exposed
they always say that anything that seems to be too good to be true is. so, really, where is the catch? and it's not as if i've even done anything to deserve this. all i've done is scoff and play the cynic, swearing off relationships and making my reservations for being the lonely old woman who lives in the spooky house at the top of the hill where kids dare each other to ring the doorbell on halloween. but then this charming, sweet blue-eyed boy with a reckless grin and messy hair walks in and . . . well, we all know this story. he was there all along and i never even saw it coming.
i am 22 years old and i just told a guy that i love him for the first time today. (i let him say it first, of course.) i had been holding in that breath of air for so long that i almost don't even know how to breathe without it buried beneath my ribcage, stagnating in my lungs. the air tastes different, stinging and sweet against that hollowed place inside of me where i keep my secrets that is slightly more empty now. it feels like wind trailing across a freshly unwrapped wound. but i am so giddy and relieved that this is actually happening and not just something that i made up in my head, that these feelings are real or at least as real as they can be and that he is having them too. i am trying to not think of this as The Big Step or whatdoesthismeanwhathappensnext? i am trying to just breathe, keep breathing.
what started here:
"so there still is hope
yes, i can be healed
there is someone looking for what i concealed
in my secret drawer
in my pockets deep
you will find the reasons that i can't sleep
and you will still want me
but will you still want me?
well, i said come for the week
you can sleep in my bed
and pass through my life
like a dream through my head
it will be easy
i'll make it easy"
has arrived here:
"that's why I'm singing baby don't worry
'cause now I got your back
and every time you feel like crying
i'm gonna try and make you laugh
and if i can't
if it just hurts too bad
then we'll wait for it to pass
and i will keep you company for those days so long and black
and we'll keep working on the problem
we know we'll never solve
of love's uneven remainders
our lives are fractions of a whole
but if the world could remain within a frame
like a painting on a wall
then i think we'd see the beauty then
we'd stand staring in awe"
i am 22 years old and i just told a guy that i love him for the first time today. (i let him say it first, of course.) i had been holding in that breath of air for so long that i almost don't even know how to breathe without it buried beneath my ribcage, stagnating in my lungs. the air tastes different, stinging and sweet against that hollowed place inside of me where i keep my secrets that is slightly more empty now. it feels like wind trailing across a freshly unwrapped wound. but i am so giddy and relieved that this is actually happening and not just something that i made up in my head, that these feelings are real or at least as real as they can be and that he is having them too. i am trying to not think of this as The Big Step or whatdoesthismeanwhathappensnext? i am trying to just breathe, keep breathing.
what started here:
"so there still is hope
yes, i can be healed
there is someone looking for what i concealed
in my secret drawer
in my pockets deep
you will find the reasons that i can't sleep
and you will still want me
but will you still want me?
well, i said come for the week
you can sleep in my bed
and pass through my life
like a dream through my head
it will be easy
i'll make it easy"
has arrived here:
"that's why I'm singing baby don't worry
'cause now I got your back
and every time you feel like crying
i'm gonna try and make you laugh
and if i can't
if it just hurts too bad
then we'll wait for it to pass
and i will keep you company for those days so long and black
and we'll keep working on the problem
we know we'll never solve
of love's uneven remainders
our lives are fractions of a whole
but if the world could remain within a frame
like a painting on a wall
then i think we'd see the beauty then
we'd stand staring in awe"