Back In Arizona and still not completely happy...

[pukooh]

Well we moved back to Arizona recently. things are rough right now. I have made many mistakes in my life and alot of them seem to be catching up to me right about now. I am sincerly regretful for most things I have wrongly done. But unfortunately that doesn't always clear things up. I am currently in one of the weirdest moods I have ever been in. There are things that are going right and other things that are just going horribly wrong. I have a decent job, I just rented a pretty decent apartment, and I am no longer in Las Vegas. However things are also horrible. Erica and I are going through a really rough time. Things are fine on the surface most of the time, but when the shit hits the fan...well you get the idea. Granted it's my fault that the shit hits the fan. As I mentioned I have recently had to deal with alot of things that I have fucked up, and unfortunately that has had a very negative effect on our relationship. Obviously I am hoping for the best, but now it seems that any little thing starts a huge fight, and neither of us can really handle that. I don't know what is going to happen from day to day. Hell it's 1am, I've gotten used to going to bed at 10 and I just can't sleep tonight. I spent some time crying (I am pretty sure I hid it well enough that she didn't notice, or I suppose there's a chance she didn't care but that's slim), and just couldn't fall asleep. Before she fell asleep this small exchange of words happened.

me: I hate being miserable.
her: That's why I married you.
me: To be miserable?
her: No, to not be miserable.
me: Is that working out?
her: I don't know yet...

That's when I rolled over and masked my tears. I don't know what's going on any more. Things have potential to get completely better, but I'm not sure if they will. I hope they do. I guess only time will tell.