it up.
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
Headspace Australia: 1800 650 890
Whitewreath Australia (text message service for those who don't like speaking on the phone): 0410 526 562
Lifeline New Zealand: 09 5222 999 if you live in Auckland or 0800 543 354 for those that live outside Auckland.
American/Canadian Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
American Crisis Text Line: crisistextline.org
The American Veterans Crisis Line: veteranscrisisline.net
UK Hotline: (0) 8457 90 90 90
Brazil Hotline: http://www.cvv.org.br/
Chinese Hotline: 800-810-1117 or 010-82951332.
Denmark: 70 201 201
French Hotlines:
Fil santé jeunes: 0800 235 236
Suicide écoute: 01 45 39 40 00
SOS Suicide Phénix: 01 40 44 46 45
Lifeline Malaysia: 603-4265 7995
Netherlands - 113 Suicide Prevention: 0900-0113
Just to name a few... here is the complete list if you're reading this in a country I haven't named and you or someone you know needs help and you need to find the number: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
Later That Night.
Tensions were running high and currently it has approached boiling point. Miranda was witnessing Harrison's attitude on a high new level and it was very unbecoming. How on earth is he a Sachs? Was the question on her mind.
"He should have gone to military school like dad wanted and it would have toughened him up and given him opportunities for a practical career instead of hanging around here like a bad smell." Harrison continued his rant.
"I hang around here like a bad smell. What's the difference?" Pippa chimed in from where she drunkenly sat.
"You're going to University next year. That’s practical. Big difference. Maybe had Dylan had more of a future planned-"
"What? He wouldn't have killed himself? That had nothing to do with work. He had a job. He had his own business and he was brilliant at it. It might not be the job you wanted him to have but who cares! Jobs a job!" Pippa responded.
"He was going nowhere!"
"The stats he was telling Miranda and I about were impressive. He was going places and do you forget about the mention he got on American Restoration?! That helped him get even more sales!" Andrea spoke.
"That's a stupid TV show! That mention wasn't going to help him get far."
Andrea threw her hands up in the air as her Dad tried to interfere, but the brunette cut him off. “You know what I think?” Andrea spoke up abruptly, staggering as she got up off the bar stool.
Miranda was thankfully beside her lover and instantly put her arms quickly around her lover’s waist to help to stay standing.
“You keep asking how did this happen to us?! You keep playing the sympathy card, Harrison, because you know what?! I reckon you played a huge, a huge fucking part of all this!” Andrea was very wobbly on her feet as she yelled at her brother.
“Now Andy none of this is helping…” Richard tried to say but her lover shot him a dirty look, pointing at him with rage in her eyes.
“Oh, no. Don't you start too! You were exactly the same! Sure, you'd help him out with the motorbikes and give him money when he desperately needed it, but I heard you talking to him late at night giving him complete shit about how he was acting and all the nights I heard you talking to Mom telling her how disappointment you are with how you always thought he was wasting his life away with a business that was doomed to fuck up at some point!”
Richard stared at Andrea in utter shock.
“Good! Finally, you're feeling like complete shit too! So many nights at the dinner table you'd talk down to him, and even me because we wanted to go down different career paths than what you did. You never could simply let us be happy with our life choices.”
Richard opened and closed his mouth, not able to come up with something to say, and this only made Andrea angrier.
"You're pathetic! Did you know that Dylan called me at 1 or 2 in the morning countless times crying his eyes out because he felt like a complete and utter failure because his favourite older brother and his own fucking father treated him like he was always going to fail! You never once stopped to think how you spoke to us, to him, how it would make Dylan feel. You shattered him on so many occasions because you didn't have faith in him! Mom was always too afraid to speak up to you!”
"I did have faith in him!" Richard yelled. "I wouldn't have let him start up that business and embarrass himself if he wasn't going to be able to go anywhere with it... he started earning money, and he made the family proud."
"It's always about the family and our appearance! It's never just about us and what we want and if we are happy. All that has ever mattered to you is how people view the family! God forbid we embarrass you because we failed at something. I got made redundant at the Mirror but you make it so hard to talk to you about that sort of stuff when I know you already disapprove my choice of being a journalist that I felt like I couldn't tell you I was sacked. You would have said it's because of the work, and that the work isn't good enough for me, I would hear the continuous line "Do you really want to be a struggling journalist until you retire? That's even if you get the money to retire!" remember those words you said to me?!" Andrea angrily asked, she was shaking she was that furious.
