dating sucks. (via my tumblr)
I feel like before, I just fell into these amazing beautiful relationships with witty quips and first date sex.
Now, I'm 23, single, and trying to date. It's exhausting. I didn't date much in high school. I had sex and I had boyfriends but I rarely had dates. So, to my surprise I don't really know how to go on a date. I get nervous and abusive and I talk too much and I say stupid things. Even if I have no chemistry with the guy and I'm in no way interested in sleeping with him. I always come off a little bit brash or too aggressive and I feel awful.
If for some reason the guy sticks around through that awkward attack method of a date (which usually includes physical abuse at one point or another, if only in jest) then there's the whole AWFUL "when do we kiss?" thing. I get it, I'm 23, a certain level of sexual activity is expected, and frankly, I have the sex drive of a 16 year old boy so the thought of making out in the back seat of my car for a couple of hours is really excited. But 20something guys and 16 year old guys have one big difference - confidence. 20something guys have the "confidence" to decide they want to have sex with you and spend 20 minutes trying to push your hand down to their dick. This is after kissing for 10 minutes or so. Seriously guy, If I wanted to touch your dick - I would. I never know how to initiate the kissing, how to tell if it's going to be a good night kiss or a full blown make out leading to about 6 minutes of awkward fumbling and tumbling. I do know that guys have gotten really lazy about kissing too. Kissing used to be fun and people were fairly polite about it. A breath mint and consideration for how much tongue you seem to respond to. I feel like I'm dating in reverse, shouldn't I have had to go through all this in high school?
The getting to know you part sucks. Why can't I find a guy who's over 6 feet tall who loves pop punk, pokemon, glee and disney movies? Oh right - that's my ex boyfriend.....well, I'm sure he's not the only one. But I feel so deeply insulted when I tell some potential boy that I love Disney and Pixar and they snicker or make fun. Same goes for Glee. and Pokemon. Like, I know these things aren't so grown up and profound, but they are things that I love, do you have to be a dick to me about it? I don't make fun of you for being 29 and thinking you could still be a pro skater even though you're 45 pounds overweight and you don't own a skate board. I admire your dreams and respect you for keeping that childlike wonder about yourself. I would never tear you down.
So I keep trying. I get all dressed up. I put on lace panties just in case. I buy condoms, which is still mortifying, especially when they don't fit properly. I think of restaurants I like that are guy friendly because I hate it when guys say "you choose the place" and then makes a gagging sound when I say "sushi" or "crepes!". I listen to the boring stories and I tell my own and I try and count to 3 before I say anything too definitive and I smile and I laugh and I do everything cosmo tells me to.
All because I'm hoping, someday, I'll have that connection again. The kind I've had before, where perfect conversation rolls off the tongue like a script from your favorite 80's love story. Where the music is perfect, where there's always some anecdotal moment to share later over held hands and a laughter that has morphed into the same laugh. I'm hoping for that first kiss that 3 years later, I'll still remember perfectly. I'm hoping people are right and that you can fall in love again. But mostly, I'm hoping that I can stop measuring everyone up to you.
-http://crashburnlove.tumblr.com
Now, I'm 23, single, and trying to date. It's exhausting. I didn't date much in high school. I had sex and I had boyfriends but I rarely had dates. So, to my surprise I don't really know how to go on a date. I get nervous and abusive and I talk too much and I say stupid things. Even if I have no chemistry with the guy and I'm in no way interested in sleeping with him. I always come off a little bit brash or too aggressive and I feel awful.
If for some reason the guy sticks around through that awkward attack method of a date (which usually includes physical abuse at one point or another, if only in jest) then there's the whole AWFUL "when do we kiss?" thing. I get it, I'm 23, a certain level of sexual activity is expected, and frankly, I have the sex drive of a 16 year old boy so the thought of making out in the back seat of my car for a couple of hours is really excited. But 20something guys and 16 year old guys have one big difference - confidence. 20something guys have the "confidence" to decide they want to have sex with you and spend 20 minutes trying to push your hand down to their dick. This is after kissing for 10 minutes or so. Seriously guy, If I wanted to touch your dick - I would. I never know how to initiate the kissing, how to tell if it's going to be a good night kiss or a full blown make out leading to about 6 minutes of awkward fumbling and tumbling. I do know that guys have gotten really lazy about kissing too. Kissing used to be fun and people were fairly polite about it. A breath mint and consideration for how much tongue you seem to respond to. I feel like I'm dating in reverse, shouldn't I have had to go through all this in high school?
The getting to know you part sucks. Why can't I find a guy who's over 6 feet tall who loves pop punk, pokemon, glee and disney movies? Oh right - that's my ex boyfriend.....well, I'm sure he's not the only one. But I feel so deeply insulted when I tell some potential boy that I love Disney and Pixar and they snicker or make fun. Same goes for Glee. and Pokemon. Like, I know these things aren't so grown up and profound, but they are things that I love, do you have to be a dick to me about it? I don't make fun of you for being 29 and thinking you could still be a pro skater even though you're 45 pounds overweight and you don't own a skate board. I admire your dreams and respect you for keeping that childlike wonder about yourself. I would never tear you down.
So I keep trying. I get all dressed up. I put on lace panties just in case. I buy condoms, which is still mortifying, especially when they don't fit properly. I think of restaurants I like that are guy friendly because I hate it when guys say "you choose the place" and then makes a gagging sound when I say "sushi" or "crepes!". I listen to the boring stories and I tell my own and I try and count to 3 before I say anything too definitive and I smile and I laugh and I do everything cosmo tells me to.
All because I'm hoping, someday, I'll have that connection again. The kind I've had before, where perfect conversation rolls off the tongue like a script from your favorite 80's love story. Where the music is perfect, where there's always some anecdotal moment to share later over held hands and a laughter that has morphed into the same laugh. I'm hoping for that first kiss that 3 years later, I'll still remember perfectly. I'm hoping people are right and that you can fall in love again. But mostly, I'm hoping that I can stop measuring everyone up to you.
-http://crashburnlove.tumblr.com