(no subject)
when i was in high school i was a loser for the most part.
then i got cooler.
now i'm back to being a freaking loser.
my sisters has been berating me for being a bore, an uptight bitch and whatever else comes under those horrid categories.
i cant help it that i'm always on edge and i'm not the first to jump at ideas of fun.
wtf. when did wanting to not do everything make you a bore.
this is so disheartening. these people are supposed to love me for who i am, and accept my boringness. but no. they want to tell my sister how terrible i am to hang out with and how they would rather me not accompany them because i get a little yell-y and uptight.
but there are reasons for that.
i'm the one my dad calls at random times in college and complains about his life, his money issues, my mother etc etc. he expects me to be the grown up he thinks i am and deal with all this bs that i know i cant handle. i'm the one who wants to cry everytime she talks to her own father because she WANTS TO STOP CARING but would feel like such a terrible person because of it.
i don't want to know so many things about my parents. but i do. i think about it all day, all night. i don't want to be uptight. i want to be carefree and be excited about clubbing and parties. but i cant! is that such a bad thing?!
maybe i am a wet blanket, but friends are supposed to help make you feel better when things are bad, not make you feel crappier about yourself.
i should really find more friends. friends who can do things other than party and drink and act like fucking morons. i want to have a proper conversation with someone.
i'm so upset that people think im uptight and no fun to hang out with.
my own sister!!!!!
both sisters to be more accurate.
if only i had the energy to fight with my mother when she calls ME to yell at me when we are late home. late because my sisters want to have fun and stay out for '5 more minutes'.
I HATE THE WORDS 5 MORE MINUTES!!
fuck that.
AGH!!!
i don't know wether to agree with what people say and get over my uptightness or just be the way i am!!!!
both are good options.
i don't know.
fuck this
jen
then i got cooler.
now i'm back to being a freaking loser.
my sisters has been berating me for being a bore, an uptight bitch and whatever else comes under those horrid categories.
i cant help it that i'm always on edge and i'm not the first to jump at ideas of fun.
wtf. when did wanting to not do everything make you a bore.
this is so disheartening. these people are supposed to love me for who i am, and accept my boringness. but no. they want to tell my sister how terrible i am to hang out with and how they would rather me not accompany them because i get a little yell-y and uptight.
but there are reasons for that.
i'm the one my dad calls at random times in college and complains about his life, his money issues, my mother etc etc. he expects me to be the grown up he thinks i am and deal with all this bs that i know i cant handle. i'm the one who wants to cry everytime she talks to her own father because she WANTS TO STOP CARING but would feel like such a terrible person because of it.
i don't want to know so many things about my parents. but i do. i think about it all day, all night. i don't want to be uptight. i want to be carefree and be excited about clubbing and parties. but i cant! is that such a bad thing?!
maybe i am a wet blanket, but friends are supposed to help make you feel better when things are bad, not make you feel crappier about yourself.
i should really find more friends. friends who can do things other than party and drink and act like fucking morons. i want to have a proper conversation with someone.
i'm so upset that people think im uptight and no fun to hang out with.
my own sister!!!!!
both sisters to be more accurate.
if only i had the energy to fight with my mother when she calls ME to yell at me when we are late home. late because my sisters want to have fun and stay out for '5 more minutes'.
I HATE THE WORDS 5 MORE MINUTES!!
fuck that.
AGH!!!
i don't know wether to agree with what people say and get over my uptightness or just be the way i am!!!!
both are good options.
i don't know.
fuck this
jen