Miranda tightened her hold on Andrea. She wanted to open her mouth, to tell her darling lover that maybe she should get some air, but she remained quiet. She didn't want to upset and anger Andrea any further.
"You know what... I'm wasting my breath on the both of you! You're so stuck in your ways far, far up your asshole's that you're blind to see how you treated Dylan! It's really disgusting, and I am so upset with the both of you at your sickening behavior. It's so sickening to me right now that I can't stand looking at the two of you anymore." Andrea turned to her then. "Come on, we're leaving."
The older woman had no idea where they were going to go, but she knew it was better than staying here for the meantime.
"Andy, you can't leave... it's late and you have nowhere to go." Richard tried to speak, his voice laced with concern. "You've been drinking far too much and you just need to sleep it off."
"Don't tell me how much I've had to drink, I know when I've had enough, and most of all you can't tell me what to do."
Pippa stood down from the island counter stool. "I'm coming. Staying here isn't doing my mood any better."
"Good. We'll go to the old camper van." Andrea replied, tugging on her hand and taking Pippa's. "Neither of you follow us because, like I said, I don't want to see your faces."
Richard held up his hands whilst Harrison shook his head and walked away towards the staircase.
"Absolute bastards, the both of them!" Andrea angrily said, slamming the car door.
Miranda got behind the wheel of the silver Mercedes. It felt bizarre to her because she barely drove anymore. "Where are we going?" she questioned after turning the engine on and putting the car into drive, thankful she had only had a glass of wine earlier.
"Turn right at the end of the drive way and just keep going until I tell you to stop." Andrea responded, turning to glare out the window, and so, nodding Miranda put her seatbelt on, booted up the heater, and began driving down the drive-way.
~*~
A Little While Later.
Andrea had been pacing the length of the old camper van. Her lover hadn't been kidding when she said it was old. It was completely run down, looked as if it hadn't been used in years, and the door had taken quite a bit of muscle power to open as it had been stuck closed. She simply hoped there were no creepy-crawley's hiding around.
The two sisters had forgotten that the second mattress in the camper van had been taken out long ago which meant that Pippa couldn't bunk in here with them.
The young blonde had simply shrugged it off, opened one of the cupboards and pulled out a yellow tent which was now where Pippa was trying her best to calm down and get some rest, a few feet outside.
"Darling..." Miranda softly said, trailing off. "Would you like to talk about it."
Her lover growled, turning around. "No! They anger me too much! They can't even see how they made Dylan feel! How they make me feel!"
She watched as Andrea collapsed onto the nearby couch.
"This is all just... too much." Andrea said, and Miranda watched as her lovers back began convulsing from silent sobs. "Why is this happening."
Miranda really, really wished she had the answers. She opened her mouth to speak when Andrea jumped up off the couch, coming closer to her.
"Make love to me." Andrea cried, tears streaming down that flawless face.
The RUNWAY editor was taken aback by that request. Her lover was in no state. "Andrea, I-"
"Please, just fuck me." Andrea begged now. "I want to feel something else. Please."
Miranda stepped closer, her heart aching for her lover who sounded so broken and lost. She closed the distance between them, moving into Andrea's personal space and put her arms around the brunette. "Okay." She whispered, cupping the back of Andrea's neck and pulling her mouth towards her own, kissing her fiercely.
Andrea did the same in return, pushing her up against the closed camper van door, her tears mingling with their mixed saliva.
Knowing Andrea wanted to feel something, anything else, Miranda pushed away from the door and the brunette moved backwards guiding them to the back of the van where the double bed was all the while stripping Andrea of her clothes and underwear.
They stopped at the end of the bed. It had no sheets on it but that was alright, they didn't need those yet. She pushed her lover onto the mattress and she stared down at her, she was stunning and all for her.
Taking off her own clothes Miranda tossed them behind her and situated herself atop Andrea's gloriously soft body, the body she would never tire making love to.
It wasn't a night for taking it slow and that's why Miranda dived straight in, her tongue moving around Andrea's vagina opening, getting her wet before finally making her way to Andrea's clitoris which was now ready for her to pay delicious attention to.
At the first lick Andrea arched her lower body into her and let out a low moan. "Yesss."
Miranda continued to ferociously take her lover and hoped she could help take Andrea's mind off all the nightmare that she and her family found themselves in.
~*~
The Next Morning.
Miranda woke to not only an empty bed but an empty camper van. She shivered under the duvet, the Winter chill still hanging around in the air even though it was officially Spring, and she pulled the blankets tighter around her.
