just_1_word | 12.6. Truth
12.6. Truth
Co-written with asinthecity | Set Christmas Day
[Set after THIS]
Riley was just stunned, as everyone was. Tara announcing to the whole table at Christmas dinner that her waters had just broken was the last thing anyone would have expected on the day. No one had seen the signs, even though in hindsight they were clearly there. In hindsight, Riley himself could see them as clear as day being an ER doctor. The nesting was neither here nor there; an expectant mother could do that for weeks in advance of the birth. But Tara's bump had dropped a little, obviously indicating the baby engaging to ready for the birth. Then there was the stomach upsets, being a common thing for a woman's system to try and cleanse itself to prepare for the hard work of birth. The backache and 'indigestion' Tara had professed to have earlier in the day probably would have been warning bells normally, but she was six weeks early so in the Christmas festivities, it just went right over everyone's head. The father included. Riley knew if he was stunned, Lachlan must be completely numb. Riley couldn't, for the life of him, begin to even imagine how he would feel being in Lachlan's shoes right now... but it didn't stop him thinking about being there.
He paced back and forth in front of the watercooler in the Maternity ward waiting room. Just about everyone at Christmas had reflexively come to the hospital for the wait, everyone sparking to hear news of the new addition when he or she arrived. Because Tara and Lachlan (plus Chase and Riley) were doctors on the staff there, no one made any attempt to ask the large group to leave. Plus, it was Christmas. Rules could be bent at Christmas. No news had come yet and in fact very little was known beyond the fact Tara was well and truly in labour. Lachlan hadn't been seen since he disappeared into the ward with his wife earlier. Understandable that he didn't want to leave her side. Not far from anyone's thoughts was how risky an early birth could be, especially with Tara's already dicey prenatal history and the fact this was going to be the only Baby Brennan-Campbell. Everyone was praying the birth went without a hitch.
Riley's thoughts were well and truly on his his godson or goddaughter to be. So soon and so unexpected, but exciting. He found himself smiling a little in anticipation, trying to imagine the look on Lachlan's face when he saw his baby for the first time. No one could really know the feeling until they lived it, but Riley tried, and he put his hand on his heart and rubbed it a little as an small ache made itself known. Indigestion from the huge Christmas dinner. That's all it was...
Tab had been watching her brother since they'd arrived at the hospital and only she knew what that touch to his heart was. She wasn't his twin for no reason. Her attention had been on her other half because Riley would be concerned for his best friend, and future Godchild, and because a family was still something he wanted no matter how much he was trying to just live in the now.
Tab remembered a conversation they'd had when they were thirteen after watching some heavily cheese-laden family Christmas special on TV in their room while the parents had been boozing it up with the other adults at their party. They'd been talking about the future and the things they'd wanted. She'd stuck to her rock star dream, with no talk of a boyfriend or husband, but Riley had been pretty set on his idea of a family, and even a white picket fence. They'd been in America for all of a year, but already he was embracing the perfect suburban life.
Now she looked at him and wondered how life had changed for them so much. They were now both settling down, and Riley had HIV. Kids was something that didn't come into his mind without a lot of pain, she knew that. And yet she didn't actually want him to give up on that dream completely. She wanted him to keep having hope, because if Tab wanted for anything for Riley it was that he would be a father and she'd get to be a cool aunt.
With a kiss to his cheek, Tab let go of Luke's hand and went over to her twin. She slipped her arm over his shoulder as she perched on the rest between Riley's seat and the empty one beside it. "Whatcha thinking, beanpole?"
Riley blinked out of his daydream and dropped his hand from his mouth. He would be lucky to have any nails left by the time this was all over. He looked up at her, his forehead creasing a little. "Oh... nothing really. Just hoping everything goes okay for them. Lachlan looked about ready to have a coronary and Tara about ready to give him one free of charge. It's a bit of a big deal with the babe this premature." He cleared his throat and pulled his lips to the side. "By this time tomorrow, likely, everything will have changed. Big changes."
"Six weeks does seem like a lot. Does the baby have to go in one of those incubator thingies?" Tab's eyebrows rose, she wasn't ready to call him on her suspicions and he probably didn't want to be dragged down just yet. It was enough worrying about Lachlan and Tara. "Are we still talking about the baby?"
