No, I don't want one for my birthday.
Did maybe the library have problems with people stealing their staplers? Because for the last many times I've been there there has been no stabler where the weird metal cord does say a stapler should be. But today there was a stapler. A big, big stapler. And if this big new stapler really is their way of trying to stop people from taking the library stapler, I think it's going to work wonderfully.
I couldn't quite figure the thing out. It was so big, yet the space for the papers was so small and hard to see. So I bent my head down to get a closer look, to make sure I was putting the papers in all the way and in the right place. And as soon as I started slipping the papers in... It growled at me. And it moved.
The thing is mechanical. And you know if you ask around they are going to say that mechanical is more useful because it's easier on your hands when you staple, or because people don't break it by pressing it funny or something. But I know they're lying. Cause every time I tried to use that thing, I never once got the paper in fast enough to get the staple in anywhere but on the very edge of the paper where it's going to fall out anyway. How do you call that useful? I admit I only tried twice, but the thing scared me. And I had my own non-ill-meaning stapler in my backpack. It's Boston brand and purple.
Why would a mechanical stapler made to be easier on your hands and prevent breaking need such a fast motion sensor? I tell you, that can't be the reason. But after my expierence with this stapler, I think I know. That thing was made to attack. I myself am lucky not to have my eyeballs stapled shut, since I know they shot at least a feet out of my head when that thing started moving. And I know that'd be hard when there aren't any eyelids covering them, but that stapler was vicious and smart. It's cause they don't want anyone stealing their stapler. It's that crazy-wicked librarian sense of justice. It's the same stuff they use to tell you you shouldn't be downloading MMORPGs on the highschool's computer during lunchtime, or they're going to have to give you a Warning. They're insane, all of them. And now they've turned the staplers against us.
I can still hear it's angry growling, see it's big, heavy, glistening body, it's sharp, pointy teeth. My face was just inches away...
If I ever see mechanical stapler again, I'm going to cry.
I couldn't quite figure the thing out. It was so big, yet the space for the papers was so small and hard to see. So I bent my head down to get a closer look, to make sure I was putting the papers in all the way and in the right place. And as soon as I started slipping the papers in... It growled at me. And it moved.
The thing is mechanical. And you know if you ask around they are going to say that mechanical is more useful because it's easier on your hands when you staple, or because people don't break it by pressing it funny or something. But I know they're lying. Cause every time I tried to use that thing, I never once got the paper in fast enough to get the staple in anywhere but on the very edge of the paper where it's going to fall out anyway. How do you call that useful? I admit I only tried twice, but the thing scared me. And I had my own non-ill-meaning stapler in my backpack. It's Boston brand and purple.
Why would a mechanical stapler made to be easier on your hands and prevent breaking need such a fast motion sensor? I tell you, that can't be the reason. But after my expierence with this stapler, I think I know. That thing was made to attack. I myself am lucky not to have my eyeballs stapled shut, since I know they shot at least a feet out of my head when that thing started moving. And I know that'd be hard when there aren't any eyelids covering them, but that stapler was vicious and smart. It's cause they don't want anyone stealing their stapler. It's that crazy-wicked librarian sense of justice. It's the same stuff they use to tell you you shouldn't be downloading MMORPGs on the highschool's computer during lunchtime, or they're going to have to give you a Warning. They're insane, all of them. And now they've turned the staplers against us.
I can still hear it's angry growling, see it's big, heavy, glistening body, it's sharp, pointy teeth. My face was just inches away...
If I ever see mechanical stapler again, I'm going to cry.