Closing her eyes again Miranda dreaded getting up from bed. It was going to be a horribly sad day and she was going to have to be ridiculously strong for her lover. She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she knew she had it in her to do so, she was the untouchable RUNWAY editor after all. She has trained herself years now how to keep for emotions in check.
Covering her mouth as she yawned she knew it was time to get up and face the day.
Swinging her legs over the bed she hurriedly reached out for her pajama pants, sweater and night robe. She realised that they had left their bags at the Sachs Homestead which meant they would be heading back their soon to shower and ready themselves for the inevitable.
Yawning again, it had been a night of tossing and turning, she walked over to the window and pulled open the curtains spotting her brunette beauty sitting out on a log by a small crackling fire which had a tripod over it with a pot hanging above the flames.
Opening the door, she walked down the steps and over to the log, touching Andrea's head as she sat down next to her lover. "Morning." she said, leaving out the good part because there was nothing good about this morning.
She watched as her lover grabbed a protective glove, stood from the log and took hold of the pot (which was a tea-pot) and poured the hot water into a mug along with some semi-expensive coffee and a dash of milk, handing it to her silently.
"Thank you." Miranda whispered, instantly sipping the steaming coffee. It was no Starbucks but it would do the trick. She watched then as Andrea took her own mug of coffee, stood and held out a hand.
"Come." Was all her brunette beauty said.
Taking Andrea's hand, which was more pale than normal due to the cold morning air, she walked side-by-side with the young woman for quite a little while until they came to the end of a hill-top. She knew they had driven up a hill last night, but she hadn't realised they were this high up as she stared down at the stunning, and breathtaking view of the Sachs Homestead and land surrounding. "It's beautiful." she softly said, breaking the silence.
"This was our favourite spot."
Miranda turned to Andrea who broke the silence.
“When we were teens... every Friday night we would sneak out of the house with one of Mom’s bottles of Vodka and get drunk even though we never particularly enjoyed the Vodka, but we knew it was too risky sneaking off with Dad’s Whisky. Mom never suspected we were drinking her liquor because she would down it like it was water and always thought it was her who’d drunk it.” The brunette laughed softly. “We would sit here, stare up at the stars and wonder what was out there in the far reaches of space… I always wanted to be an Astronaut growing up…”
“You never told me that.”
“This dream didn’t last for long once I realised the art of words.” Andrea responded, continuing. “We would talk about anything and everything. We always had the same way of thinking. We could talk until the sun came up, and some mornings we did even though we regretted it two hours later when Mom was making us do our chores.”
Miranda chuckled, watching as Andrea pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff.
“This is for you, brother.”
She watched as her lover downed quite a lot of the clear liquor before turning and looking up at the sun which was coming up over the horizon lighting up the sky wonderfully.
A few seconds passed before Andrea turned to her, holding out the bottle. "Hair of the dog?"
Miranda raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "For Dylan." she replied, holding out her mug of coffee. She'd had a coffee/vodka cocktail once before and even though she knew this drink now was going to taste nothing like that cocktail she drank it anyway because she would need something to help lighten her up. She had to be that light at the end of the tunnel for Andrea. She sipped her drink, cringing only slightly because it really didn't mix well with the sort of coffee it was, and reached for Andrea's. Plus, after hearing what Andrea had told her, it only made sense to send off Dylan here, like this, together.
~*~
Mid-Morning.
Hearing the doors to the town hall opening everybody stood from their seats. The RUNWAY editor had surprisingly been sat up the front in the second row next to Andrea with the rest of the Sachs family. She turned her head to the left and watched as Richard, Harrison, Big Al, and a couple of other male Sach’s relatives she hasn't met, carrying Dylan's casket. She swallowed hard at the sight still unable to believe that this was happening.
As they moved, albeit slowly, down the hall the Sachs women came in to view, Kate in the middle between Andrea and Pippa who were holding onto her followed by the rest of the family.
When the casket was placed up the front the Sachs settled in their seats Miranda turned to Andrea who was staring at the coffin that her brother lay motionless and cold inside. She took her lovers hand, squeezing tightly.
The brunette turned to her with tear filled eyes. Her lover squeezed her hand in response.
The funeral director came into view in front of them all, beginning to speak.
"Let's not mourn Dylan's life when there was so much of it to celebrate. Let's not dwell on our loss when we are all so much richer for having known Dylan. Let's not be sad when we all know that's not what he would want. For Dylan has given us so much to smile and laugh about..." he continued speaking and Miranda zoned out a little, feeling completely numb, Andrea beginning to sniffle and cry next to her, squeezing her hand tightly. She was unable to believe she was sitting here mourning such a beautiful soul who had been taken from this Earth too soon.