Riley nodded slowly. "Probably. Tara's bump wasn't very big, even if she probably felt huge. She wasn't. She was actually very small and now she's delivering early, the baby will be small, but hopefully good enough genes to be healthy." What he really wanted was a smoke but he felt like if he went out to have one, he would miss something. "Yeah, of course. I mean, they're about to be parents. That's... massive. There are no words. If they weren't so busy packing it about the birth, they would likely be shitting themselves about having the whole parenthood thrust on them sooner than expected..." He paused and peered up at her again. "What else would we be talking about?"
Tab pressed a kiss to his forehead as she smirked. "Nothing, Big Bro. I just thought maybe you were thinking about your own family. They're going to have plenty of help with the parenthood deal. They've got you, Evie, Pat and Aiden by phone, Rogue and Chase nearby and us in New York. I don't know what me and Luke could do, but we're doing okay with the babysitting thing. I'm kind of getting used to being around babies. Although the idea of pushing one out is still as scary as fuck."
Riley smirked. "The babysitting is probably the last thing they're thinking about, squirt. It's the feeding, the diapers, the fevers, teaching right from wrong, making sure the kid doesn't eat bugs or draw on the walls, hoping there are ten fingers and ten toes, that the lungs are working okay, that the baby will feed okay, that there are no illnesses or ailments, knowing what the crying is, listening to the crying without crying themselves, waking every four hours for feeding..." He trailed off and drew a small breath to let it out slowly. "Things no one can really help them with but that come with the package of being a Mum or Dad. Pushing one out is... something that seems worth it when it's all over, I'm told, but it's only the beginning."
"Would Evie mind pushing one out? You know, if it did ever happen..." Tab scrunched up her face and turned briefly to look in the direction of where they'd taken Tara. "Holy shit... I don't ever want that kind of pressure. I mean... I probably would. But not for a long time."
Riley looked at the doors and nodded. "But that's what being a parent is. The little baby needs you for everything, no matter what, and you have to think of all of that all at once, even the things that don't matter right then at any one moment." He looked over to where Evie was talking to Jules and cleared his throat. "If she does, then it won't be me she's pushing for."
"I think Dad would have been the worrier in our family, but even he gave up after a while. Mother Superior seemed to have wanted to hand over responsibility to someone else. I'm still surprised she never got a nanny." Tab frowned as she looked at Riley. "You've given up on the whole sperm bath thing?"
Riley rubbed at his lips when the conversation turned to their parents again. He didn't actually think his mother and father did too bad a job in their early days. It was when Riley and Tab started veering towards their teens that they seemed to totally drop the ball. "Probably couldn't afford a nanny," he murmured. "I wasn't ever on it. It's not even a fully supported medical procedure. It's considered a medical trial, meaning there isn't ever going to be 100% guarantees." He dropped his head back against the back of the chair and looked up at the ceiling. "What we want and what we get are two very different things."
Tab leaned over him so he was looking at her again. Maybe Riley would be right in thinking that their parents hadn't done to bad a job, and she was getting better at letting things go. It was just spending time with Nana Campbell brought her issues with her mum back up to the surface. She blew a breath out to the side to let it all go again, and focused on her brother. "Maybe it sucks right now... but maybe what you get will be better. I just want you happy, beanpole. It's what I've always wanted. Why do you think I got you your very own Guitar Hero?"
Riley snorted with a laugh. "I suck at Guitar Hero. Lachlan wanted to thump me with the plastic guitar. But at least I can practice." He pushed his fingers through his hair and scratched his head. "It's bringing it all home," he admitted quietly. "I mean, fuck. Lachlan is going to be a dad... within hours. My best mate is going to be a dad with a tiny baby all of his own that he helped to create. My best mate that always seemed to be the one most likely to end up in prison for indecent exposure. He used to tease me about getting someone pregnant. About getting Beth pregnant..." He couldn't help but look over at Beth and Keiran now, but he looked away soon after.
