It's a pretty sad state of mind when I can't stand up to people. I cower to people, because that will make them feel better. But I sit here thinking that I am just a pile of shit
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i don't understand how you can expect me to "get along with myself", when i just lost a really big part of myself less than 5 months ago. I'm not saying you didn't, but I was really fucked up by it, because I instead of actually taking the time to go through the grieving process, was forced in to making the grieving process pass by in the 6 weeks I was out of school. That six weeks, appeared to go by in two days. I barely had recognition of what had happened even six months after my brother passed away. Getting along with myself? I mean if you expect me to be over it this soon. You're way fucking wrong. You have no idea how many times, even now, that I want to find everyone that fucked with my brother in high school, or just in general, and fucking stab them to death. I would too, if only to get my final vengeance against all those people. Here it is, five months later, and I've cried once. I didn't fucking shed a tear at his funeral. Perhaps that's a blessing, but I'd rather think that, it would be rather therapeutic to just cry and let EVERY last thing I'm feeling out.
I really don't appreciate you relating me to my mom. I could be bitching at you every five minutes to not sleep on the couch or whatever the fuck. Not that it'll matter to you.
About the walking all over me part, it's not just you it's everyone. Yes, sometimes I offer my assistance, and my assistance, will in turn, become offering my assistance with money. I will give you your ten bucks.
I could mention many more things, but perhaps, taking your advice on one thing, I will tell them to your face, and if you dislike what I'm saying, than so be it..
Perhaps my fear of saying things to you, comes from your "confrontational" personality. For instance, if I say something you don't like, you come up with some witty comeback, because you always have to be right sometimes, and yes, sometimes you are right, and sometimes, I'm fucking right.
Re: And also...psykosis69June 22 2003, 12:35:26 UTC
don't get bent outta shape because you're reading my words the wrong way ;)
i didn't say you had anything that you should be getting over, or any of that. i said i understood you were struggling with life, and its something everyone does. its like sorting out cords, you'll get it done and then a few weeks later it'll just seem like it tangled itself up while you weren't looking.. i said you remind me of your mom, and i meant like when you let the little things bother you. i know you might be angry about this or that, but you choose the smaller things in the end. i still don't care about the 10 bux, either. i'm not against getting money but its not something i think about.
everyone says i'm argumentative, or i always have to be right. my response to that? in argument, if i have a witty retort(or whatever the fuck) its simply that. people don't like arguing with me because i don't give up often. not until i either understand or agree. don't tell me that's a bad quality because determination is the only thing that supports me in life.
basically i'm insulted that you bitched at me online and to everyone else but you didn't once SAY 'oh, but i really want to do this'. i'm not going to spend my life second guessing how everyone feels, and you shouldn't have to either. thats not how relationships with me work, and you know it. now chill out, realize i'm not attacking you. i hang out and like to mix music. i get a pizza with you because i figure it'd be a cool thing to do while we're hanging out. all i want to do is be cool with you and you're sweating the little things. you know if you ever need anything from me, i'll help out. besides, i probably shouldn't have posted back equally bitching at you.. i was just pissed we were waiting for a phone call that never came. i have feelings and friendship means doing something if you say you will do something, not expecting something. i've been trying to avoid your place lately anyway, because you're grumpy a lot these days.
Perhaps... we all need to lighten up a bit. :D Let's just say to fuck with this argumentive bullshit and forget about it. Anyways, I've decided to lay off on the covers and do some original stuff for awhile. So let's just forget about it. And I don't know, I kinda wish you wouldn't avoid my house. I try and not be grumpy, but my main excuse is my mom and my psych nagging me to take Zoloft, which gives me the major shits.
If you wanna hang out, give me a call. Sorry i've been grumpy as of late, and I'll try not to be as grumpy.
I really don't appreciate you relating me to my mom. I could be bitching at you every five minutes to not sleep on the couch or whatever the fuck. Not that it'll matter to you.
About the walking all over me part, it's not just you it's everyone. Yes, sometimes I offer my assistance, and my assistance, will in turn, become offering my assistance with money. I will give you your ten bucks.
I could mention many more things, but perhaps, taking your advice on one thing, I will tell them to your face, and if you dislike what I'm saying, than so be it..
Perhaps my fear of saying things to you, comes from your "confrontational" personality. For instance, if I say something you don't like, you come up with some witty comeback, because you always have to be right sometimes, and yes, sometimes you are right, and sometimes, I'm fucking right.
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i didn't say you had anything that you should be getting over, or any of that. i said i understood you were struggling with life, and its something everyone does. its like sorting out cords, you'll get it done and then a few weeks later it'll just seem like it tangled itself up while you weren't looking..
i said you remind me of your mom, and i meant like when you let the little things bother you. i know you might be angry about this or that, but you choose the smaller things in the end. i still don't care about the 10 bux, either. i'm not against getting money but its not something i think about.
everyone says i'm argumentative, or i always have to be right. my response to that? in argument, if i have a witty retort(or whatever the fuck) its simply that. people don't like arguing with me because i don't give up often. not until i either understand or agree. don't tell me that's a bad quality because determination is the only thing that supports me in life.
basically i'm insulted that you bitched at me online and to everyone else but you didn't once SAY 'oh, but i really want to do this'. i'm not going to spend my life second guessing how everyone feels, and you shouldn't have to either. thats not how relationships with me work, and you know it. now chill out, realize i'm not attacking you. i hang out and like to mix music. i get a pizza with you because i figure it'd be a cool thing to do while we're hanging out. all i want to do is be cool with you and you're sweating the little things. you know if you ever need anything from me, i'll help out. besides, i probably shouldn't have posted back equally bitching at you.. i was just pissed we were waiting for a phone call that never came. i have feelings and friendship means doing something if you say you will do something, not expecting something. i've been trying to avoid your place lately anyway, because you're grumpy a lot these days.
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If you wanna hang out, give me a call. Sorry i've been grumpy as of late, and I'll try not to be as grumpy.
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