(no subject)
I don't know what the hell I think I am doing. I'm just looking the other way with the truth staring me right in the face. Robbie is never going to sweep me off my feet, never going to "knock my socks off." I've already screwed that up too much to be able to fix it. There is never going to be anyone around when I need them. No one who will come over at a moments notice and give me a hug. No one who will stay on the phone and listen to me cry about my family. No one who, for any odd reason, will tell me what they know I need to hear. I'm only good enough to screw around with, never good enough to date. IF I closed off my house, stopped giving away money, no more bringing food to play, who would be around? Who?
You can't say I love you from 3000 miles away and not expect it to hurt. When you love someone you want them there, now.
You can't tell you BEST FRIEND that you didn't use them and then not give an actual real reason for your actions.
Yeah, I am hung up on that. It hurts. And I need to get it out in the open. And I'm going to keep it open until it either gets cleaned out or dissapears.
I need proof. Words are just that, hot air that dissapears as soon as you say it. Solid, tangible evidence is the only thing with even a chance at making me feel better. But where is it?
You can't say I love you from 3000 miles away and not expect it to hurt. When you love someone you want them there, now.
You can't tell you BEST FRIEND that you didn't use them and then not give an actual real reason for your actions.
Yeah, I am hung up on that. It hurts. And I need to get it out in the open. And I'm going to keep it open until it either gets cleaned out or dissapears.
I need proof. Words are just that, hot air that dissapears as soon as you say it. Solid, tangible evidence is the only thing with even a chance at making me feel better. But where is it?