(no subject)
I feel foolish for allowing myself to believe in boy. A "nice boy" gosh do I hate "nice boys" they seem to be the best at breaking hearts and being oblivious or completely insensitive to what they're doing. It may not be a direct intention but that doesn't make it any better. I wonder what I do to deserve such a level of disrespect. I'm left in tears but I have to hide my tears because I barely know you but I'm such a compassionate person that I put in 50 times the amount of effort and emotion that you did. My favorite part wasn't the sex, or the awkward interactions we would have but it was in the morning when you would pull me in close, put your arm around me and make me laugh. There is a type of laughter that comes when produced by an attraction. It comes from deep within and it's nervous and silly and giggly... I hadn't felt that in a while, it was nice while it lasted. Maybe that's all you were to me, a giggle, a laugh, a whole hearted expression...who knows, you never let me in enough to know the answer. Maybe you're just not strong enough to handle what I have to offer. I'm trying to not make this my fault but it's so much easier to place a fault on my actions than yours. I know what my thoughts and butterflies were but no way of knowing if the feelings were reciprocated. Once again I may never know your thoughts...I guess I'll get used to this.
Adam. I miss you. There I said it. Not to you but at least it's out of my system. I'm not sure I can say exactly that I made a mistake in ending our relationship but the timing and the manner in which everything happened was wrong. I miss being in a loving relationship, I miss the good parts. I wish I could say everything to you but I'm not sure that would ever be possible. We've created this massive gap between us and it's seems as though it's too big to jump across and reach you. I'm sure you have no desire to contact me, you normally write off ex-girlfriends. I'm hoping for five minutes. Or maybe a conversation over text, just to say the things that have been on my mind, things that have been eating me up inside. I'm sorry. I miss you.
Adam. I miss you. There I said it. Not to you but at least it's out of my system. I'm not sure I can say exactly that I made a mistake in ending our relationship but the timing and the manner in which everything happened was wrong. I miss being in a loving relationship, I miss the good parts. I wish I could say everything to you but I'm not sure that would ever be possible. We've created this massive gap between us and it's seems as though it's too big to jump across and reach you. I'm sure you have no desire to contact me, you normally write off ex-girlfriends. I'm hoping for five minutes. Or maybe a conversation over text, just to say the things that have been on my mind, things that have been eating me up inside. I'm sorry. I miss you.