Just a few thoughts.
There are so many words and emotions that are just so hard to chain down in coherency. I have found soul shattering love. Heart clenching, breath racing, passionate, world changing, love. And I have no idea what I have done to deserve the life I have now. I have a wonderful man who loves me... we can spend days in each other's company and not falter in conversation or begin to tarnish in each other's eyes. I can hold him so close to me and still feel like I should squeeze harder... Just to try to convey how much he means to me. I want to pull the thoughts from the air, sprinkle them with glitter, and glue them down in child like wonder just to express myself. We are wonderfully different and yet just the same... catching ourselves thinking the same things, saying the same things, laughing the same way..... all at the same time... but we never tire of the other. This is the fairy tale love. My Cinderella tale. He is all I could have imagined if I were to construct my mystery man from my dreams.
But I feel bad to have so much good in my life when one of the people I love most has had to suffer so much pain and lose someone so precious. Since that week, everything seems slightly different. Everyone who complains seems so trivial, including myself. Life is something that we shouldn't waste because it keeps proving to be so fragile. In the past two months I have had to attend two funerals... One celebrated a complete life that seemed cut too short, the other mourned the loss of a life that never got to live. Both left people behind, wondering what if...
I used to be a very big church girl... But I cannot help but sit here, feeling minuscule, looking to the heavens wondering WHAT THE FUCK has HE been doing with himself? What is His explanation for all of this? The world is falling in ruins around us, and where is His help? I keep hearing that everything is going to go to hell on Earth probably within my life time. How can things have been soooo bad thousands of years ago that He had to supposedly flood the Earth and start fresh, when now we have home made bombs, nuclear weapons, children cluching guns to their chests while their mothers are being raped, world wide epidemics of killer diseases, genocides... the list is endless. And yet so many just go through life in an ignorant bubble. If He is supposed to transcend time and know what is going to happen then how could he have created man just to watch them self destruct? Oh yea, free will and all that bullshit.
Which brings me to a new quandary. How can people in our nation call themselves good Christians and yet try to strip people of their free will by creating laws to micromanage people's lives? Why should their be laws for us to wear seat belts and fines if we are caught doing so? Should it not be my choice if I want to use that extra safety measure? I'm not potentially hurting anyone but myself... there is no need to make a law about it. And does anyone else see that adding a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is wrong on so many levels? The Constitution was not created to hinder people's lives but to save them from the threat of an over-powering government... adding an amendment forbidding gay marriage would completely undermine it's existence, setting the framework for other frivolous actions in the future. And how can a person call themselves a good-freaking-Christian and yet take away people's free will? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY HURTING???? NO ONE. I would think we were finally at a time when people could stop being so damn insecure, and focus more on the betterment of humanity instead of the protection of our little ignorant damn bubbles.
Enough of that.
But I feel bad to have so much good in my life when one of the people I love most has had to suffer so much pain and lose someone so precious. Since that week, everything seems slightly different. Everyone who complains seems so trivial, including myself. Life is something that we shouldn't waste because it keeps proving to be so fragile. In the past two months I have had to attend two funerals... One celebrated a complete life that seemed cut too short, the other mourned the loss of a life that never got to live. Both left people behind, wondering what if...
I used to be a very big church girl... But I cannot help but sit here, feeling minuscule, looking to the heavens wondering WHAT THE FUCK has HE been doing with himself? What is His explanation for all of this? The world is falling in ruins around us, and where is His help? I keep hearing that everything is going to go to hell on Earth probably within my life time. How can things have been soooo bad thousands of years ago that He had to supposedly flood the Earth and start fresh, when now we have home made bombs, nuclear weapons, children cluching guns to their chests while their mothers are being raped, world wide epidemics of killer diseases, genocides... the list is endless. And yet so many just go through life in an ignorant bubble. If He is supposed to transcend time and know what is going to happen then how could he have created man just to watch them self destruct? Oh yea, free will and all that bullshit.
Which brings me to a new quandary. How can people in our nation call themselves good Christians and yet try to strip people of their free will by creating laws to micromanage people's lives? Why should their be laws for us to wear seat belts and fines if we are caught doing so? Should it not be my choice if I want to use that extra safety measure? I'm not potentially hurting anyone but myself... there is no need to make a law about it. And does anyone else see that adding a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is wrong on so many levels? The Constitution was not created to hinder people's lives but to save them from the threat of an over-powering government... adding an amendment forbidding gay marriage would completely undermine it's existence, setting the framework for other frivolous actions in the future. And how can a person call themselves a good-freaking-Christian and yet take away people's free will? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY HURTING???? NO ONE. I would think we were finally at a time when people could stop being so damn insecure, and focus more on the betterment of humanity instead of the protection of our little ignorant damn bubbles.
Enough of that.