The funeral director finished speaking and a projector screen came down from the roof.
Dylan came onto the screen holding an electric guitar and started rocking out to a Metallica song that he played exceptionally well. She'd had no idea he played guitar. He really was a man of all trades and talents!
"This is how everyone should remember me if I was ever to pass onto another life... remember me as the kick-ass guitar player! And this song better be played at the funeral and over and over again at the wake!" Dylan grinned, this looked to have been recorded quite a few years ago, and he had no idea what was lying in wait for him. She swallowed hard. She wished that there was something more that could have been done to prevent him from doing something so drastic.
The Sach's clan and all of the relatives began bawling their eyes out, staring at his goofy grin as he began rocking out to another Metallica song. The electric guitar continued playing through the speakers until the video faded out and a slide-show of family photos began. There were some she had seen and lots she hadn't. There were lots of goofy photos and lots of serious faces. There was one of Dylan sitting on a park bench with his siblings, he was no older than three, and in-between his legs was a very large wet patch which caused the room to laugh.
"He was always wetting himself from excitement." Andrea explained softly.
Miranda smiled, albeit sadly, as she stared into Andrea's eyes. She hated seeing her lover like this. She wished she could pull a miracle out of her sleeve and bring Dylan back to the Sach's clan.
The photographs went on for a good few minutes because there were lots of them, Kate and Richard had done the right thing and had taken millions. Her heart fluttered with adoration when cute baby/toddler/teenager pictures of her darling Andrea came onto the screen, and she couldn't help but chuckle and slightly cringe at the god-awful clothes Andrea was seen wearing in a lot of the pictures, but then there were the older photos of her in the brunette's Northwestern days in her early twenties and Miranda's always burning attraction for her lover was inflamed. Andrea was truly drop-dead gorgeous in every single way; those eyes, that cheeky/naughty smirk, legs that went on for days... I'm a lucky woman!
The slide-show came to a stop after a photo of the last ever family photo that had been taken of the six family members, eight including the boisterous dogs, who were of course also in the photo.
Richard's eyes made contact with the director of the funeral and he stood up, looking down to Kate who was unmoving.
Miranda could understand. She knew if this were a funeral for one of the girls she wouldn't want to have to get up there and face everyone because that would make this so much more real.
Kate reached out, taking his hand, and slowly stood to make their way to the podium... eyes never leaving the photo of Dylan above the coffin.
“I had always wanted two boys and two girls..." Richard began speaking, looking out to all of them. "So, the day Kate and I found out we were expecting another baby boy I was… I was overjoyed. I remember that day clearly when Kate surprised me with the positive pregnancy test, and that very first visit to the doctor for the ultra-sound, seeing Dylan for that first time… I knew what a whirlwind of a boy he was going to be, but I knew I was always going to cherish him. He was the son I had always dreamed of having, but losing a son at the young age of twenty-three-" He shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. "When he had so much more life to live, to meet the woman of his dreams, propose to her and get married, to have children... things he'll never get to do now... all these life experiences that can never be experienced. I will never be able to get over this loss, and if it weren't for my other children, and I can speak for Kate here, is that I would have lost the will to live by now, but because of them and their strength and love I know that Kate and I will eventually be okay... as long as we all stay together..." Richard looked at his children. "As you can see I'm not holding a piece of paper, I haven't prepared a speech of any kind because I never thought I'd be standing here saying goodbye to my youngest son. It was meant to be the other way around, I was meant to be lying in some bed decades from now dying from old age saying goodbye to my children..." Kate was uncontrollably sobbing at this point and she couldn't remain standing there anymore, she was about to collapse.
Andrea and Harrison sensed this and instantly walked over to her as she practically fell into their arms.
As Kate walked back over to the rows of chairs their eyes connected. They were pools of devastating sadness to the point it was overwhelming and Miranda wanted to break eye contact but she didn't. They were eyes that also conveyed so much confusion and anger.
Once Mama Sachs was settled back on the chair in the front row her lover returned next to her, reclaiming her hand even more tightly than moments ago.
"I fucking hate this." Andrea softly cried.
"I know, darling." Miranda replied. She fucking hated it too.
