Uncertainty
That's the only way I can explain where I am in my life right now: Uncertain.
Early March my parents decided to move to Wisconsin. Mid-March they put their house on the market... Two and a half weeks later the house was sold and one week later they purchased a house in a city I can barely pronounce let alone spell. Some attempt to cling to the Native Americans that once dwelled on that land, I'm sure. They will be moved there before April 30th, because that's when they have to close on the house in Noblesville. Did I mention this distant land is 5 1/2 hours away (ideally... but I'm going to have to drive through Chicago... So realistically 6 1/2 to 7 hours away.....) I could drive to and from Noblesville twice in that time... People kept asking me how I felt... I thought I'd have more time to adjust before they actually moved... Two months is not enough time... I said I was okay with it... I mean... I don't expect to stay in Indiana much longer than three more years... So if I don't plan to stay I shouldn't expect them to either. Right? But if I have children they will never see where I grew up a major portion of my life... I won't be going home to familiar streets and sights and stories when I visit my parents... I will be going to a strange city where I'm sure I will always get lost. Lost... That's how I feel... It's weird when your anchor is uprooted and thrown to sea. Everything hit me at work the other day when I thought that I had requested this weekend off to go home but found that I was scheduled every single day. I burst into tears. Almost hyperventilating... Guess I am not okay. Pretending only goes so far.
Part of me wishes I could call Morris about it. His parents moved to Florida a couple years ago and he's ok... I just want someone who's been there to tell me that yes it sucks... but it gets better. But I can't. I'm sure he wouldn't even answer the phone... And if he did, that woman would be upset and it would just cause issues. I hate some of the timelines of my life.
I will be done with school in a month... LESS than a month actually and I am severely unprepared... I haven't applied for graduation or declared my art major yet... I think I've been putting it off because if I'm officially done with school I will have to enter the world head on... It's sort of a re-birth... Not having anyone to rely on but yourself... Of course there are always friends and loved ones to support you emotionally, but ultimately it's only up to you to survive another day. Plant two feet on the ground and keep on going... What if I can't???
Early March my parents decided to move to Wisconsin. Mid-March they put their house on the market... Two and a half weeks later the house was sold and one week later they purchased a house in a city I can barely pronounce let alone spell. Some attempt to cling to the Native Americans that once dwelled on that land, I'm sure. They will be moved there before April 30th, because that's when they have to close on the house in Noblesville. Did I mention this distant land is 5 1/2 hours away (ideally... but I'm going to have to drive through Chicago... So realistically 6 1/2 to 7 hours away.....) I could drive to and from Noblesville twice in that time... People kept asking me how I felt... I thought I'd have more time to adjust before they actually moved... Two months is not enough time... I said I was okay with it... I mean... I don't expect to stay in Indiana much longer than three more years... So if I don't plan to stay I shouldn't expect them to either. Right? But if I have children they will never see where I grew up a major portion of my life... I won't be going home to familiar streets and sights and stories when I visit my parents... I will be going to a strange city where I'm sure I will always get lost. Lost... That's how I feel... It's weird when your anchor is uprooted and thrown to sea. Everything hit me at work the other day when I thought that I had requested this weekend off to go home but found that I was scheduled every single day. I burst into tears. Almost hyperventilating... Guess I am not okay. Pretending only goes so far.
Part of me wishes I could call Morris about it. His parents moved to Florida a couple years ago and he's ok... I just want someone who's been there to tell me that yes it sucks... but it gets better. But I can't. I'm sure he wouldn't even answer the phone... And if he did, that woman would be upset and it would just cause issues. I hate some of the timelines of my life.
I will be done with school in a month... LESS than a month actually and I am severely unprepared... I haven't applied for graduation or declared my art major yet... I think I've been putting it off because if I'm officially done with school I will have to enter the world head on... It's sort of a re-birth... Not having anyone to rely on but yourself... Of course there are always friends and loved ones to support you emotionally, but ultimately it's only up to you to survive another day. Plant two feet on the ground and keep on going... What if I can't???