"No, you just have too much fun and it makes you revert to hip thrusts instead of concentrating," Tab laughed. She'd been able to spoil everyone this year at Christmas. However the most spoiling had gone on her brother. There was still one more surprise she had to give him, but it could wait. "Do you want to be a dad? You said there were ways around it, but maybe you just need to be pushed far enough to even consider them seriously."
"Pushed far enough into what? More risks? I never once said I didn't want to be a dad anymore. That's not something you can just switch off. I want it so much it hurts. I looked at Lachlan this afternoon and I didn't feel jealousy or envy, I just feel a gaping hole of loss that makes me want to be a really great godfather. I feel scared for him and just keep wondering what it would feel like to be in his shoes, but it's fantasy land. I don't think it can ever happen for me," Riley said. "No matter how much I want it."
Tab squeezed her eyes closed as she took a shuddering breath. Maybe her and Riley's connection wasn't as fine-tuned as Pat and Cam's, but now that he'd voiced it, she could feel an ache in her heart that echoed his. Tab slipped down into Riley's lap and hugged him tight. "I'd help you get it if I knew how. I'm just... I'm sorry I brought it up. I want you to be a father so badly. I want to be the cool aunt to your kid! I want to see you love your kid the way I know you can. I guess I'll just have to settle for being an aunt-godparent."
"But that's not so bad, right?" Riley asked hopefully. "Lachlan's blood, you'll be guaranteed to have a god-niece or god-nephew who can make a good attempt to kick your butt on the guitar. I-I wish it didn't matter to me so much that any family I had was my own... my own genes and blood, but it does. A donor... adoption... I don't think it's for me."
"If I was capable of producing sperm for you I would," Tab whispered as she kissed his cheek. "And no, it's not so bad. I'll be happy with a Campbell being my god-niece, or god-nephew. I even got them a little AC/DC t-shirt to match mine." Well, it was Luke's, but hers now.
Riley let out a slow breath and rubbed his fingers under his eyes. They were stinging and he wished he had his glasses on instead of his contacts. "It'll be fine. We survived Christmas, we can survive anything."
"You and me against the world, Big Bro," Tab replied as she rest her head on his shoulder.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,286
Co-written with asinthecity | Set Christmas Day
[Set after THIS]
Riley was just stunned, as everyone was. Tara announcing to the whole table at Christmas dinner that her waters had just broken was the last thing anyone would have expected on the day. No one had seen the signs, even though in hindsight they were clearly there. In hindsight, Riley himself could see them as clear as day being an ER doctor. The nesting was neither here nor there; an expectant mother could do that for weeks in advance of the birth. But Tara's bump had dropped a little, obviously indicating the baby engaging to ready for the birth. Then there was the stomach upsets, being a common thing for a woman's system to try and cleanse itself to prepare for the hard work of birth. The backache and 'indigestion' Tara had professed to have earlier in the day probably would have been warning bells normally, but she was six weeks early so in the Christmas festivities, it just went right over everyone's head. The father included. Riley knew if he was stunned, Lachlan must be completely numb. Riley couldn't, for the life of him, begin to even imagine how he would feel being in Lachlan's shoes right now... but it didn't stop him thinking about being there.
He paced back and forth in front of the watercooler in the Maternity ward waiting room. Just about everyone at Christmas had reflexively come to the hospital for the wait, everyone sparking to hear news of the new addition when he or she arrived. Because Tara and Lachlan (plus Chase and Riley) were doctors on the staff there, no one made any attempt to ask the large group to leave. Plus, it was Christmas. Rules could be bent at Christmas. No news had come yet and in fact very little was known beyond the fact Tara was well and truly in labour. Lachlan hadn't been seen since he disappeared into the ward with his wife earlier. Understandable that he didn't want to leave her side. Not far from anyone's thoughts was how risky an early birth could be, especially with Tara's already dicey prenatal history and the fact this was going to be the only Baby Brennan-Campbell. Everyone was praying the birth went without a hitch.
Riley's thoughts were well and truly on his his godson or goddaughter to be. So soon and so unexpected, but exciting. He found himself smiling a little in anticipation, trying to imagine the look on Lachlan's face when he saw his baby for the first time. No one could really know the feeling until they lived it, but Riley tried, and he put his hand on his heart and rubbed it a little as an small ache made itself known. Indigestion from the huge Christmas dinner. That's all it was...
