(no subject)
Hmmm... Have you ever thought about who you are? Look at the people you surround yourself with, and look at what you do. What do you eat, and why do you eat it. Summer or Winter? Every little thing you do sways you one way or the other in the eyes of EVERY individual person, as no one views you the exact same way. We are constantly, subconciously being judged for who we are based on the turn ons, and turn offs of that single person.
Thats where I get confused.
It's impossible to please everyone. Everything I do specifically to make someone else feel good always ends up biting my in the ass with each and every other person I know.
It really pisses me off.
Every day someone is falling, and everyday I feel like its my goal to pick them up. But do we risk the resulting bahavior from everyone else just to satisfy one person? Or do we sacrifice one's emotion for the common good?
I always go for choice number one, I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. That's what always makes me stuck. I feel like such a bad friend to the people around me, because I eat sleep and breathe that one person, until what I feel needs to be done is done. I just fear not knowing when to stop.
I'm just looking for an explanation where there isn't one...and it hurts so.......bad.
God, I don't know what my problem is, but I'm soooo damned confused. We haven't exactly been dead on lately, mostly because of my negativity towards myself. I'm just sick of not knowing what to do with myself, and whats right and whats wrong. I just needed a path to follow. I was close, but my f-ing psychotic mind throws everyone for a loop, and this was no different. I just want to know why all the people that are the closest to my heart are the first to go, family, friends, relationships. All this loss, a serious injury, and 2 possible life-threatning accidents, and I STILL don't know what you are trying to do with me. Just give it to me man... Knock me on my ass, It's easy to throw hints, but I can't see them. But with everything wrong that happens, each time, I get THIS much closer to just losing it, and I'm trying to prove it to the world that I'm not fucked up and I'm not hard to handle. Give me a hand, prove to me that losing love and losing limbs is worth it...
~all in Your name~
Thats where I get confused.
It's impossible to please everyone. Everything I do specifically to make someone else feel good always ends up biting my in the ass with each and every other person I know.
It really pisses me off.
Every day someone is falling, and everyday I feel like its my goal to pick them up. But do we risk the resulting bahavior from everyone else just to satisfy one person? Or do we sacrifice one's emotion for the common good?
I always go for choice number one, I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. That's what always makes me stuck. I feel like such a bad friend to the people around me, because I eat sleep and breathe that one person, until what I feel needs to be done is done. I just fear not knowing when to stop.
I'm just looking for an explanation where there isn't one...and it hurts so.......bad.
God, I don't know what my problem is, but I'm soooo damned confused. We haven't exactly been dead on lately, mostly because of my negativity towards myself. I'm just sick of not knowing what to do with myself, and whats right and whats wrong. I just needed a path to follow. I was close, but my f-ing psychotic mind throws everyone for a loop, and this was no different. I just want to know why all the people that are the closest to my heart are the first to go, family, friends, relationships. All this loss, a serious injury, and 2 possible life-threatning accidents, and I STILL don't know what you are trying to do with me. Just give it to me man... Knock me on my ass, It's easy to throw hints, but I can't see them. But with everything wrong that happens, each time, I get THIS much closer to just losing it, and I'm trying to prove it to the world that I'm not fucked up and I'm not hard to handle. Give me a hand, prove to me that losing love and losing limbs is worth it...
~all in Your name~