On how the vintage dance scene treats young women

[purchasemonkey]

   This is going to be a potentially controversial and polarizing post. Most of it will be behind a cut. It will be poorly organized, because I'm at work and have real work to be doing, but it's weighing heavily on my mind, and I want to say something.

I wrote the following in a comment on another's LiveJournal:I would not let my daughter be part

Comments

[meopta]

I applaud this post.

My disclosure - I removed myself from all 'scenes' beyond the rock and roll one because of the unwanted sexual attention anything else fan based brought me. Many historical based things I had interests in boiled down to either spend the evening trying to keep my self destructive moth friends from the grizzled flames, or spend the evening fending off flames of all ages that it wasn't my job to put out. (in all senses) Therefore, my impressions of things grouped and fan based tends to be negative, though I realize many of my friends have found or do find value in them.

I would have welcomed older women as mentors, but I found only procurers on my travels through those realms, and it's depressing little appears changed in the two decades since.

[devonapple]

The whole "hooo-boy, Chet, I shore can't wait till she's 18" dynamic, especially among the older men, reallllllllly gets under my skin, and is one of the things that made my skin crawl at Ren Faire.

[chrisfs]

Is this actually a problem limited to vintage dance ? because although I haven't been to a regular dance club in ages, I am giving to understand that the situation is much more that way and not less.
Also you, yourself, stand as the possibility of appropriate relations between people of different ages.

Me, myself, and Irene

[purchasemonkey]

Or me, myself, and pixiecrack, as the case may be.

I recognize that, which is why I put it in the above entry.

I will put forward that she and I had been friends for four years, while we were both involved with other people, before we started going out. I didn't target her because of her youth and inexperience.

It still occasionally bothers me, despite feeling wildly lucky and happy about our marriage.

Re: Me, myself, and Irene

[terpsichoros]

There is a big difference between a 31-yo man dating a 22-yo woman and a 27-yo man dating an 18-yo woman. Somewhere around 22, most women become mature enough to make reasonably responsible choices about who they date. (I'm not sure the age is that low for men...)

Re: Me, myself, and Irene

[purchasemonkey]

Yeah, these are the things I tell myself when I want to sleep at night. I guess I consider graduating from college some kind of watershed.

I would basically have understood if D's parents had forbade her to date me or told me to get my damn hands off their daughter, and might well have complied.

[deirdremoon]

I am an infrequent peripheral vintage-dance-goer, so I haven't seen the trend as strongly as you have. But I believe you, because I've seen it in other fandoms too. Granted, I was already a fairly poised 21 when I started, but yes, it's heady at that age to suddenly find a group of men who clean up nice, talk pretty, and not only agree to dance but are better than me at it! Glee

I agree.

[capnkjb]

"...I think the problem isn't just the suave older guy, but the lack of self-confidence in the girl herself..."

^ this ^

Re: I agree.

[kid_lit_fan]

Me, too! I was 20 when I first did Dickens, the first place I noticed this phenomenon. I was not susceptible to older men, because they just weren't appealing to me. I was naive in a way that made me not notice that people wanted to have sex with me, rather than in a way that made me too likely to fall for the first person who said I was pretty (when you're that weird girl in HS, it can be heady to get attention from someone who appreciates you, or acts as if he does. But, for me, it was like my dad saying I was pretty.)

It was not lost on me that some men, my age and older, were more interested in 16-year-olds.

[phantomdancer]

Thanks for posting this, I think it's an excellent viewpoint. I'd be interested in reading the other discussion you mentioned, can you point me to it?

Other discussion

[purchasemonkey]

edge_of_within's journal

[ophymirage]

it's edge_of_within's recent LJ. color yourself surprised, dear. :D