Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing - 23/29
Title: Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as the Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22
Kris’s car sped along the road to Adam’s house. He pulled up outside the new gate, keyed in the code on the remote in his car, and entered as the gates slid open. He nodded at the security guard on duty as he jumped out of his car and ran to the door. Standing in front of the door he was caught with a flash of the last time this had happened; a scared phone call from Adam and a mad dash to get to him as soon as possible. The similarity was so powerful he stumbled. Catching himself he thanked god that unlike that night ten weeks ago he’d been a lot closer to his destination. This time it had only been quarter of an hour from the time of the call to his arrival at the house. However the fear was the same; if pushed Kris might even admit that the fear was actually greater. After all, now he knew how bad things could truly be. Before, that first time, he’d had his imagination but he had no point of reference. Now his mind knew what real fear was.
Adam had sounded so scared in his phone call that although Kris knew he was at home, Adam was always at home, he worried that when the door opened Adam wouldn’t be there.
Kris rang the buzzer and waited for it to be picked up.
“Hello?”
“Neil, it’s me.”
“Oh right, come in.”
The buzz sounded and Kris pushed the door open entering at a run. Neil met Kris in the hall, a bottle of beer in his hand, a smile on his face.
“To what do we owe the ple...”
“Where is he?”
Kris registered the shock on Neil’s face at his abrupt tone of voice. He took in the frown beginning to appear.
“Upstairs. He’s getting ready.”
Kris pushed past Neil and took the stairs two and a time.
“Kris, wait, what’s...what’s going on?”
Neil was following him, calling his questions as they ran to Adam’s bedroom. Kris pushed open the door and entered. Adam wasn’t there.
“Adam?”
Kris looked around the room but couldn’t see Adam anywhere. There was a pile of clothes on the bed which Kris recognised as one of Adam’s discarded outfit piles. Taking a quick glance in the walk in closet Kris made his way back out of the room.
“Kris?”
Kris ignored Neil as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning the handle Kris found that the door was locked.
“Adam? Adam! Open the door Adam.”
Kris listened for the sound of the door unlocking but heard nothing. He placed his ear against it in an attempt to hear something.
“Kris what’s...”
Kris held out his arm to quiet Neil’s question. In the silence he could hear breathing coming from the bathroom. Kris let out a small sigh of relief; at least he knew where Adam was.
“Kris what the fuck man?”
Kris turned to face Neil for the first time since entering the house and saw the genuine confusion and worry on his face.
“I got a phone call from Adam. He was freaking out and terrified so I came over.”
“But nothing’s happened. I’ve been here the entire time. It’s just us. Even Mom’s out with, well, your Mom.”
Kris couldn’t comprehend how Neil had been in the same house but didn’t know something was wrong. Adam had been so scared!
“Well something scared him!”
“There’s no one else here man. Honestly, you know I’d know if there was.”
Kris turned back to the door.
“Adam?”
Still no response.
“Kris what’s going on? He was fine. He was happily choosing his outfit for the night. He even got my opinion on one of his shirts.”
Kris froze for a second before violently spinning around to face Neil.
“Why was Adam choosing an outfit?”
“He’s going out. Him, Brad, Alisan, Danielle, Cassidy, Ferres, everyone. They’re all heading to some club or something.”
“What...you...why didn’t you tell me?”
“Did you want to go?”
“God, fucking no. Neil, you’re smarter than this! Shit!”
Kris turned back to the door and pressed against it. He knocked lightly on the door.
“Adam, Adam. Adam, it’s Kris. Please darlin’ open the door. It’s just me.”
Kris heard some movement behind the door but still it didn’t unlock. He leaned his forehead against the wood.
“Come on Adam, open the door. I know you can hear me but I want you to listen to me. You’re safe, you’re not alone...please unlock the door.”
A few moments later Kris was rewarded with the sound of a quiet click. He turned to Neil who nodded his agreement. Kris took a deep breath and slid into the room. He closed the door behind him.
The smell of the room was a little overpowering; a mixture of beer, hairspray and vomit. Looking around the room Kris saw a broken bottle of beer by the sink, its contents making the floor sticky as it dried. Adam was sat on the floor wedged between the toilet and the bath. His arms were wrapped around his knees which had been pulled close to his body. His head was resting on his knees facing away from Kris. He was visibly shaking.
Kris knelt in front of Adam but didn’t touch him.
“Adam? Adam it’s Kris.”