Tab had been watching her brother since they'd arrived at the hospital and only she knew what that touch to his heart was. She wasn't his twin for no reason. Her attention had been on her other half because Riley would be concerned for his best friend, and future Godchild, and because a family was still something he wanted no matter how much he was trying to just live in the now.
Tab remembered a conversation they'd had when they were thirteen after watching some heavily cheese-laden family Christmas special on TV in their room while the parents had been boozing it up with the other adults at their party. They'd been talking about the future and the things they'd wanted. She'd stuck to her rock star dream, with no talk of a boyfriend or husband, but Riley had been pretty set on his idea of a family, and even a white picket fence. They'd been in America for all of a year, but already he was embracing the perfect suburban life.
Now she looked at him and wondered how life had changed for them so much. They were now both settling down, and Riley had HIV. Kids was something that didn't come into his mind without a lot of pain, she knew that. And yet she didn't actually want him to give up on that dream completely. She wanted him to keep having hope, because if Tab wanted for anything for Riley it was that he would be a father and she'd get to be a cool aunt.
With a kiss to his cheek, Tab let go of Luke's hand and went over to her twin. She slipped her arm over his shoulder as she perched on the rest between Riley's seat and the empty one beside it. "Whatcha thinking, beanpole?"
Riley blinked out of his daydream and dropped his hand from his mouth. He would be lucky to have any nails left by the time this was all over. He looked up at her, his forehead creasing a little. "Oh... nothing really. Just hoping everything goes okay for them. Lachlan looked about ready to have a coronary and Tara about ready to give him one free of charge. It's a bit of a big deal with the babe this premature." He cleared his throat and pulled his lips to the side. "By this time tomorrow, likely, everything will have changed. Big changes."
"Six weeks does seem like a lot. Does the baby have to go in one of those incubator thingies?" Tab's eyebrows rose, she wasn't ready to call him on her suspicions and he probably didn't want to be dragged down just yet. It was enough worrying about Lachlan and Tara. "Are we still talking about the baby?"
Riley nodded slowly. "Probably. Tara's bump wasn't very big, even if she probably felt huge. She wasn't. She was actually very small and now she's delivering early, the baby will be small, but hopefully good enough genes to be healthy." What he really wanted was a smoke but he felt like if he went out to have one, he would miss something. "Yeah, of course. I mean, they're about to be parents. That's... massive. There are no words. If they weren't so busy packing it about the birth, they would likely be shitting themselves about having the whole parenthood thrust on them sooner than expected..." He paused and peered up at her again. "What else would we be talking about?"
Tab pressed a kiss to his forehead as she smirked. "Nothing, Big Bro. I just thought maybe you were thinking about your own family. They're going to have plenty of help with the parenthood deal. They've got you, Evie, Pat and Aiden by phone, Rogue and Chase nearby and us in New York. I don't know what me and Luke could do, but we're doing okay with the babysitting thing. I'm kind of getting used to being around babies. Although the idea of pushing one out is still as scary as fuck."
Riley smirked. "The babysitting is probably the last thing they're thinking about, squirt. It's the feeding, the diapers, the fevers, teaching right from wrong, making sure the kid doesn't eat bugs or draw on the walls, hoping there are ten fingers and ten toes, that the lungs are working okay, that the baby will feed okay, that there are no illnesses or ailments, knowing what the crying is, listening to the crying without crying themselves, waking every four hours for feeding..." He trailed off and drew a small breath to let it out slowly. "Things no one can really help them with but that come with the package of being a Mum or Dad. Pushing one out is... something that seems worth it when it's all over, I'm told, but it's only the beginning."
"Would Evie mind pushing one out? You know, if it did ever happen..." Tab scrunched up her face and turned briefly to look in the direction of where they'd taken Tara. "Holy shit... I don't ever want that kind of pressure. I mean... I probably would. But not for a long time."