Richard began talking again. "Dylan was the best son a Father could ask for. We definitely had our ups and downs, but what Father and Son doesn't... at the end of the day we always mended the patches, had a beer or well more than just a beer-" the room laughed then everybody knowing just how much not only Dylan enjoyed drinking but the whole Sachs clan. "He got that from his Grandfather and I'll miss our Thursday night "beer night" and Sunday afternoons making our home brew and Wednesday's for our snooker competitions with our friends." He looked over to a certain group. "Our local drinking hole will never be the same to the point I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go back there without him..." he continued wiping the tears that silently fell. "But most of all what I'll miss the most is just his funny, amazing, carefree attitude on life and how he could always make me laugh or how he could make me open up and talk about whatever it was that he could see was bugging me. Nothing ever phased Dylan, that boy went with the flow and never let anything bother him too much or well... that's what I had always thought, until now. It goes to show that you never know what a person might be going through on the inside and that's why all of you need to talk about anything that might be bugging you whether it's to a family member or a friend... I never want any one of you, my incredible and loyal community members, to feel the pain that my family and I feel. Please, if this is resonating something inside of you, please talk to someone and seek the help needed because resorting to such measures..." Richard shook his head. "There are other ways..." he began crying even more now and he ended his speech there as Harrison went up and walked his Father back next to Kate before standing at the podium to take his turn.
"Not many people know this but Dylan was born at home." Harrison began speaking.
Miranda had known this, well, the story from her lovers point of view, of course and it was a beautiful story.
"I remember that day so clearly. Andy and I wouldn't stop arguing and running around being complete little shits. Dad got so frustrated with us that he left us to run amok and went to do work around the farm because we wouldn't go outside, we kept refusing as it was too cold. I remember Mom yelling down to us sometime later telling us to call Dad back in and an ambulance because the baby is coming. Andy and I stopped arguing straight away, we instantly forgot what it was we were arguing about and went to be with our Mom and our new baby brother that was on the way. It was a bit of a blur until Dad came back and was able to calm Mom down, but then Mom started yelling at Dad because of all the pain she was in, and Andy kept telling me about how hungry she was for chocolate fudge..."
Andrea laughed through her tears as Harrison's eyes met with her lovers.
Miranda smiled. Her lover still grumbled about wanting chocolate fudge at the worst of times.
"It was when Andy finally got some chocolate fudge and she had begun to greedily eat it when we were called back into the room to meet our baby brother, Dylan, and I remember... he was crying his head off so hard." Harrison fought the urge to cry, keeping himself together as Andy and Pippa joined their brother, putting their arms around him as they cried softly. "I took his little hand and straight away he stopped crying. That's when I knew it was my job to always look out for him, make sure nobody hurt him, but truth is I failed in doing that along the way, I became too focused with my own career and dreams..." Tears began falling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dylan, that I didn't stick to my word." he remained quiet for a few seconds, getting himself together as best as possible. "I love you, meathead, and you shouldn't have gone out this way.” he folded his small piece of paper, and looked up to them all. “He was the world to us all and he will never be forgotten.”
“Never.” Andrea and Pippa softly said.
Harrison stepped away from the podium, and looked to his siblings.
Miranda watched as Andrea hesitated before taking a deep breath and stepping forward. Her lover fixed the microphone to her height before looking out at all of them, her eyes meeting hers. She nodded at Andrea, smiling at her. You can do this. She thought to herself, knowing that her lover was struggling on the inside to get a grip. Her brunette beauty didn't want to mess this up for Dylan and has been working on her speech since she got back from tackling what it was like being out on the streets.
"Dylan wasn't only my brother, the most amazing brother at that, but he was my best friend. I don't know what to say... none of this-" Andrea looked around, her voice and body trembling and Miranda itched to reach out and hold her. "Is... is supposed to be happening. I shouldn't be standing here today." Her brunette beauty broke down then, unable to continue as tears endlessly fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." she cried and Miranda's heart broke all over again as she watched her usually strong lover break down in front of them all.
Through her blurry eyes behind her PRADA sunglasses Miranda watched as Pippa stepped forward and put her hands over her sister's shaking ones. The blonde took Andrea's piece of paper and looked up into the brunette's eyes before turning to look at them all.
Oh my... Miranda couldn't believe what she saw, how strong this young girl was being for her older sister who was visibly broken. What a perfect soul. Seriously, the whole Sach's clan were extremely incredible people and she considered herself to have found a pot of Gold to be able to call Andrea Sachs her friend and her lover.