Adam turned his head so that he was looking at Kris. There were mascara trails running down his face but he was no longer crying. At least he had acknowledged his presence. That had to be a good sign.
“Hey there darlin’.
Kris smiled at Adam, he didn’t feel like smiling and he wasn’t sure how believable it was, but he needed to try and reassure his friend in some way.
“I threw up.”
Kris nearly missed the words, whispered as they were, but the misery in Adam’s eyes was clear.
“Well that’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”
Kris cautiously moved his hand to Adam’s knee. When Adam didn’t flinch away Kris moved closer. He sat so that he was leaning against the bathtub, almost penning Adam in but Adam didn’t seem to care.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really no.”
Kris sighed. Adam had refused to talk to anyone since the attack. He claimed he was dealing with it his own way but apart from the occasional day spent at Kris’s he had yet to leave the safety of his house. Kris only hoped that this episode had convinced Adam that perhaps he was less fine than he thought.
“Do you think that perhaps you should talk about it?”
Adam looked away from Kris.
“Probably.”
The smell in the bathroom was beginning to give Kris a headache so god knows what it was doing to Adam with his tendency for migraines. Maybe this was a conversation that would be better served elsewhere? But Adam didn’t look in any state to move at the moment so the beer covered bathroom floor would have to do.
“So?”
Kris watched as Adam lent his head back against the wall and ran a hand over his face. Adam was obviously working through something in his head and Kris wished he knew what it was, wished he could make this easier for him, but all he could do was wait. He tried not to stare as Adam chewed on his bottom lip, rolled his eyes, and shook his head at himself. There was an argument going on that Kris couldn’t hear, that he could only hope came out in his favour.
“I broke the bottle.”
Kris turned his head so that he was looking straight at Adam.
“Excuse me?”
“I broke the fucking beer bottle Neil left in here and the smell...and I was back in that alley. I moved my hand to pick up a tissue because I couldn’t put my makeup on correctly my hand was shaking so badly, I hit the bottle, it crashed to the floor, beer went everywhere and I...fuck I don’t know flashed back or some shit like that. I...I was meant to be going out tonight!”
“Did you want to?”
“Not even a little. But it’s good for me right? Can’t hold up in here forever. And everyone was going but, sorting through my clothes and finding an outfit and getting ready, it was all so familiar. I love that part of going out but this time it was familiar and I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I did all that. Me and Cass, just doing our thing. And then I knocked the bottle over and the smell, fuck the smell and I was there, I was there again and I was alone and I...and you...and...why are you here anyway?”
“You called me.”
“I did? When?”
Kris looked at his watch, had it really only been half an hour ago that he’d run out of dinner with Katy, jumped into his car, and raced over here?
“Thirty minutes ago.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I don’t remember doing that.”
“I’m glad you did.”
Kris felt something brush his legs and saw Adam’s hand. He was holding it out and Kris took it like the lifeline he knew it was.
“I think I should maybe talk to someone, a therapist or something. I think...I think maybe I need to.
“If you think it’s what you need to do then I think it’s a good idea.”
They sat in silence for a while before Adam started to move about.
“Shit the smell in here.”
“You want to move?”
“Please.”
Kris stood on unsteady legs and pulled Adam up with him. He started to pull them towards the door.
“Just a second.”
Adam reached over and flushed the toilet.
“That should get some of it. Neil can do the rest later, it was his fucking bottle after all.”
“Hey!”
Neil’s voice was muffled through the door and both Adam and Kris let out a small laugh at his protest. Kris was surprised he was still out there but Neil had been surprising him a lot over the past ten weeks.
Kris pulled the door open and led them out into the hall. Neil was sat on the ground opposite the door. He looked up at them, regret and sorrow in his eyes.
“Adam I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. I'd never have bought beer if I’d known.”
Adam pulled his hand out of Kris’s and knelt down in front of his brother. Neil looked away.
“Hey look at me, look at me runt.”
Adam used his hand to lift Neil’s chin so he was looking him in the eye.
“If I didn’t know that was going to happen there is no way you could have known. Not your fault.”
“But...”
“Not. Your. Fault. Got me?”
Kris saw Neil nod his head and Adam smile at him. It was still shaky but it was a start.
“Good.”
Adam stood back up and pulled Neil with him. Kris wondered how Adam had so quickly gone from needing the pull to giving it. He just didn’t know how Adam did it, how he kept going.
