PLEASE HELP!!! Let me know what you think...
Ok, now I really need to start thinking about my future and where I want it to go. I want to have a family some day and I want to be happy with my job and I want to have a great relationship with my ‘significant other.’ Recently I have been talking to and hanging out with Bill. We have fun together once we get past the money and trust issues. I think that we could have a great future just a couple things need to change. Well last night he made another step to ‘reconciliation.’ And knowing the trust issue, if a relationship happens again, that will take a while. The big issue right now is working. I need someone stable to start a family with. I am not a child anymore and I do not want a little high school relationship. I am about to finish my first year in my career and I want to start taking those steps towards a family. Tonight we are going to have a long talk about what needs to happen for a relationship to start again and what needs to happen to keep the relationship going. I know I still have feelings for him and I know that we can make things work he just has to realize that it is going to be hard work and hard work was never his strong point. From the little bit of talking we did last night, he has changed a little bit but I told him not to think that just because we are talking to assume that things are back to the way they were. Just by the way he said some things last night I can tell that he is at least starting to realize that it is time for him to grow up and start taking responsibility for things.
I always doubt myself. I am not sure what to do. I really do think I love him. I never stopped having feelings for him…I just didn’t like things he did and I couldn’t see myself having kids to a big kid! It wasn’t going to work and I wasn’t going to put myself into that situation. Am I crazy for even entertaining this idea? Its hard. Because I know that I can have what I am looking for with him as long as he grows up and takes responsibility, work wise and long-term relationship wise. We have a lot of fun together when we are hanging out. We camp…go to demos…shoot darts…play softball…bowl…movies… And I am not saying that once he starts working it will be smooth sailing. I know that a relationship is work…trust me I know! He just has to realize that and grow out of his childish stage and see that it is time to start a life not only for him but for me (if that is what he wants) and his future children. A life doesn’t just come out of no where, you have to work for it and if you work really hard for it that makes it so much better because you know that you accomplished something. It is a great feeling to know that you are providing for yourself and working hard to do it, it makes relaxing and time alone so much better. That’s how I see it anyway.
If I have doubts, does that mean that it is the wrong thing to do? I don’t know what to do or say. I just want to be happy…is that wrong? I think it can happen. And I know that the relationship falling apart was not just his fault. I know I need to be more supportive and understanding and not push too hard. I know his buttons and I know how to push them I just wanted things to happen too fast. And neither of us really listened to each other. He kept telling me that he doesn’t respond well to yelling and arguing and that’s what I kept doing. On the other hand, I kept telling him if he grew up and started working that I would stop yelling and arguing. So it was a never-ending circle of crap. I think I’m going to make a list of what I want out of a relationship and another list of what he needs to do to get that for me and see what he wants to do. Because if a relationship happens again between us I want us both to be happy. The way things were before I wasn’t happy a lot of the time. So I don’t think its going to hurt if I decide to be picky with my ‘new demands.’ Besides, the shit that he has put me through over the past 5 years…I deserve to be picky at this point!!! Well I think so anyways.
Please let me know what you guys think about this, if you finish reading it. I’m sorry its so long I just needed to get this off my chest and I think there is still more up there I just don’t want to make it too long! lol
I always doubt myself. I am not sure what to do. I really do think I love him. I never stopped having feelings for him…I just didn’t like things he did and I couldn’t see myself having kids to a big kid! It wasn’t going to work and I wasn’t going to put myself into that situation. Am I crazy for even entertaining this idea? Its hard. Because I know that I can have what I am looking for with him as long as he grows up and takes responsibility, work wise and long-term relationship wise. We have a lot of fun together when we are hanging out. We camp…go to demos…shoot darts…play softball…bowl…movies… And I am not saying that once he starts working it will be smooth sailing. I know that a relationship is work…trust me I know! He just has to realize that and grow out of his childish stage and see that it is time to start a life not only for him but for me (if that is what he wants) and his future children. A life doesn’t just come out of no where, you have to work for it and if you work really hard for it that makes it so much better because you know that you accomplished something. It is a great feeling to know that you are providing for yourself and working hard to do it, it makes relaxing and time alone so much better. That’s how I see it anyway.
If I have doubts, does that mean that it is the wrong thing to do? I don’t know what to do or say. I just want to be happy…is that wrong? I think it can happen. And I know that the relationship falling apart was not just his fault. I know I need to be more supportive and understanding and not push too hard. I know his buttons and I know how to push them I just wanted things to happen too fast. And neither of us really listened to each other. He kept telling me that he doesn’t respond well to yelling and arguing and that’s what I kept doing. On the other hand, I kept telling him if he grew up and started working that I would stop yelling and arguing. So it was a never-ending circle of crap. I think I’m going to make a list of what I want out of a relationship and another list of what he needs to do to get that for me and see what he wants to do. Because if a relationship happens again between us I want us both to be happy. The way things were before I wasn’t happy a lot of the time. So I don’t think its going to hurt if I decide to be picky with my ‘new demands.’ Besides, the shit that he has put me through over the past 5 years…I deserve to be picky at this point!!! Well I think so anyways.
Please let me know what you guys think about this, if you finish reading it. I’m sorry its so long I just needed to get this off my chest and I think there is still more up there I just don’t want to make it too long! lol