The perfect soul which was Pippa began speaking, reading Andrea's words. "This should be a normal day, like one of those days you don't even have to think about, but instead we're here to grieve for our beloved brother, son, nephew, cousin, and friend... to say goodbye to Dylan, our beautiful meathead." Pippa was holding back her tears, and Miranda had no idea how she was remaining so strong when everyone around her wasn't, the whole room was crying, tears were silently falling down her own cheeks behind her sunglasses. "I'm still trying to work out what I should say. I've looked for poems, songs, words written from someone else but the truth is... I realised I don't need anyone else’s words. I know how it felt to have Dylan in our lives, the happiness, the constant chatter, all the love he brought to each and every one of us... and the pain now that he's gone. He lived for twenty-three years, and he was meant to have another five or six decades under his belt... I want to stand up here and talk about all of our great times together, all the silly memories we created and all the pranks we pulled, but there are too many to choose from and if I were to start retelling them to you all not only would we be here all afternoon but the waterworks would begin and I wouldn't be able to stop those and actually speak clearly to you all. One thing I can say about Dylan is that no matter what moods we were all in, if all six of us were grumpy on a Sunday afternoon and none of us felt like getting along he would waltz into the room and bring us all together again until we were very nearly wetting ourselves with laughter because that's the sort of person Dylan was. He valued those around him and never enjoyed being sad and alone, always wanting to make you smile and laugh, to be the life of a party. I'm going to miss that lively attitude... no one will ever be able to come as close as you. Every moment with him was precious. How this must be feeling for Mom and Dad, Kate and Richard-" Kate's sobs were louder now as Richard held her tight and Pippa was visibly starting to struggle holding it together. "We can never understand that pain, it isn't fair... a parent losing their child, but we are here for you." the Sachs siblings looked to their parents through their blurry tear-filled eyes. "To grieve with you, and comfort you, you're surrounded by people who love you-" Pippa began crying now, her strong facade slowly cracking. "And to cherish all the memories Dylan has given us. I miss my brother, and I'll always miss and love him, and what this has shown me more now than ever is that I'll never take for granted the time I have with people that I love."
Miranda blew her nose as everyone around her nodded their agreements and continued crying as she watched Andrea embrace Pippa tightly, whispering something in her ear. Her lover took the piece of paper from Pippa's hand before the young blonde reached into her jacket and pulled out her own rumpled piece of paper. She remembered seeing Pippa throw it away yesterday evening in a crumpled ball.
"These are my own words now." Pippa said into the microphone, staring down at the paper she held. "I haven't prepared any fancy poems or quotes to read to you. I looked at the internet’s guide to writing a eulogy and it said to say goodbye in your own words even if you're a really crappy writer and public speaker like I am. I'm not going to talk about what a wonderful person Dylan was, how happy and vibrant he was because, come on, we all know that about him. It's the first thing you pick up on the very first time you meet him." the blonde took a few slow breath's before continuing. "I want to talk about the day-to-day stuff. The room we used to share when we were younger, our pet turtle we shared, how he taught me to tie my shoe laces and taught me how to read digital and analogue time. How he taught me to change the oil in my car and fill up the water for the windscreen wipers... he was the one who came to my aid when I broke down with a popped tyre and he patiently talked me through how to fix it. He was always patient, he never snapped and never got annoyed, not even when I would come in and try to help him with the motorbikes when I always knew I was only getting in his way and yet he never said anything, he let me mess around and be that annoying little sister."
Miranda watched as Pippa fell quiet for a couple of seconds, trying to keep herself from crying.