“Now I’d better call someone otherwise everyone will end up coming round here wondering where I am instead of going out. That’s it! I’m brilliant! Neil, clean the bathroom. Kris, call your beautiful wife and get her ass over here. We’ve got an Adam’s-still-not-ready-to-leave-the-house-but-wants-to-dance party to get up and running in the next hour.”
Kris found himself nodding along with Neil as they were ushered to do their assigned tasks. He watched as Adam grabbed his phone and dialled a number. It was only a few seconds before it was answered, Brad’s voice as clear through the line as it always was.
“Hey hun.
“Hey B. Listen, I can’t come out tonight. I really sorry.”
“Adam? Is everything okay?”
“Honestly? No it’s not. But it’s going to be. But I can’t go out tonight. I can however hold a party right here. What do you say?”
“Umm...”
“What is it Brad?”
“Nothing it’s nothing.”
“Bull and shit.”
“It’s...look, Cass turned up at mine earlier and I have no idea what he’s taken but he’s high as a fucking kite and maybe being round yours wouldn’t be the best thing for him or you right now. He’s already accidentally smashed my lamp with his overenthusiastic arm movements. Your shit costs a lot more than mine does.”
“Oh honey.”
“I know alright I know but I can’t just leave him like this. Fuck knows what’ll happen. But I will call everyone else and they will be there.”
“Take care of yourself okay.”
“Yeah yeah.”
“ Promise me Brad.”
“It’s Cass, Adam.”
“I know, but I just worry, about both of you. I’d be having the same conversation with him if this were the other way round.”
“No you wouldn’t but I appreciate the attempt at an ego boost. I’ll be round tomorrow.”
“I, I might be out tomorrow. You’d better make it the evening.”
“Out? As in somewhere not Kris’s?”
“As in.”
Kris could head Brad’s smile grow over the phone.
“I’ll bring take out. I’ll make sure everyone else turns up. Go get your party ready. Love you.”
“You too.”
Adam hung up the phone. Kris and Neil both waited for him to speak before moving. Adam looked up at them, the hint of sadness in his eyes quickly being replaced with resolution.
“Battle stations people, time's a wasting and there’s dancing to be done. Everything else, well for everything else there’s tomorrow.”
Part 24
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as the Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22
Kris’s car sped along the road to Adam’s house. He pulled up outside the new gate, keyed in the code on the remote in his car, and entered as the gates slid open. He nodded at the security guard on duty as he jumped out of his car and ran to the door. Standing in front of the door he was caught with a flash of the last time this had happened; a scared phone call from Adam and a mad dash to get to him as soon as possible. The similarity was so powerful he stumbled. Catching himself he thanked god that unlike that night ten weeks ago he’d been a lot closer to his destination. This time it had only been quarter of an hour from the time of the call to his arrival at the house. However the fear was the same; if pushed Kris might even admit that the fear was actually greater. After all, now he knew how bad things could truly be. Before, that first time, he’d had his imagination but he had no point of reference. Now his mind knew what real fear was.
Adam had sounded so scared in his phone call that although Kris knew he was at home, Adam was always at home, he worried that when the door opened Adam wouldn’t be there.
Kris rang the buzzer and waited for it to be picked up.
“Hello?”
“Neil, it’s me.”
“Oh right, come in.”
The buzz sounded and Kris pushed the door open entering at a run. Neil met Kris in the hall, a bottle of beer in his hand, a smile on his face.
“To what do we owe the ple...”
“Where is he?”
Kris registered the shock on Neil’s face at his abrupt tone of voice. He took in the frown beginning to appear.
“Upstairs. He’s getting ready.”
Kris pushed past Neil and took the stairs two and a time.
“Kris, wait, what’s...what’s going on?”
Neil was following him, calling his questions as they ran to Adam’s bedroom. Kris pushed open the door and entered. Adam wasn’t there.
“Adam?”
Kris looked around the room but couldn’t see Adam anywhere. There was a pile of clothes on the bed which Kris recognised as one of Adam’s discarded outfit piles. Taking a quick glance in the walk in closet Kris made his way back out of the room.
“Kris?”
Kris ignored Neil as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning the handle Kris found that the door was locked.
“Adam? Adam! Open the door Adam.”
Kris listened for the sound of the door unlocking but heard nothing. He placed his ear against it in an attempt to hear something.
“Kris what’s...”
