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Ladies and gents, what an auspicious day today, August 13th, is. Know why? Twas' upon this very day, 365 and a quarter days ago, a certain Mr JHD Orlin of The Northern Suburbs Of Joburg, Joburg, Sefrica, having departed for shores a-foreign some hours before, arrived in Taiwanarnia, a small poop-shaped island just off the coast of Imperial China.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has occurred. I have officially reached the 1-year landmark of what is now officially known as The Paulo Coehlo-Approved Journey To Discover What The Fuck This Whole Life Business Is All About (copyright reserved 2006 through till the next Harmonic Convergence). Suddenly, I feel all reflecty and looking-backish about life. Let's summarise. In the last year, I have:
1) Met Scotsmen, Englishmen, Welshmen (just the one actually), Irish folk, more Canadians than I ever thought possible, more Americans than should legally be possible, Aussie Aussie Aussies, Kiwis, Frenchies etc. Oh yeah, and Taiwanese. I'm a culturally diverse little so-and-so now!
2) I have partaken of such ancient Taiwanese cultural expressions as Going To The Nightmarket, Singing Rather Badly At Karaoke, Going To The Water Park At Bali Island On A Sunday Afternoon With The Entire Family In Toe, Eating Strange-Looking Funghi That Look Like Vegetables, Eating Strange-Looking Vegetables That Look Like Funghi, Trying To Understand The Bus System and Narrowly Avoiding Getting Hit By A Scooter.
3) Explored the island from top to toe, probably more extensively than I've explored my own Motherland. I shall remedy this egregious oversight upon my return to said Motherland when and such the time for such an eventuous occurrence occurs. Or something. I've also spent 4 magnificent days temple-whoring (and writing long emails which no-one read) in Cambodia.
4) Taught aspects of my Mother-tongue I never previously never known existed. I've also taught aspects of my own 'First-Language Language What I Do Can Speak Very Good' (ie Eng-a-lee-shee, as it's better known in Taiwanarnia) that I could neither comprehend nor teach. Don't ask how. I've learnt that 'bullshit baffles brains' can be a wonderful teacher's motto.
5) I've learnt enormously practical Chinese, such as 'watermelon slush', 'pineapple juice', 'fried pork schnitzel with rice and veggies', 'green onion pancake' and 'I don't understand what you're saying', but still haven't the foggiest clue how to ask where the bathroom is.
6) Eaten such things as I hope not even my mortal enemies should ever have to go near with a pair of chopsticks and a goofy grin. And drunk things which should never ever have been mixed with milk. Who's the fussy little fusspants eater now, huh?!?!
So, on this, my Taiwanese anniversary, I'd like everyone who reads this massively personal communique to send me presents, good tidings, high-fives, mazeltovs and some Mrs Ball Chutney.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has occurred. I have officially reached the 1-year landmark of what is now officially known as The Paulo Coehlo-Approved Journey To Discover What The Fuck This Whole Life Business Is All About (copyright reserved 2006 through till the next Harmonic Convergence). Suddenly, I feel all reflecty and looking-backish about life. Let's summarise. In the last year, I have:
1) Met Scotsmen, Englishmen, Welshmen (just the one actually), Irish folk, more Canadians than I ever thought possible, more Americans than should legally be possible, Aussie Aussie Aussies, Kiwis, Frenchies etc. Oh yeah, and Taiwanese. I'm a culturally diverse little so-and-so now!
2) I have partaken of such ancient Taiwanese cultural expressions as Going To The Nightmarket, Singing Rather Badly At Karaoke, Going To The Water Park At Bali Island On A Sunday Afternoon With The Entire Family In Toe, Eating Strange-Looking Funghi That Look Like Vegetables, Eating Strange-Looking Vegetables That Look Like Funghi, Trying To Understand The Bus System and Narrowly Avoiding Getting Hit By A Scooter.
3) Explored the island from top to toe, probably more extensively than I've explored my own Motherland. I shall remedy this egregious oversight upon my return to said Motherland when and such the time for such an eventuous occurrence occurs. Or something. I've also spent 4 magnificent days temple-whoring (and writing long emails which no-one read) in Cambodia.
4) Taught aspects of my Mother-tongue I never previously never known existed. I've also taught aspects of my own 'First-Language Language What I Do Can Speak Very Good' (ie Eng-a-lee-shee, as it's better known in Taiwanarnia) that I could neither comprehend nor teach. Don't ask how. I've learnt that 'bullshit baffles brains' can be a wonderful teacher's motto.
5) I've learnt enormously practical Chinese, such as 'watermelon slush', 'pineapple juice', 'fried pork schnitzel with rice and veggies', 'green onion pancake' and 'I don't understand what you're saying', but still haven't the foggiest clue how to ask where the bathroom is.
6) Eaten such things as I hope not even my mortal enemies should ever have to go near with a pair of chopsticks and a goofy grin. And drunk things which should never ever have been mixed with milk. Who's the fussy little fusspants eater now, huh?!?!
So, on this, my Taiwanese anniversary, I'd like everyone who reads this massively personal communique to send me presents, good tidings, high-fives, mazeltovs and some Mrs Ball Chutney.