"I always admired Dylan's passion to follow after our Grandfathers love for motorbikes and to build up this empire that our Grandfather had always dreamed of. Dylan achieved that, and did what Grandfather could not, and I know that Grandfather would have been looking down with his wide goofy smile... the smile that Dylan also had... being so, so proud of him. Dylan never backed down, he stuck to his goals and didn't let the influences of others tell him what he should be doing with his life, he always did what he believed in, and rarely ever let people give him shit because of that. That's one of the things I loved about Dylan. The other thing I loved was that he always had my best interest in heart. He was always looking out for me, making sure I was okay, always threatening the boys at school that if they ever broke my heart they would have him to deal with." Pippa smiled then, obviously thinking back to the memory. "He did whatever he could for me... if I was in a sad mood he would always go out of his way, above and beyond, for me to make me happy again even when I gave him a hard time and I was a moody bitch telling him to leave me alone..." she shook her head. "No matter what he was there. He always protected me right from day one and when I feared the bogey monster hiding under my bed. He would build a fort in our room, and it was our magical fort that no scary monsters could enter. He would make it into this fun game, and would make me forget that I even had the fear of the mythical bogeyman. Dylan was funny. He was beautiful, had the perfect smile that always made me smile, and his laugh... his laugh was contagious. He was also brave, he was a daredevil and nothing ever seemed too dangerous for him. He was the most kind-hearted person and would have done anything for you. It's true though that Dylan had his secrets, I knew that, but I never thought this..." she trailed off. "Lately... when we talked about the future, how we were going to move into his wicked new house together, be housemates until either of us found "the one” because we loved spending so much time together. All of us siblings did. We rarely ever fought and when we did it was always over something minor. We spoke of all the things we were going to do, how the house was going to look, and we couldn’t come to an agreement over what paint colours the living area should be and we ended up in laughter because we kept disagreeing until we simply decided on a neutral colour. The way he spoke, he didn’t let on how he was feeling inside... I can’t believe we aren’t going to be able to create all those silly memories in your dream house together... that I’ll never get to hear your voice, to talk to you again whenever I need cheering up, to see you pop your head into my room and tell me something random or quote Family Guy to me before running off down the hall laughing like an idiot. My life will never be the same without you, brother.” she turned to the picture of Dylan. “I loved him. I loved him so much and I will always love him. I have lost this big chunk of me and I hate that I’ll never be able to get that back. I know that they say today is supposed to be a day of celebrating Dylan’s life, but that just feels wrong. Dylan shouldn’t have gone out the way he did, and celebrating is the last thing I feel like doing."
Miranda watched as Pippa stared silently at the piece of paper she held. It was obvious the young sibling had finished speaking, but was unable to move.
Andrea and Harrison put their arms around her, and Pippa physically jolted out of the daze she had been in, and nodded as they whispered to her and they began walking over to the seats.
The funeral director came back into view as the Sach's siblings settled in the front row together, her eyes having quickly connected with Andrea's and she nodded, she knew Andrea needed to be with her siblings now as Pippa cried in her lovers arms and Kate continued sobbing more violently seeing her children broken in such a way.
~*~
An Hour Later.
Everyone had made their way back to the Sachs Homestead and now they were stood out the back, a few paddocks from the house, watching as Dylan's casket was placed into the ground in the spot his future house would have been built.
Not many words were said, everything that had needed to be said was said earlier at the town-hall, as Miranda stepped forward and picked up a red rose out of the basket and threw it down onto the coffin. I'll never forget you...
Some time had passed and everyone had left except for herself and the five members of the very close-knit Sach's clan until one by one they slowly walked away with sobs escaping their mouths.
It was now just Andrea and her. Her lover was now crying uncontrollably and she turned into her, her body colliding into her own with her lover burying her face into her shoulder. "I don't know how I'll live without him."
Miranda, knowing there wasn't much that could be said, simply rubbed Andrea's back and held onto her lover tightly, letting Andrea know that she would always be there for her and that she can cry as much as she likes.
A few moments passed until Andrea pulled away, wiping her tears with shaking fingers, and looked to Dylan's grave stone in front of the hole in the ground where her brother laid in the casket. She watched as her brunette beauty pulled out the bottle of Wild Turkey she had purchased just yesterday, and it all made sense now as to why she'd brought it, as Andrea knelt down and put the bottle in front of the grey headstone.
"This was the first alcoholic drink I brought Dylan on his 21st birthday." Andrea explained, staring down at the casket. "It was one of the greatest nights. The whole town came out, we drank and sang the night away..." tears fell down Andrea's flawless cheeks which were continuously wiped away with shaking fingers. "I remember the Jukebox didn't stop playing his favourite song on repeat all night to the point a heap of locals got annoyed." she laughed softly, Miranda smiled sadly. "None of us in the family cared though, it helped he had great taste in music."
Miranda leant down, putting a hand on Andrea's shoulder, watching as her lover put the rose she still held atop the rest.
"I'm going to miss hearing you play guitar, and mostly hearing your voice calling me up to chat about this and that, whinge and moan about whatever was bugging you..." A sob escaped the brunette's mouth, and she cupped it. "but I guess we're all lucky you recorded so much footage of yourself, you were always such a camera whore. There are so many things I'm going to miss about you."
Her lover stood then and she did too, watching as so many emotions crossed Andrea's face.
"I can only hope that whatever pain you must have been in is gone now, that you're finally at peace." Andrea said, and it was obvious how hard it was for the brunette beauty to be saying these words because of not knowing of Dylan's battles with himself.
Her hand was entwined with Andrea's.