Kris held out his arm to quiet Neil’s question. In the silence he could hear breathing coming from the bathroom. Kris let out a small sigh of relief; at least he knew where Adam was.
“Kris what the fuck man?”
Kris turned to face Neil for the first time since entering the house and saw the genuine confusion and worry on his face.
“I got a phone call from Adam. He was freaking out and terrified so I came over.”
“But nothing’s happened. I’ve been here the entire time. It’s just us. Even Mom’s out with, well, your Mom.”
Kris couldn’t comprehend how Neil had been in the same house but didn’t know something was wrong. Adam had been so scared!
“Well something scared him!”
“There’s no one else here man. Honestly, you know I’d know if there was.”
Kris turned back to the door.
“Adam?”
Still no response.
“Kris what’s going on? He was fine. He was happily choosing his outfit for the night. He even got my opinion on one of his shirts.”
Kris froze for a second before violently spinning around to face Neil.
“Why was Adam choosing an outfit?”
“He’s going out. Him, Brad, Alisan, Danielle, Cassidy, Ferres, everyone. They’re all heading to some club or something.”
“What...you...why didn’t you tell me?”
“Did you want to go?”
“God, fucking no. Neil, you’re smarter than this! Shit!”
Kris turned back to the door and pressed against it. He knocked lightly on the door.
“Adam, Adam. Adam, it’s Kris. Please darlin’ open the door. It’s just me.”
Kris heard some movement behind the door but still it didn’t unlock. He leaned his forehead against the wood.
“Come on Adam, open the door. I know you can hear me but I want you to listen to me. You’re safe, you’re not alone...please unlock the door.”
A few moments later Kris was rewarded with the sound of a quiet click. He turned to Neil who nodded his agreement. Kris took a deep breath and slid into the room. He closed the door behind him.
The smell of the room was a little overpowering; a mixture of beer, hairspray and vomit. Looking around the room Kris saw a broken bottle of beer by the sink, its contents making the floor sticky as it dried. Adam was sat on the floor wedged between the toilet and the bath. His arms were wrapped around his knees which had been pulled close to his body. His head was resting on his knees facing away from Kris. He was visibly shaking.
Kris knelt in front of Adam but didn’t touch him.
“Adam? Adam it’s Kris.”
Adam turned his head so that he was looking at Kris. There were mascara trails running down his face but he was no longer crying. At least he had acknowledged his presence. That had to be a good sign.
“Hey there darlin’.
Kris smiled at Adam, he didn’t feel like smiling and he wasn’t sure how believable it was, but he needed to try and reassure his friend in some way.
“I threw up.”
Kris nearly missed the words, whispered as they were, but the misery in Adam’s eyes was clear.
“Well that’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”
Kris cautiously moved his hand to Adam’s knee. When Adam didn’t flinch away Kris moved closer. He sat so that he was leaning against the bathtub, almost penning Adam in but Adam didn’t seem to care.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really no.”
Kris sighed. Adam had refused to talk to anyone since the attack. He claimed he was dealing with it his own way but apart from the occasional day spent at Kris’s he had yet to leave the safety of his house. Kris only hoped that this episode had convinced Adam that perhaps he was less fine than he thought.
“Do you think that perhaps you should talk about it?”
Adam looked away from Kris.
“Probably.”
The smell in the bathroom was beginning to give Kris a headache so god knows what it was doing to Adam with his tendency for migraines. Maybe this was a conversation that would be better served elsewhere? But Adam didn’t look in any state to move at the moment so the beer covered bathroom floor would have to do.
“So?”
Kris watched as Adam lent his head back against the wall and ran a hand over his face. Adam was obviously working through something in his head and Kris wished he knew what it was, wished he could make this easier for him, but all he could do was wait. He tried not to stare as Adam chewed on his bottom lip, rolled his eyes, and shook his head at himself. There was an argument going on that Kris couldn’t hear, that he could only hope came out in his favour.
“I broke the bottle.”
Kris turned his head so that he was looking straight at Adam.
“Excuse me?”
“I broke the fucking beer bottle Neil left in here and the smell...and I was back in that alley. I moved my hand to pick up a tissue because I couldn’t put my makeup on correctly my hand was shaking so badly, I hit the bottle, it crashed to the floor, beer went everywhere and I...fuck I don’t know flashed back or some shit like that. I...I was meant to be going out tonight!”
“Did you want to?”