Riley looked at the doors and nodded. "But that's what being a parent is. The little baby needs you for everything, no matter what, and you have to think of all of that all at once, even the things that don't matter right then at any one moment." He looked over to where Evie was talking to Jules and cleared his throat. "If she does, then it won't be me she's pushing for."
"I think Dad would have been the worrier in our family, but even he gave up after a while. Mother Superior seemed to have wanted to hand over responsibility to someone else. I'm still surprised she never got a nanny." Tab frowned as she looked at Riley. "You've given up on the whole sperm bath thing?"
Riley rubbed at his lips when the conversation turned to their parents again. He didn't actually think his mother and father did too bad a job in their early days. It was when Riley and Tab started veering towards their teens that they seemed to totally drop the ball. "Probably couldn't afford a nanny," he murmured. "I wasn't ever on it. It's not even a fully supported medical procedure. It's considered a medical trial, meaning there isn't ever going to be 100% guarantees." He dropped his head back against the back of the chair and looked up at the ceiling. "What we want and what we get are two very different things."
Tab leaned over him so he was looking at her again. Maybe Riley would be right in thinking that their parents hadn't done to bad a job, and she was getting better at letting things go. It was just spending time with Nana Campbell brought her issues with her mum back up to the surface. She blew a breath out to the side to let it all go again, and focused on her brother. "Maybe it sucks right now... but maybe what you get will be better. I just want you happy, beanpole. It's what I've always wanted. Why do you think I got you your very own Guitar Hero?"
Riley snorted with a laugh. "I suck at Guitar Hero. Lachlan wanted to thump me with the plastic guitar. But at least I can practice." He pushed his fingers through his hair and scratched his head. "It's bringing it all home," he admitted quietly. "I mean, fuck. Lachlan is going to be a dad... within hours. My best mate is going to be a dad with a tiny baby all of his own that he helped to create. My best mate that always seemed to be the one most likely to end up in prison for indecent exposure. He used to tease me about getting someone pregnant. About getting Beth pregnant..." He couldn't help but look over at Beth and Keiran now, but he looked away soon after.
"No, you just have too much fun and it makes you revert to hip thrusts instead of concentrating," Tab laughed. She'd been able to spoil everyone this year at Christmas. However the most spoiling had gone on her brother. There was still one more surprise she had to give him, but it could wait. "Do you want to be a dad? You said there were ways around it, but maybe you just need to be pushed far enough to even consider them seriously."
"Pushed far enough into what? More risks? I never once said I didn't want to be a dad anymore. That's not something you can just switch off. I want it so much it hurts. I looked at Lachlan this afternoon and I didn't feel jealousy or envy, I just feel a gaping hole of loss that makes me want to be a really great godfather. I feel scared for him and just keep wondering what it would feel like to be in his shoes, but it's fantasy land. I don't think it can ever happen for me," Riley said. "No matter how much I want it."
Tab squeezed her eyes closed as she took a shuddering breath. Maybe her and Riley's connection wasn't as fine-tuned as Pat and Cam's, but now that he'd voiced it, she could feel an ache in her heart that echoed his. Tab slipped down into Riley's lap and hugged him tight. "I'd help you get it if I knew how. I'm just... I'm sorry I brought it up. I want you to be a father so badly. I want to be the cool aunt to your kid! I want to see you love your kid the way I know you can. I guess I'll just have to settle for being an aunt-godparent."
"But that's not so bad, right?" Riley asked hopefully. "Lachlan's blood, you'll be guaranteed to have a god-niece or god-nephew who can make a good attempt to kick your butt on the guitar. I-I wish it didn't matter to me so much that any family I had was my own... my own genes and blood, but it does. A donor... adoption... I don't think it's for me."
"If I was capable of producing sperm for you I would," Tab whispered as she kissed his cheek. "And no, it's not so bad. I'll be happy with a Campbell being my god-niece, or god-nephew. I even got them a little AC/DC t-shirt to match mine." Well, it was Luke's, but hers now.
Riley let out a slow breath and rubbed his fingers under his eyes. They were stinging and he wished he had his glasses on instead of his contacts. "It'll be fine. We survived Christmas, we can survive anything."
"You and me against the world, Big Bro," Tab replied as she rest her head on his shoulder.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,286