Entry #714- Take aim at myself, take back what you said

Sep 19, 2005 15:43

It feels like a month since I last wrote. How sad ( Read more... )

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punkpanda18788 September 20 2005, 01:08:10 UTC
It's not really that I put all of my energy and such into finding a boyfriend, obviously, or else I wouldn't be single. It's just that lingering hole that is left after having something that you held really special in your heart and is now gone. It's not easy to move on from, and I don't think you ever really do until you find someone who fills the spot. Alicia has told me time and time again that the right guy should fit into your life more than having to fit your life around them, and I totally agree with her. I'm not going to put all of my ambitions and such on hold to look for a guy... they're just nice to have every now and then.

As for the photos- I have no idea if it would work out. Granted, I'm willing to try... I'd just have to run it by my mom first. The whole situation is kind of ironic, really. She wants me to like my pictures and can see how disappointed I am in them, but at the same time she wanted my hair to be all done up (which I never do)... and it felt weird. I guess I should have piped up earlier about the fakeness thing to her. I think she sort of (although not really) understands that it didn't feel like me while I was having them taken. I just wanted to wear my hair in the half ponytail, which I'm rather fond of and I don't think looks too bad... alas. I'm rambling. I just don't know what I'm going to do about it now. I don't want to have to settle on one, because that's not how I think it should be.

I think some factors into my sadness of today was that I was constantly around people for five days, got up way too early this morning, stressed and stressed and stressed about random things all day, and then I was alone, with lots of things to do but no motivation to do any of them. So I let my mind wander and it just got into unhappy territory. But I need a cleansing cry every now and then. Even if just from silly frustrations.

I'm still not sure if the job is a pick-me-up or not. But in any case, it's income, which I desperately need. And thanks for the congrats, it means a lot! :)

Manda

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lookimacowmoo September 20 2005, 02:02:53 UTC
Yeah, I figured that the whole forget-these-expensive-pictures-I'm-gonna-do-my-own thing could be a problem with the Momboss. Oy. Well if you ever decide for it, I'm ready. It'd be tonsafun.

I'm in an event-a-word-or-string-of-hyphenations kinda mood today, eh? lol.

Today sounds like it was icky for you. I think sleep deprivation can greatly affect these things. *hugs*

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punkpanda18788 September 20 2005, 04:01:48 UTC
Today on the whole wasn't so bad. I'm fine when I'm around people... I'm just... emotionally crazy right now.

Tomorrow will be better. Hopefully.

I should go to sleep now. :)

Manda

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