“Not even a little. But it’s good for me right? Can’t hold up in here forever. And everyone was going but, sorting through my clothes and finding an outfit and getting ready, it was all so familiar. I love that part of going out but this time it was familiar and I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I did all that. Me and Cass, just doing our thing. And then I knocked the bottle over and the smell, fuck the smell and I was there, I was there again and I was alone and I...and you...and...why are you here anyway?”
“You called me.”
“I did? When?”
Kris looked at his watch, had it really only been half an hour ago that he’d run out of dinner with Katy, jumped into his car, and raced over here?
“Thirty minutes ago.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I don’t remember doing that.”
“I’m glad you did.”
Kris felt something brush his legs and saw Adam’s hand. He was holding it out and Kris took it like the lifeline he knew it was.
“I think I should maybe talk to someone, a therapist or something. I think...I think maybe I need to.
“If you think it’s what you need to do then I think it’s a good idea.”
They sat in silence for a while before Adam started to move about.
“Shit the smell in here.”
“You want to move?”
“Please.”
Kris stood on unsteady legs and pulled Adam up with him. He started to pull them towards the door.
“Just a second.”
Adam reached over and flushed the toilet.
“That should get some of it. Neil can do the rest later, it was his fucking bottle after all.”
“Hey!”
Neil’s voice was muffled through the door and both Adam and Kris let out a small laugh at his protest. Kris was surprised he was still out there but Neil had been surprising him a lot over the past ten weeks.
Kris pulled the door open and led them out into the hall. Neil was sat on the ground opposite the door. He looked up at them, regret and sorrow in his eyes.
“Adam I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. I'd never have bought beer if I’d known.”
Adam pulled his hand out of Kris’s and knelt down in front of his brother. Neil looked away.
“Hey look at me, look at me runt.”
Adam used his hand to lift Neil’s chin so he was looking him in the eye.
“If I didn’t know that was going to happen there is no way you could have known. Not your fault.”
“But...”
“Not. Your. Fault. Got me?”
Kris saw Neil nod his head and Adam smile at him. It was still shaky but it was a start.
“Good.”
Adam stood back up and pulled Neil with him. Kris wondered how Adam had so quickly gone from needing the pull to giving it. He just didn’t know how Adam did it, how he kept going.
“Now I’d better call someone otherwise everyone will end up coming round here wondering where I am instead of going out. That’s it! I’m brilliant! Neil, clean the bathroom. Kris, call your beautiful wife and get her ass over here. We’ve got an Adam’s-still-not-ready-to-leave-the-house-but-wants-to-dance party to get up and running in the next hour.”
Kris found himself nodding along with Neil as they were ushered to do their assigned tasks. He watched as Adam grabbed his phone and dialled a number. It was only a few seconds before it was answered, Brad’s voice as clear through the line as it always was.
“Hey hun.
“Hey B. Listen, I can’t come out tonight. I really sorry.”
“Adam? Is everything okay?”
“Honestly? No it’s not. But it’s going to be. But I can’t go out tonight. I can however hold a party right here. What do you say?”
“Umm...”
“What is it Brad?”
“Nothing it’s nothing.”
“Bull and shit.”
“It’s...look, Cass turned up at mine earlier and I have no idea what he’s taken but he’s high as a fucking kite and maybe being round yours wouldn’t be the best thing for him or you right now. He’s already accidentally smashed my lamp with his overenthusiastic arm movements. Your shit costs a lot more than mine does.”
“Oh honey.”
“I know alright I know but I can’t just leave him like this. Fuck knows what’ll happen. But I will call everyone else and they will be there.”
“Take care of yourself okay.”
“Yeah yeah.”
“ Promise me Brad.”
“It’s Cass, Adam.”
“I know, but I just worry, about both of you. I’d be having the same conversation with him if this were the other way round.”
“No you wouldn’t but I appreciate the attempt at an ego boost. I’ll be round tomorrow.”
“I, I might be out tomorrow. You’d better make it the evening.”
“Out? As in somewhere not Kris’s?”
“As in.”
Kris could head Brad’s smile grow over the phone.
“I’ll bring take out. I’ll make sure everyone else turns up. Go get your party ready. Love you.”
“You too.”
Adam hung up the phone. Kris and Neil both waited for him to speak before moving. Adam looked up at them, the hint of sadness in his eyes quickly being replaced with resolution.
“Battle stations people, time's a wasting and there’s dancing to be done. Everything else, well for everything else there’s tomorrow.”
Part 24