Juno.....sigh....juno
well what can i say....i think im a sucker for love, because this is the most complicated relationship i think ive ever been in. Four years of everything, the most positive loving expieriences, some of the most depressing unnerving experiences and everything in between has occured in these four years. This is why all of this is so complicated. He broke my heart, i know this, he walked away, i also know this. But i know that the reasoning behind all of this is so strong that all i can do is understand. I do understand why we cant be together right now. I do understand we both need time to grow, and expand as humans. But what i dont understand is what we are now. Friday was amazing, in such a wierd way. Not only was it kristins Graduation but it was also the first time Daniel and I have hung out since he broke up with me a month before. Daniel was Kristins friend as well so kristin enjoyed him being there which was nice, but i enjoyed him being there too. We got to belton way too early. WAY TOO EARLY. around 2 we were there for a grad. that wasnt until 7:30. So what did we do, we went to the Temple mall (what fun!) But suprisingly it was fun. alot of fun. Daniel was the boy that he hasnt been in a long time. He was charming,loving, and sweet. He bought me dinner, and asked if i wanted to see a chick flick(very odd of daniel to do that) and we even took pics in a photo booth ( and when i realized that i didnt have enough ones, he went to get change.) this was just so sweet. At the end of the graduation my feet hurt from my shoes, and he went on to carry me to the car which was like a mile away. It was just so perfect.
Afterwards he offered to rent a movie and so we did....Juno of course....seen it with him 4 times, but this time was different. It was like he was the boyfriend i hadnt had for a while. so sweet. he rubbed my back. it was just what i had been dreaming of every night for the past month, but had to wake up from once morning came. Just to be with him again. This on the other hand wasnt a dream of which i had to wake, he was real, he was Daniel, he was mine for that short moment in time. Then he kissed me......then he apoligized......(scratch on a record) what?!? apoligize? why? he doesnt want to lead me on, he said, WHAT THE FUCK!!!! what is that???? what was the day??? what were those signs?
he said hes so confused and that he looks at me, and sees someone he cares about deeply and wants to be with, but he still needs the space that he requested to begin with. so what are we? are we together? i dont know, he told me he wants me to find someone else, to be happy with another boy if i can, because he cant be the man that i need right now. He doesnt want me to wait. But to be honest im a hopeless romantic, i am, i hate it but its true(Im still waiting for the day that someone tells me i complete them)I would wait for anyone, i would wait till forever to be with someone i loved. So this whole thing is unfair for him to say to me, someone who cant possibly forget about him. GRRRRRRR. i feel as angry as i do sad and im screwed.
he asked me at the end of the night, if i wanted to go bowling this upcoming week......i said yes....was this stupid of me?
Afterwards he offered to rent a movie and so we did....Juno of course....seen it with him 4 times, but this time was different. It was like he was the boyfriend i hadnt had for a while. so sweet. he rubbed my back. it was just what i had been dreaming of every night for the past month, but had to wake up from once morning came. Just to be with him again. This on the other hand wasnt a dream of which i had to wake, he was real, he was Daniel, he was mine for that short moment in time. Then he kissed me......then he apoligized......(scratch on a record) what?!? apoligize? why? he doesnt want to lead me on, he said, WHAT THE FUCK!!!! what is that???? what was the day??? what were those signs?
he said hes so confused and that he looks at me, and sees someone he cares about deeply and wants to be with, but he still needs the space that he requested to begin with. so what are we? are we together? i dont know, he told me he wants me to find someone else, to be happy with another boy if i can, because he cant be the man that i need right now. He doesnt want me to wait. But to be honest im a hopeless romantic, i am, i hate it but its true(Im still waiting for the day that someone tells me i complete them)I would wait for anyone, i would wait till forever to be with someone i loved. So this whole thing is unfair for him to say to me, someone who cant possibly forget about him. GRRRRRRR. i feel as angry as i do sad and im screwed.
he asked me at the end of the night, if i wanted to go bowling this upcoming week......i said yes....was this stupid of me?