Mandelson's Final Gift
Peter felt incredibly pleased with himself. He had spent the best part of the day coming up with a plan and here it was in front of him in all its evil glory…on the screen of his small sleek blackberry, ready to be let off into the world. In fact, if he was perfectly honest with himself, he’d never felt this pleased in a very very long time, if not his whole life. Here he was, with a message…no a gift…which would destroy the whole of Westminster in one final satisfying click. He beamed at the thought as his long thin fingers glided over the screen of his phone, reading the message through one last time. The thought of the cabinet and shadow cabinet alike reading this message and turning on each other like savage dogs made colour rise to Mandelson’s cheeks. It would tear them apart before the press even got a hold of the news. Of course, the message would be sent to a few press officials just for good measure.
The front benchers would turn on the backbenchers, on their wives and husbands and mistresses and lovers, on their best friends and worst enemies…it was absolutely perfect.
The message read:
Andy Burnham - Likes to be on bottom when you fuck him. His accent gets stronger the closer he gets to orgasm. Has also had half of Westminster the slag.
Edward Miliband - Whimpers and splutters and begs all the way through. Called “giving” Ed for a reason! Very vocal.
Michael Gove - Will go on his knees for anyone and still wont shut up.
Nick Clegg - Such a slut. Gets turned on by talk of political reform.
Ed Balls - Very violent in bed but also a big cuddler. Likes to be on top.
Danny Alexander - Likes to watch from a distance.
David Miliband - Very dominant.
Douglas Alexander - Surprisingly enthusiastic in bed. Is up for anything.
David Cameron - Very big boy.
George Osborne - Also very vocal. Likes to be soothed and whispered to in bed. Loves to be kissed behind the ear and on the jaw. Looks very pretty when he orgasms.
Peter’s finger hovered over the last name on the list, pausing for a second, before deleting it entirely. Sure, George would be upset…no, downright offended to not be on the list when all his friends were…but he was different…he was special. And Peter could live with the fact that George would feel insecure about the amount of people he’d slept with…wonder how Cameron and Clegg and bloody Miliband could get more shags than him…feel left out of the slag club…only for the reason that he hadn’t revealed to the world the most intimate details of their…relationship.
With that last matter seen to, Peter selected “all contacts” on his phone. He vaguely wondered if anyone would suspect him…if all the people mentioned on the list realised the one thing they all had in common…(despite all being shameless sluts of course)…was that they had all engaged in at least one night of passion with the Dark Lord himself. He doubted it, they would all be too busy shouting and blaming each other. With a final sinister smile, Peter pressed SEND and waited for the political world to come crashing down.
The front benchers would turn on the backbenchers, on their wives and husbands and mistresses and lovers, on their best friends and worst enemies…it was absolutely perfect.
The message read:
Andy Burnham - Likes to be on bottom when you fuck him. His accent gets stronger the closer he gets to orgasm. Has also had half of Westminster the slag.
Edward Miliband - Whimpers and splutters and begs all the way through. Called “giving” Ed for a reason! Very vocal.
Michael Gove - Will go on his knees for anyone and still wont shut up.
Nick Clegg - Such a slut. Gets turned on by talk of political reform.
Ed Balls - Very violent in bed but also a big cuddler. Likes to be on top.
Danny Alexander - Likes to watch from a distance.
David Miliband - Very dominant.
Douglas Alexander - Surprisingly enthusiastic in bed. Is up for anything.
David Cameron - Very big boy.
George Osborne - Also very vocal. Likes to be soothed and whispered to in bed. Loves to be kissed behind the ear and on the jaw. Looks very pretty when he orgasms.
Peter’s finger hovered over the last name on the list, pausing for a second, before deleting it entirely. Sure, George would be upset…no, downright offended to not be on the list when all his friends were…but he was different…he was special. And Peter could live with the fact that George would feel insecure about the amount of people he’d slept with…wonder how Cameron and Clegg and bloody Miliband could get more shags than him…feel left out of the slag club…only for the reason that he hadn’t revealed to the world the most intimate details of their…relationship.
With that last matter seen to, Peter selected “all contacts” on his phone. He vaguely wondered if anyone would suspect him…if all the people mentioned on the list realised the one thing they all had in common…(despite all being shameless sluts of course)…was that they had all engaged in at least one night of passion with the Dark Lord himself. He doubted it, they would all be too busy shouting and blaming each other. With a final sinister smile, Peter pressed SEND and waited for the political world to come crashing down.