"I'm ready to go now..." Andrea said, turning to look at her. "To send him off the way he would want me to... with our family, alcohol, music, and laughter... lots of it."
Miranda nodded, and squeezed her darling's hand.
"To reminisce on all of the amazing times we had together."
~*~
Sometime Later.
Miranda stopped short upon seeing that the living area of the Sachs Homestead was already occupied. She had needed to come inside for a few moments of reprive, to shed her own tears she had been doing her best to hold back, to remain strong for her brunette beauty "Oh." she said, and Kate turned around. "I'm sorry to disturb you."
Kate waved her words away, turning back to the window.
Miranda hesitated, and decided it was best to leave the grieving Mother alone and was about to walk away when the other woman started talking.
“I feel like I am a bad mother for standing up there in front of you all and I didn’t say one word about my baby boy.”
Miranda shook her head. “I don’t think you’re a bad mother at all. It’s understandable that you couldn’t say anything, it was hard enough standing up there in the first place when today shouldn’t have happened.”
"But I should have said something.” Kate downed the rest of her vodka. “Would you have? You would have."
“It’s hard to say.” Miranda responded. It was true, it would all depend on what her mood would be like and if she had the energy to even speak let alone stand. “Honestly... I think I’d want to say goodbye in my own way and my own time.”
Kate was pacing the length of the room in such a way like Andrea did. She remained quiet, and so Miranda spoke again.
“However, if you really feel like you should have said something then maybe you can now.”
Kate paused, looking at her and again it reminded her so much of her lover. “Now?”
“Yes, why not.” Miranda shrugged. “Maybe you do need to get something off your chest.”
Kate remained quiet for a few seconds, turning to stare back out the window, and just as the RUNWAY editor thought the other woman wasn't going to say anything the mother turned back around, stared at all of the flowers that filled the room, opened her mouth and began speaking as their eyes connected. “Dylan... you shouldn’t have been taken from me, especially not the way it happened. How and why you did that to your Father and I, your sisters and brother... I’ll never be able to understand-" the woman shook her head. "but... you have left us, you've left a huge hole in all of us, and it angers me how you didn't come to any of us and tell us how you were feeling deep inside... how that must have been for you, dealing with so much darkness. I can never forgive you, for doing what you did, when there were other ways you could have gone about it. However, what happened has happened and there's no turning back the clock. As you would say... life goes on." she turned to look back out the window. "You’re out there now, somewhere beyond that horizon, above us in the clouds, and no longer suffering anymore from the darkness you carried around on your back. You know that I will never forget you, I am your mother, I carried you for nine months and you will always be a part of me, always in my heart and in my memories, never far from my mind... you will never be forgotten in our family, in this home...” the other woman looked back around, and Miranda knew that everywhere Kate looked there would be some sort of memory. “I will always, always love you, and now... now somehow I have to let you go and I have to try to heal from this shock and this grief. This is it, this is goodbye.” Kate picked up a picture of Dylan from the nearby mantelpiece. “Goodbye my beautiful, funny little prankster...” she pressed two fingers to her lips, kissed them and pressed them against the photo. "Rest in peace."
~*~
TBC...
Notes: Woah! What an intense chapter! I hope it wasn't too hard for any of you to read, and I hope you took my advice and grabbed some tissues!
I also want to say that if anyone reading this or anyone you know is dealing with emotional issues/battling depression - you're not alone! There are ways to seek help - talk to your parents, other family members, a friend or if you don't feel you can talk to people like them then a helpline. There are plenty of them out there, and no one will judge you. It's better to talk about whatever you're struggling with then bottling it up.
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
Headspace Australia: 1800 650 890
Whitewreath Australia (text message service for those who don't like speaking on the phone): 0410 526 562
Lifeline New Zealand: 09 5222 999 if you live in Auckland or 0800 543 354 for those that live outside Auckland.
American/Canadian Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
American Crisis Text Line: crisistextline.org
The American Veterans Crisis Line: veteranscrisisline.net
UK Hotline: (0) 8457 90 90 90
Brazil Hotline: http://www.cvv.org.br/
Chinese Hotline: 800-810-1117 or 010-82951332.
Denmark: 70 201 201
French Hotlines:
Fil santé jeunes: 0800 235 236
Suicide écoute: 01 45 39 40 00
SOS Suicide Phénix: 01 40 44 46 45
Lifeline Malaysia: 603-4265 7995
Netherlands - 113 Suicide Prevention: 0900-0113
Just to name a few... here is the complete list if you're reading this in a country I haven't named and you or someone you know needs help and you need to find the number: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines